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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has cancelled me for a holiday that's already booked and paid for.

523 replies

Snowyxmastree · 01/01/2016 13:48

I don't know how to handle this situation.

9 friends 4 couples and 1 single have booked to go on a holiday. I have paid for the flights outright and the hotels get paid for on check in. Everyone has paid for the flights bar the single friend.

I have had to rearrange the booking once already as we have booked non refundable rooms and 4 in the party got invited to a family members wedding.

I have just received a message from single friend to say that she is embarrassed to say that she can no longer go due to the cost. She's owes me for the flight and I have been chasing her for a couple of weeks now. Plus the hotel needs to be paid for nearer the time.

Everybody knows this all non refundable but she hasn't mentioned reimbursing me.

How do I go about doing this?

I will not be doing this again despite this being a annual thing for 5 years now with no issues.

I am so pissed off with friend as the hotel was booked mainly as she was unhappy with a lot of hotels as they didn't do single rooms.

Please help me ask her for this money I am owed. It's £550.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 02/01/2016 12:50

maybe she hasn't mentioned it because she has just taken it as read that she will be paying you back? Is that possible? I haven't rtft though, so excuse me if its been addressed.

SlightlyJaded · 02/01/2016 12:57

She does not get to walk away from a debt with a 'you'll have to find someone else, because I can't pay'.

You need to WhatsApp her in response and CC the entire group. You will find it much easier to deal with if you are not negotiating with her in isolation and if she knows that her response is being shared.

Yes, find out if anything serious has happened, but a commitment of payment is a commitment of payment.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2016 13:03

sofa she has deceived op, and is refusing to pay, money that op nearly cannot afford to loose. Yes she should if she cannot get the money back, the friendship is long gone. If somebody did thT to me, the friendship is finished. She is not even making an effort to find somebody else's, or try and repay the money. She has lumped op with that.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2016 13:04

We are not talking about a small amount, but over £500 which to most people is a hell of a lot.

OVienna · 02/01/2016 13:04

It's hard to believe people are this horrible and entitled OP.

I totally agree with WhatsApping her response to the entire group though. It's got to be everyone's problem.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2016 13:07

Small claims if if you have exhausted all avenues and she is not paying you back.

AndNowItsSeven · 02/01/2016 13:08

You need to make it clear you will be taking legal action.

expatinscotland · 02/01/2016 13:09

I'd talk to the whole group about this.

LIZS · 02/01/2016 13:09

Maybe it is time to go public. Send her a message listing the various non refundable costs and when you need reimbursement by. Say that you are sorry she feels unable to go ahead but if she could see her way to still come everyone would be very pleased to have her along. However as you already committed to these costs she is still required to pay either way. If she could find a replacement asap you could instead amend the booking for £x or you could cancel her place and get a refund of taxes on the flights which you would then pass on to her.

GabiSolis · 02/01/2016 13:13

I would send back a message now saying that you will try to find someone else but that she would still owe the money if you can't. She needs to understand that this isn't optional, and if she 'can't' afford it, it doesn't mean the debt goes away.

Friendship would be well and truly over for me if she didn't accept that.

RidersOnTheStorm · 02/01/2016 13:13

Agree with the others, time to be firm and make it clear that she has to pay whether she goes or not. And it's up to her to find a replacement.

GabiSolis · 02/01/2016 13:14

I agree with finding out if something else is going on before going nuts though.

RakeMeHomeCountryToads · 02/01/2016 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Snowyxmastree · 02/01/2016 13:14

Just spoken to my friend who is very close to her and it seems she's having major money issues. But she knew this prior to agreeing to the flights.

Basically her car failed MOT a long while ago and she's been driving it without MOT or car tax. She's also racked up unpaid parking tickets and her car has been impounded. This was before xmas after buying her stupidly expensive items. Friend said she bought herself the items and thought she would leave xmas gifts until her before xmas pay check, this is when she agreed to the flights. She did that and then her car got taken away and she can't afford to get the car out of the pound.

She had no idea about her not paying me, I had to tell her this as she came over cagey.

So upshot is friend is skint and is so embarrassed she's only told this friend as she knows about most things and she needed advice.

Mutual friend is now embarrassed that the other friend has put me and my DH in this position and wants a few days to consider taking original friends place on the holiday. She would love to come but she's still on maternity at the moment so needs to look at her finances and if her partner will look after the baby and if she can get holiday from work as she will be back to work by then.

She's going to talk to the friend for me and try and sort it all out.

OP posts:
RakeMeHomeCountryToads · 02/01/2016 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 02/01/2016 13:19

But is mutual friend also friend of other couples. Would the group dynamic be the same? Given everyone else is shelling out £££ shouldn't they get a say? Meanwhile friend clearly can't afford to live the life she wants and run a car. Might she feel under pressure to keep up with your group?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2016 13:21

Sounds like your single friend is an utter flake. When you have money worries, you do NOT rack up parking tickets, you make damn sure that you park sensibly so that your unpaid tickets do NOT result in your car being impounded!!
Neither do you buy stupidly expensive items for yourself. UNless you have zero fucking sense, or some kind of mental health condition.

You most certainly do NOT then agree to a relatively expensive holiday, knowing all the while that there is a chance you can't afford it and that you're going to end up costing a friend a lot of money.

I'm sorry that your mutual friend is now also embarrassed by this situation - I hope she's not feeling obligated to try and take Flakey's place?

And yes, I do agree that you should now tell the rest of the group what's going on with Flakey not coming and refusing to cough up. She has no compunction, neither should you.

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2016 13:23

That's terrible OP. Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread, so someone else may have suggested this, but could the others chip in to cover the cost for you?

You're the one who's done all the legwork for them and now you're majorly out of pocket. If someone had done that for me and this happened to them, I'd feel it was right to help them out.

Then you can go after the person who owes you the money and if you get it you can pay them back.

intothewoods · 02/01/2016 13:25

omg can't believe she's made it your problem!

Agree you now need to include the whole group in solving this, who is she closest too? Will it cause a lot of trouble and bad feeling?

i wouldn't want some random other person coming along either and sure not many people would want to go along at the last minute.

The friendship is toast I fear and I think you need to send her a very direct response explaining that the debt is hers and that she needs to pay up pronto.

intothewoods · 02/01/2016 13:26

Sorry typed before you came back with explanation. Off to read.

DinosaursRoar · 02/01/2016 13:30

poor mutual friend, feeling stuck in the middle! (could her DH and baby come too? Or is it not that sort of holiday?)

I think it sounds like your non-paying friend has just been burrying her head in the sand about how crap her finances are, so expect more head burying and hoping this all just goes away. I would also think that if she's in that much of a mess financially, any money she can scrap together won't be coming your way, with debts like that, you are not going to be the priority for payment. Sad

Tell the others in the group. See if there's anyone they can suggest. Just because you were the one who physically booked the tickets, it shouldn't just be your problem.

TheDinnerWitch · 02/01/2016 13:34

You need to make it clear that it's not YOU who needs to find a replacement person, it's HER as she's the one who's backed out of the agreements. If SHE can't find a replacement, then she will have to pay.
Don't let her make it your problem to solve.

MaisieDotes · 02/01/2016 13:34

"Unpaid parking tickets" and the whole driving around without insurance thing speak volumes.

This person is totally feckless and has no intention of paying you back.

TheDinnerWitch · 02/01/2016 13:35

Does she know that you can't afford to go too if she doesn't pay you back?! You must emphasise that to her!

annielouise · 02/01/2016 13:37

Completely agree with the person that says she's completely feckless going by her spending habits and behaviour. She'll definitely be trying to get out of it.

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