Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

[Snowyxmastree]

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

Driving without mot and insurance! Thank goodness for some poor bugger that they didn't meet her in an accident. At least she couldn't get away with saying 'that's just the way it is, nothing to do with me' when she was caught. All the while buying expensive Christmas stuff and clocking up fines by parking carelessly. She played fast and loose and obviously felt safe in the thought someone else would be left holding the baby if holiday money didn't materialise.

There is a lot to be said for someone who cuts their cloth to suit their measure. It seems to be the zeitgeist that material things makes the person, (a la celebs lifestyle). It is decency, though.

I've suddenly thought - could you ask the hotel (explain situation) if they could switch room from single to double or even if you have eg a child/children wanting separate room so then that gives you an option of who to invite, friend with child, friends with child/ren etc....

She sounds like a bit of a selfish idiot.

Agree with MaisieDotes. I don't get why a lot of people do this and then feel it's completely above board to walk away from their financial obligations - it's one of the main reasons I don't offer to pay for group trips on my card - it's just happens more often now. I would chase her via email also - being nice and polite but clear she owes you your damn money!

She's thoughtless and irresponsible. I think telling the whole group was a good idea. I'd be tempted to include her in these messages though.

Good idea to tell the others, but unless they're very kind it seems unlikely they'll stump up. You made the booking and agreement with the one who's now reneging so took the financial risk.

Are you going to seek redress through the legal system?

Duckdeamon seriously?

'Why not? I've had a lovely break with a friend, doing shopping and museums when my two were small - also had a couple of city breaks with other friends. Just because you are part of a family doesn't mean you need to spend every spare minute with them.'

I agree. I'm doing a 5-day camp/walk with two friends this year, and another 4-day camp/hillwalk with friends later in the year. We're still going on holiday as a family. DH is going on two camping/fishing trips with mates this year.

Another one who's a bit about those suggesting legal action. Even if the friendship's shot (which I reckon it will be regardless of how this is resolved), do people really do this?

It's not something I've ever had to do but I would definitely consider it if someone owed me a substantial sum of money and refused to pay. To be honest, if it was my friend the friendship would be over even if she repaid the money as I need to be able to trust my friends.

Mrsschadenfreude and expat - my statement about a mother not going away without her young DC was badly made. I go off without Dh skiing and visiting friends, but usually only for 3-4 nights at a time.

I was just trying to say that it's unlikely once Dfriend considers her situation - just back at work, young baby etc. she'll be wanting to go. I reckon it's a knee jerk reaction to help out her friend, but won't come to anything.

Couple of things - we're talking about full costs. OP can you work out how much is left to pay if flight is cancelled?

For the hotel - is it worth contacting them to see what they can do? If you throw yourself on their mercy they may consider cancelling the room as a favour seeing you have booked 4 other double rooms. Or failing that they may offer you something like using the money to give you all upgraded rooms instead - in which case you'd all be getting something for the money and it means you'd all need to pay the difference.

Reminds me I must make sure to give Dfriend our bank details for their share of the deposit on our shared villa - they're very unlikely to back out, but after reading this better safe than sorry !

If I was OP at this point I would write off the friendship and look for ways to pursue the cash from the person owing it, yes. unless turned out to be not worth bothering in terms of cost/effort against prospect of getting any money.

If I was one of the friends I'd stump up my share, but suspect some people won't.

I am not about legal action being suggested at all.

If a friend explicitly confirms she wants to me to spend / commit 550 on her behalf which she knows must be paid back to me...then refuses to because she couldn't be bothered to take the most basic level of responsibility for her finances..

1. She is not a friend
2. She's taking me for an absolute mug
3. It's a heartbeat away from directly taking the money out of my wallet

Sorry to be brutal, but this is just horrible disrespectful behaviour.

OP deserves to get the money back and an apology to boot.

If I were another member of the group I'd be happy to chip in 70 to compensate you OP.

I'd also be disgusted by flaky's behaviour and feel really bad for you after all your hard work organizing a happy time for your mates

I'd certainly go legal why on earth not - are people so rich they can afford to lose £550?

I think a good reason not to take the legal route is that friend cannot afford to pay. It is can't, not won't. She is already in debt.

So, where does it end? With court fees added to the debt and bailiffs taking her stuff and selling it??

Hopefully a replacement will be found, or your friends will chip in or the hotel will offset the deposit against the other rooms. Surely, you can cancel the single room and only lose the deposit, not have to pay the balance on it?

Looking back, do you think her fussiness about the cost of the single room was perhaps a sign that she was struggling? It sounds very irresponsible of her to have booked knowing she couldn't afford it, but I am really shocked at the message you got today, OP. You'd think honouring debts to friends would be top of her list of priorities.

Sounds like OP has booked non refundable rooms var123.

There's a hotel we like to stay in each year at October half term - non refundable rate is much cheaper than cancellable, I always book initially cancellable and then swap in to non-refundable much closer to actual holiday date just in case say my parents were ill.

Hotel may do something through goodwill, so it's worth asking. Should be the flaky ex friend doing it, but I doubt she will so OP may as well ask the question, as if they are prepared to cancel then it's only the non refundable part of the air fare to think about.

I do think legal would be a last option, but I certainly wouldn't discount it, at the end of the day ex friend can sell her new Christmas goodies to get some of the money back for OP.

I had to threaten small courts when someone conned me and exdh out of £500. Pretended her dh was dying and needed Christmas gifts etc...

I didn't get all of it back but just over half. I did go into her place of work and challenge her.

'Good idea to tell the others, but unless they're very kind it seems unlikely they'll stump up. You made the booking and agreement with the one who's now reneging so took the financial risk. '

For real? Are you the OP's flakey 'friend'? You'd really be okay with your friend taking a hit like that? I'd find the £70, OP. Sorry, I just couldn't see you taking a hit like that. But I'd have zero to do with the flake at all again, ever.

The court would agree a payment plan with the OP's friend. If she is in dire straights, it could be £1 a month for 550 months. She'd need to do an income and expenditure, though - if she's blowing a lot of money on expensive things and claiming she can't pay, they won't be so lenient.

The court won't order bailiffs, although OP could apply for that.

If the room was non-refundable, it'll need to be paid regardless of whether it's cancelled. A lot of good rates in cities are like this, when I stay in London for work, it's often non-refundable and they will charge the card used to reserve the booking regardless. Some only charge for the first night, if nobody shows up, but charge for the whole stay if some of the party check in.

If OP can't afford to go without being refunded, then legal action (or the threat of it) might be necessary, rather than a choice. In that case, OP needs to make clear that this is friend's problem, because trying to replace friend or help over and above could be used by friend to suggest that OP knew friend couldn't pay and therefore there wasn't a serious intention to create legal relations, and OP is only trying to recover money now friend can't go.

Whether the group will chip in will very much depend on the group. Some people may be able to afford £69 extra, some might not. If friend is more your friend than theirs, they may not want to cover for her flakiness. Also, for couples with joint finances, you're asking for £138 more, which is quite substantial.

It might be slightly better if your friend can come, perhaps you can negotiate and the group can contribute a smaller amount, with your friend paying less than £550 but something relatively substantial, so that costs are reduced for everyone but covered.

For clarity, I meant for your new friend to come - if she could pay £300, for example, then you'd only need to find £150 from the group - that's less than £19 each more from the rest of the group. Yes, it's more than they were going to pay, but it means they aren't paying £69!

But the friend has just bought herself a whole load of nice stuff for Christmas. Surely she should be selling that off rather than leave OP in the shit?

I would be on her doorstep by now. Maybe this is a small amount of money for some posters and that's why they think OP should suck it up? I am pretty baffled by that attitude,and if I couldn't get her to pay by reasonable means, I would have no option but to go through small claims.