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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send him this text?

117 replies

CrazyTracey · 31/12/2015 16:58

Long story short, met someone in summer 15 and we saw each other a few times in quick succession, as she was moving house a few days later. We made vague plans to meet up and messaged after but this came to nothing as we were living in different places and then she was moving to another country for 12 weeks! Didn't sleep together, but had a tipsy kiss or three

Im a tad paranoid that she thought I didn't like her romantically as I was a bit insular on our last meeting due to work worries? I asked her out for a drink shortly after but she couldn't make the dates I suggested

Anyway now I've actually moved to a big city fairly near her, literally today. I think she's back in the country too and has finished her secondment abroad.

Worth sending a text out of the blue d'you think? Timing is a lot more in our side now if we wanted to meet for a drink.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyTracey · 31/12/2015 16:58

My thread title autocorrected to him, it's her

(We're both female) Smile

OP posts:
DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 31/12/2015 17:00

Yes, go for it.

DanglyEarOrnaments · 31/12/2015 17:00

Just send it, you will know where you are with her then and can stop worrying about it.

Good luck, hope it goes your way! Smile

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/12/2015 17:01

Why not?! It's 2016...the year of happiness! Smile What do you have to lose?

GwynethPaltrowIamNot · 31/12/2015 17:01

Yeah , go for it !

Original poster
CrazyTracey · 31/12/2015 17:03

Great, I was thinking that

I'm struggling with what to say though! Also really kicking myself for not having brought up our final meeting weirdness at the time.

What if she thinks I'm just asking to meet up as friends/messing her around

OP posts:
Jelliebabe1 · 31/12/2015 17:03

Do it! You've nothing to loose!

Original poster
CrazyTracey · 31/12/2015 17:04

Also what if she's moved on / not interested / in a relationship / thinks I'm weird?

The list is endless gaaaaah Grin

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MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2015 17:06

What if.... You're great together and it all works out? Stop what if-ing yourself! TEXT TEXT TEXT.

Original poster
CrazyTracey · 31/12/2015 17:06

Are there any wordsmiths here who could help me construct a killer message? Smile

FWIW she said she enjoyed our dates at the time, and definitely seemed interested then - but of course things change

OP posts:
Jelliebabe1 · 31/12/2015 17:07

Just say "hi! Have just moved to -town, would love to catch up if you're free in the new year! Happy New Year". Then it's not like a massive come on. You can pass it off as a friendly/meeting new people thing rather than a date if she's not interested.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2015 17:07

"Oi, fancy a shag?"

Maybe not, I'll get my coat...

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/12/2015 17:08

You'll soon know and then can move on accordingly if it's any of those outcomes. Maybe you should word it as a "date" so there's no confusion. Or "I'd really like to take you out for dinner sometime"...that kind of thing.

FantasticRik · 31/12/2015 17:09

Go for it! Just send a text explaining you've moved nearby and it would be great to meet up if she's free. If she declines then so be it...

All the other stuff you can talk about over a snog drink.

let us know what happens .

Original poster
CrazyTracey · 31/12/2015 17:09

Jellie that's great, herein lies the problem though - she was interested but I think she took my shyness as a rejection perhaps

Haha MrsTP I'm nowhere near brave enough to send that unfortunately Grin

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SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/12/2015 17:09

Just...you know...YOLO, man. Grin

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 31/12/2015 17:14

"I just moved to xxtown, would love to meet up in the new year, let me know when you're free for a date"

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/12/2015 17:14

I think being honest with how to feel is ok, you know? I'd love it if a man I fancied said to me (bear in mind I have a DH! Grin Just thinking back to dating days...) "Not sure if I made it very obvious, but I really like you, and I've been thinking about you, and I'd love to meet up if you do." Or something like it.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/12/2015 17:14

with how YOU* feel I meant!

thelaundryfairy · 31/12/2015 17:16

Yes, go for it! Hope it works out well for both of you.

PalcumTowder · 31/12/2015 17:16

Say something like... you've just moved to xxx, would she like to go for a drink if she's still in yyy? It was such a shame she moved away before you got chance to get to know each other... ?

You've got nowt to lose!

carcrushtelly · 31/12/2015 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/12/2015 17:19

And if she's a decent person, even if she DOESN'T feel the same way now, or is in a relationship, etc., she would say no in a very nice, gentle way. It's not likely she's going to say "fuck off you cunt!" is it? She's obviously attracted to you because of the drunken kisses. So worse comes to worst she'll probably say "Really good to hear from you, CT, but I should let you know I have a girlfriend now" or something similar. And then you're only right where you are now, but with a clearer head knowing you need to move on.

SolidGoldBrass · 31/12/2015 17:25

Definitely go for it. FWIW, most of the year just gone I was flirting on and offline with someone, and invited that person to come to a club with me. We both went to the club but nothing much happened; we carried on being friendly but I had started to think that the person wasn't really interested and was just flattering the old dear (I am a LOT older than the other person). But then I got an email along the lines of 'look, I really do like you and would like to take things further.' We have now been seeing each other and shagging each other to bits for a couple of months and it's awesome.
If she's a nice person the absolute worst that will happen is a friendly brush-off, but there's a good chance that she will be thrilled to hear from you and take you up on your offer straight away.

Original poster
CrazyTracey · 31/12/2015 17:25

Ahhh ok I'm getting tempted!

The only thing that's putting me off is that our whatsapp chat thread shows I messaged last anyway

I've just been reading through it and apart from making vague declarations to meet up, we chatted on and off for a few days, then I asked her directly if she wanted to meet for a drink on XYZ date but she said she would only be around until the day before. Didn't propose new dates (although she was crazy busy moving to a new country so maybe didn't know when she was next free?)... I replied with a "ah shame, perhaps sometime soon then" and that was how we left it

She definitely was interested at the time (like on our dates) but I don't want to lose my dignity by begging her for a date - it's more curiosity to see her again that's driving it, I don't want her to interpret it as, well, desperation Grin

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