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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

523 replies

Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 13:48

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

OP posts:
ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/01/2016 17:59

She will lose the friends. She has no way of paying back the money, even if you do go to small claims. She deserves to, she should have seen this coming!

Stripyhoglets · 02/01/2016 18:01

All your other friends sound lovely though, agreeing straight away to split the cost with you. Hope you get it sorted. I once booked a holiday and had to get money back from people. I got it - but a couple of people sailed a bit close to the wind (genuine change of circs out of their control so we are still friends) but I've never paid up front since that!

Branleuse · 02/01/2016 18:03

and never do non-refundable hotels. Thats the whole beauty of booking.com. I always pay the extra fiver or whatever it is to get refundable

LadyStoicIsBack · 02/01/2016 18:13

Am not asking in manner of this would excuse her behaviour (as it utterly would not) but as an aside I am now wondering if she is quite well or if actually her entire life is spiralling out of control and she has MH problems?

It's no uncommon (again, I am in no way saying this is okay) for people who have lost control of their finances, and thus their life to some extent, to go on the kind of spending bender mutual friend has confirmed occurred. It has a name iirc, some kind of psychological response to the sit'n.

OP Did mutual friend give any indication of non-paying friend's state of mind?

BalloonSlayer · 02/01/2016 18:15

Well I think she should know about owing you all £70 each. I think she is banking on you being discreet and sucking up the cost yourself. IME people who are shit with money always think the reason other people aren't always broke is because they are really rich or lucky, and they resent this perceived wealth/luck like crazy. I think she is thinking "Snowy can afford this."

She has probably reasoned that she will lose the friendship with you, and has sadly calculated that it's worth losing it for £550. Sad But I reckon that when she realises she's pissed off eight people, and not just one, she'll suddenly cough up and claim "Ah ha ha ha, of course I was going to pay, I never said I wouldn't, of course I knew it was non-refundable, I never claimed I didn't! Snowy must have misunderstood" Hmm

Lexigrey · 02/01/2016 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelei9 · 02/01/2016 19:06

OP, def would be asking her to pay back even if split between all. But if she is a decent person, she will want to.

Has she ever been in financial trouble before? Just wondering as it sounds like you know her pret well, but the driving without insurance etc is the act of a very neglectful person. I can't say it's the act of a desperate person because she clearly bought Christmas stuff.

I feel for you Flowers

clam · 02/01/2016 19:10

Have you tried honing her from a different phone? Just because the rest of the group have agreed to share the hit if it comes to that, doesn't mean you should let it go. She still needs to be told it's her responsibility.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2016 19:32

No don't let flaky friend know others are helping you pay her debt. They are helping you out, not paying for her to have a free holiday. Noway woukd our friendship ever be tge same after this, yiur friends helping YOU out is what true friends do, this woman us no friend.

Jibberjabberjooo · 02/01/2016 19:56

Don't let her know you could spilt the cost as she will want to take that option.

CFSsucks · 02/01/2016 20:12

Even if the flake did come up with a way to pay, the friendship would be too damaged for me as her attitude at the moment says all you need to know. The fact that she knew she was having money problems when she said to go ahead and book her a place is shocking, and the fact that she is doing nothing about finding someone to take her place but expecting you to do it just makes her sound worse and worse.

SlightlyJaded · 02/01/2016 20:58

I disagree with those saying don't let flaky friend know that the group is splitting the cost.

I would say to her that the group is splitting the DEBT. Temporarily. So she owes each person £70. Far harder to avoid/write off 8 of your friends, surely?

Thurlow · 02/01/2016 21:06

The not being honest is what's marking her out as being either selfish or an idiot.

If someone is a decent person they'd be mortified at the potential loss, and talk honestly to their friends.

Just walking away shows she's a charmer.

xmasseason · 02/01/2016 21:08

If she's having major debt problems then it sounds like she is trying to run away from it all. She needs help to get it all under control.

Lexigrey · 02/01/2016 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nauticant · 02/01/2016 21:40

I wouldn't let flaky friend know the others are willing to share her debt.

Like others, I also agree with mintoil. Firstly, you need to keep this simple. Secondly, if the debt is distributed then if you need to go to the small claims court a debt distributed among a number of people will complicate matters horribly.

JellyTotCat · 02/01/2016 21:40

It sounded like she's avoiding thinking about anyone having to pay for her by suggesting the op will just have to find someone to take her place. Sounds like she's become quite practiced recently at avoiding thinking about having to pay for stuff!

iminshock · 02/01/2016 21:51

my DP arranges group golfing trips every year with a bunch of his friends.
This scenario happens EVERY BLOODY YEAR.

Please, everyone reading this , never ever pay upfront for someone else's share of a group trip.

rookiemere · 03/01/2016 15:15

Gosh I'm surprised to hear that blokes would do that too iminshock - for some reason I thought they might be more reliable . Has your DP been left out of pocket?

Any uodate OP?

lorelei9 · 03/01/2016 16:57

rookie "Gosh I'm surprised to hear that blokes would do that too"

????????????????????????????????????????????

rookiemere · 03/01/2016 17:05

Yeah sorry that was probably a bit of a stupid remark. What I was thinking is that golfing buddies should know each other quite well and I'd imagine that blokes would be less embarassed about going for the public shaming if someone dropped the organiser in it financially.

ChoccyJules · 03/01/2016 17:23

Glad to hear the group are shouldering it together instead of just OP. Looking forward to hearing that ex-friend has come up with at least some of the cash soon...

limitedperiodonly · 03/01/2016 18:01

Gosh I'm surprised to hear that blokes would do that too

Golly! What a sheltered life you lead.

18 years on I still sometimes think about what we could do with the money that DH shelled out for the blokes who forgot their wallets on his brother's stag night. That's when I'm not thinking of ways to torture them.

He didn't tell his brother, which I think was the right thing to do. His brother is lovely and it's not his fault that some of his friends are freeloading shits. I'm sure he's worked it out for himself by now.

KERALA1 · 03/01/2016 19:29

My old boss (a chap) professionally entrusted with other peoples money. Used it buy a castle for himself and ended up in prison for 7 years. Sadly women don't have the monopoly on dodgy dealing Wink.

Just gets me so cross OP. Talk about no good deed unpunished. Am also £500 down for thing I have organised this thread has made me nervous!

Branleuse · 03/01/2016 19:31

What MEN? surely not? I thought it was only women what done bad stuff

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