Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

523 replies

Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 13:48

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

OP posts:
VodkaValiumLattePlease · 02/01/2016 13:39
Shock
JellyTotCat · 02/01/2016 13:40

Unfortunately it doesn't look like you will see that money in light of the financial state she is in, so you'll need to either get the others to share the cost or find someone else to go.

Osolea · 02/01/2016 13:40

Finding a replacement person doesn't sound like the best idea to me, you will actually have to spend your holiday with this person, have them join you for meals and activities and the like, I wouldn't want to do that with just anyone.

If the mutual friend can make it then that would be great, but I wouldn't count on it if she's on maternity leave. It would be a huge thing for her to do, and for her DH to agree to, and she could well just have said it because she was desperately trying to find a solution that avoids a massive problem between her two friends.

I think in your position I'd let the others in the group know ASAP, maybe do it in a nice way, asking them on the whatsapp group if they know anyone who'd be interested in coming, but at the same time letting them know the situation. Then I think it would be worth looking into how you go about making a claim through the court, partly so that you can truthfully tell her that's that's what you're going to have to do if she doesn't pay, and partly so that you know where to start and you can get a claim in quick if she's going to have loads of other things to pay.

clam · 02/01/2016 13:43

I'm afraid that if she is that flaky re: parking tickets/no car insurance/buying herself expensive items without the means to fund them, then I don't suppose there's a cat-in-hell's chance she'll care about dumping you in it.
I think the best course of action is to attempt to share out the debt amongst all of you, if no one can rope in someone else to come along.

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2016 13:44

Have RTFT now. I knew other people would have the same idea. You need to make it a group problem. They were happy to let you do all the work for them. You're their travel agent but you don't get any commission. That's not fair.

AyeAmarok · 02/01/2016 13:44

Maybe you should tell the WhatsApp group that single friend has said she can't go/pay so needs the GROUP (not you, singularly) to find someone else or split her bit between them. Don't make this solely your problem OP.

Then hopefully she'll be so embarrassed she'll wise the fuck up

Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2016 13:45

Just read, this friend of yours knew she was in dire straits with money, yet she still said she could go. She was very bad with her money, and has not been at all responsible. It would be lovely if this mutual friend could go. If she can fantastic, if not than you do need to make her take responsibility for her actions and get that money back through the small claims court. After holiday fiasco right now, there is noway the friendship would ever be the same anyway,

rookiemere · 02/01/2016 13:46

Sorry but I think once nice friend considers this she won't go ahead and meanwhile problem drifts on.
Why would a working mother use her precious annual leave to go away without her family,it makes no sense.
Time to let the whole group know what's happening and see what transpires. If a replacement can be found great, if not flaky ex friend has to cough up. Oh and don't listen to your DH he sounds lovely but far too sympathetic unless he has a spare £2000 hidden away !

clam · 02/01/2016 13:47

And it doesn't sound as if claiming on travel insurance is a go-er either! No chance on this planet she'd have any.
But if her credit rating isn't shot to pieces some hope she could consider taking out a bank loan to cover these costs and then get herself sorted out more sensibly after that.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/01/2016 13:49

I agree that she is not going to be paying you. It's going to have to become a group problem, with the best solution finding someone to replace her.

How will this leave your friendship?

clam · 02/01/2016 13:49

I wouldn't WhatsApp the whole group if flaky friend is in on the discussion. The minute she sees you're trying to spread her debt around the group, she'll take that as a green light that she's off the hook.

Stillunexpected · 02/01/2016 13:50

You need to let the whole group know that immediately that this friend is no longer travelling and that everyone should try to come up with alternative friends who would like to travel. The longer this drags on the worse it is going to be. Cancelling friend has no intention (or means) of paying. It is up to you if you let people know this now or wait a few days to see if someone comes up with an alternative traveller. Eventually, however, you will probably have to let people know, unless you are prepared to pay the whole shortfall yourself.

JellyTotCat · 02/01/2016 13:54

Is the total non refundable amount £2000?

clam · 02/01/2016 14:00

You could say something like, "We have hit a problem in that Flaky is now unable to come on holiday, yet her flight is non-refundable. Obviously, I am unable to cover her costs alone, nor should I be expected to, so all ideas as to where we go from here are welcome."

I'm sure the fab MN folk could find a better way of wording that more politely though.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/01/2016 14:02

I wouldn't make it a group problem, this sounds like you consider her off the hook. If she can't pay, she is the one who should find someone to take over the costs and go instead.

Stillunexpected · 02/01/2016 14:06

If she can't pay, she is the one who should find someone to take over the costs and go instead. - but who is going to make her do that? She can't be forced to find someone to replace her so will just bury her head in the sand about it. Meanwhile, the outstanding money is owed to the OP. I agree she shouldn't be let off the hook but the important thing right now is to get the money owed to the OP somehow, and I don't think it's coming from the "friend" in a hurry.

MrsSchadenfreude · 02/01/2016 14:07

"Why would a working mother use her precious annual leave to go away without her family,it makes no sense."

Why not? I've had a lovely break with a friend, doing shopping and museums when my two were small - also had a couple of city breaks with other friends. Just because you are part of a family doesn't mean you need to spend every spare minute with them.

Original poster
Snowyxmastree · 02/01/2016 14:08

Flights are £180 ish and the hotel makes the difference upto roughly £550 depending if we pay in € on the day or pay on cards ect.

I have done a group message to everyone as I do not want to carry the burden. Have left her out of the message and have not mentioned her debts as that's not fair as I was told in confidence.

So have put it too the group and see what suggestions I get

OP posts:
lunar1 · 02/01/2016 14:10

She's a cheeky fucker, she needs to start ebaying to get you this money back, I wouldn't be relying on an outside party to get this sorted. Let the wider group know now.

lunar1 · 02/01/2016 14:11

Cross posted with you. Glad you have told the others!

Sansoora · 02/01/2016 14:21

I wouldnt even be polite when talking to her about this. I'd say sorry about that but you owe me 'x' amount and I would like it to be repaid before 'y' date as I really dont want to go as far as the small claims court unless I have to.

And of you lose a friend so what? Its not that she's much of one anyway.

kinkytoes · 02/01/2016 14:25

She sounds like a complete nob how irresponsible! Driving around with no MOT and tax, probably not insured either thank goodness her car was taken away. Disgraceful and incredibly selfish behaviour. By that point anyone with half a brain cell would know a holiday is out of the question (especially if there's even a slightest chance of mucking your mates about). She must be in serious denial. Not fair of her to do this to you OP. I hope you seriously reconsider this 'friendship'.

JellyTotCat · 02/01/2016 14:28

Ah ok. So each person would need to pay £69 to cover it. Still very annoying. I hope you find someone suitable to take her place.

SuperFlyHigh · 02/01/2016 14:28

Re your update I agree with kinkytoes she sounds very flaky and a bit of an idiot.

I wouldn't carry the can for her money troubles but I wouldn't hold out hope of an extra person coming, I'd in all honesty look for someone else you know as well as the mother to come along and write this friend out of the equation.

Guess that's the friendship ended too.

SuperFlyHigh · 02/01/2016 14:29

I meant instead of the mother not you asking another friend AND the mother.