Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

[Snowyxmastree]

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

Isn't the friend's car impounded? Presumably she can sell that at some point.

The worst thing about it is that she obviously knew she wouldn't be able to afford it, but told the op to book anyway.

There's a big difference between getting a court judgment and actually getting the money, which some people seem to be missing - plus, she clearly doesn't have the money:is the OP then going to shell out more for bailiffs etc? This sort of money would be absolutely huge to me - but so huge, I wouldn't be able to front up payment for a group of 9 anyway: but I'm not sure SCC is the answer here.

The friend needs to take some responsibility, and if necessary, to be shamed in front of the group to do so - but if she's in this sort of mess, with the car and everything, it's highly unlikely she'd have access to bank loans etc as some have suggested so it needs to be worked out through a combination of shame (which is a powerful motivator, and the reason micro-loan foundations are more successful where groups are responsible for the individual's payments - people are less likely to default if their community will know about it) and support, to ensure OP actually gets the money one way or another.

Lexi I think we cross-posted! I didn't mean flaky friend should go - I meant maternity leave friend could go, contribute as much as possible, and then flaky friend can pay the difference (and the group can contribute a bit, if they can).

So, if new friend can pay £300, the group pays £16 each and flaky friend pays £60 for flight-name changes, that leaves OP breaking even, without group having to pay too much, and someone gets to come on the holiday.

It would be better if flaky friend paid the whole lot but OP can't afford to go if she doesn't, so it's a solution that might work if it comes to it.

First off I would ask her to or ring myself the airline and hotel and see if you can re coop any of the money at all. After that you need to make very clear that she has to pay. If she won't, will the others split her cost with you?

If I were one of the other people going I would not be happy to pay up for flaky friend, I would happily help OP get the money back though.

How much do you think her car is worth OP? She should be totally ashamed of herself and willing to make any sacrifice she can - including selling anything she has of value - to pay back her "friend." She will end up having to do that anyway , plus costs, if she ends up in Small claims court, so much better to just sell up and pay up now.

Utterly selfish behaviour.

Uhm, Anchor, she has a car that has been impounded. She'll have to pay to get that released, presumably once she has insurance and tax in place. Several hundred £££. She won't get the money together, she has already failed to pay even though she told OP she would pay her 'that day'. There is also still the outstanding balance of the hotel.

If this friend can't live within her means, why on earth would it be a good solution to partially pay for this friend? Talk about enabling/rewarding untrustworthy and shit behaviour.

My response to the friend would be a somewhat goady but very straight because legal action will only create further expense:

Thank you for being such a reliable friend by leaving me out of pocket for the sake of treating yourself with expensive shite for Christmas, despite telling me you would pay me. Being skint is not how I envisaged my New Year. Happy New Year - may it be the year you learn to manage your finances.

She knew rates were non-refundable. She failed to deliver the promise of payment for her own gain. She drove around in an untaxed and uninsured vehicle, putting other drivers at risk of financial burden should there be an accident.

She is incredibly selfish and to help her sustain this behaviour is nothing short of ludicrous.

This is so tough OP, of course you deserve your money back and your friend has been a complete shit. She can't even hold her hands up and say "I fucked up" - she has to blame you by saying you allegedly didn't state it was non refundable!

I witnessed this play out once, a friend paid for another friend to join us on holiday and when it came time to pay this other friend said she couldn't/wouldn't pay. They've not spoken since! I have no idea if the money was ever paid.

Oh Lord what an awful mess. Have you had any responses to your most recent WhatsApp message to the group?

Oh dear.

I'd be inclined to reply to her "No YOU need to find someone who will take over YOUR booking and YOUR financial obligation. If you can't then I will see if we can all pay the extra between us then you will owe all eight of us £70 each. I have already asked the others if they are prepared to do this. That's the only other solution I can think of other than the Small Claims Court, and obviously I really don't want to do that to a friend, however I cannot afford to pay this bill for you, and I will not be paying it."

Of course she knew it was no -refundable. She is trying it on and adopting the 'avoid avoid avoid' modus operandi. I would push her to pay or take her to the small claims court. She isn't much of a friend IMO.

I've heard back from the group basically all saying they will not sub her holiday but they will share the burden so if a replacment person can not be found we can share the cost between us. But we are all in agreement she is not getting a free holiday.
One of the group suggested the same as upthread if other friend can come and will contribute as much as possible we can share the remaining amount between us.

The thing is we are all friends, this has not gone down well and she may well be excluded from our circle of friends!

The thing is we are all friends, this has not gone down well and she may well be excluded from our circle of friends!

And so she should be.

Well it's nice that your other friends are not leaving the debt to you, but it still seems wrong to me.

At the very least, she should make a repayment plan.

So you temporarily absorb the debt between you but on the understanding that friend repays you all £100 per month (or something).

Hopefully that will mean that you can all remain friends. Otherwise I think it will be really hard not to be angry/bitter.

She deserves to lose her friends if she doesn't pay up.

I definitely wouldn't let her off the hook snowy - if another person isn't found to come, then I'd keep chasing her for the money and threaten small claims. Maybe she can't pay back now, but if she has a job and she sells some of her expensive stuff then she should be able to commit to a payment plan or paying back in a few months at least.

Write to her and tell her that if she cannot find someone to take her place she will owe each of you £70.

she deserves to be excluded from the group of friends. She has been selfish a good friend would have been honest and said I have fucked up and dont have the money but I will pay you as soon as possible

I'm glad to hear your friends are prepared to share the burden with you

I wouldn't let flaky friend know the others are willing to share her debt. I would let her think you are having to pay all of it and that there will be consequences if she doesn't cough up.

What a twat she is.

I would ensure that everyone found out what she had done.

And i would take her to small claims.

I abhor finacially incontinent nobs that drag their mates down.

I agree with mintoil. If you start talking about £70 per person she'll think that it's not that much and she can get away with it.

I still think it's worth phoning the hotel. as you've booked 4 double rooms you might have a bit of bargaining power, particularly if it's somewhere you've been to before and might go to again.

I'm glad your other friends have proved to be so solid - restores your faith in humanity.

had flaky friend been away with your group before?

Agree that I would also chip in the £70 to help get OP's money back if I was one of the others. BUT I'm also single. All the rest of OP's friends are couples. So it isn't £70 is it, it's £140. Which is a lot of money right after Christmas. Hopefully they can afford to help out but I wouldn't be surprised if not.

I just can't imagine doing this to my friends. We're going on a group holiday this year but had to pay the friend who organised before she booked. That wasn't because she didn't trust us though, it was because she couldn't afford to pay for it until we'd all put the money in her account. Seriously, who does this to someone they're close enough to go on holiday with. My mind is blown. I would rather sell everything I had than lose my friends. Stuff can be replaced but this woman is going to lose, not only OP, but probably all the others too.

Sorry don't know how I missed your update and the last 20 or so replies! Didn't refresh probably. Glad it looks like you won't lose too much.

What an awful situation. I think it's worth speaking to the hotel. Even if it's officially not refundable, it doesn't hurt to ask if some of the amount could be refunded as a gesture of goodwill to a customer booking several rooms.