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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not want my fil to stay over on new years eve

384 replies

chocoholic05 · 30/12/2015 20:12

My mil died earlier on in the year. My dh wants to invite my fil to stay tomorrow night and into new years day. In fact despite endless discussions with dh from a conversation with fil today it seems he has. I don't want him to. I would rather came for dinner on new years day and stay for tea as well. My reasons are we only have a small house so where would he sleep other than our living room? He never ever lies in no matter what time he goes to bed. He will bring his dog who is also an early riser. And he will expect us to get up. Alsothe dog smells really badly. I know that sounds horrible but it's absolutely true. Finally I like new year spent with my boys. Family games and dvds.He is only a ten minute drive away. But my dh said it's his first new year on his own.

OP posts:
Epilepsyhelp · 30/12/2015 23:05

You're being an arse OP, sorry. Really heartless.

Pinkdiva · 30/12/2015 23:06

Have a heart op he is your family to please consider having him stay its the kind thing to do

confusedbumbo · 30/12/2015 23:07

Seriously, muddling? The OP shouldn't be expected to put up with a dog for one, yes one, bloody evening? She can't cope with cranky kids for one, yes one, bloody day?

This is a grieving elderly man. If OP's kids can't cope with staying up late without a lie in then on this occasion she should send them to bed at a reasonable hour, NYE or not.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/12/2015 23:07

Flat

When the op of a thread name changes and comes back pretending to be a new poster supporting the op's point of view. Surprisingly common!

confusedbumbo · 30/12/2015 23:08

Panna who should he be with on NYE then?

Jux · 30/12/2015 23:08

I'd expect my dc to share a room, so their grandfather - no, their bereaved and lonely grandfather - could have a decent bed for the night, when the whole thing is about being with people you love and remembering those who are not there.

I'd want to do my dvd/family games, but I'd want to share it with the bereaved and lonely man. Yes, I would sacrifice my lie-in too. And I would hang onto him for the day, and feed him lovely food, and make sure he knew that he wasn't entirely alone.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/12/2015 23:08

Dingleberry has put this so well:

"Why is it unkind... because, as one year ends, that you had begun with your spouse by your side and ended without them, you reflect on that. And you also look ahead at the year in front of you, stretching out long and lonely. All the days to be endured without your spouse, marching on and on across a new calendar, with all those firsts too - first birthday without her, first holiday without her, first anniversary of her death etc...

It's a funny old time, NYE/New Year's Day, psychologically speaking."

shazzarooney99 · 30/12/2015 23:09

Thw whole scenario is unreasonable? heartless selfish cow! i do hope like someone else says that your hubby fucks off and sleeps at his fathers! i cannot belive we have people like this in society!!! people like you are allowed to vote?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 23:11

I'm assuming you'll be the one having to deal with the fallout of cranky kids, not your DH, and knowing that you'll spend the next day dealing with cranky kids totally sucks the fun out of anything

Almost the entire population of Scotland seems to have managed for centuries.

shazzarooney99 · 30/12/2015 23:11

Alisvolatpropiis,its so sad people do that changing names because they cant stand the fact they have been called selfish! karma is a biatch! op.

Supermanspants · 30/12/2015 23:12

It is ONE sodding night Panna
He was married to his wife for 48 years. She died 6 months ago.
NYE can be tough for newly bereaved.
Perhaps her DH WANTS to be with his dad. Perhaps he is also struggling

Thank god the 'YANBU's' are very much in the tiniest minority

Ditsy4 · 30/12/2015 23:13

Crikey it's one night!
It's DH house too. FiL has lost his wife please show a little compassion. If he is willing to sleep on sofa then he can get up in the morning make a cuppa and take dog out if he wishes. Why don't you set a tray the night before with everything so it is easy for him and he won't be crashing around looking in cupboards. Just say we won't be up till x time so I have made you a tray ready if you wake early.
Other alternative is to suggest DH goes and spends night with him and see in the New Year. Quality father son time and a few beers.

StayWithMe · 30/12/2015 23:15

This is my first year without my darling husband and I thank my lucky stars my inlaws are a lot kinder than you OP. I hope this doesn't come back to bite you in the arse some day, when you need your children's support.

Bunnyjo · 30/12/2015 23:17

So sorry, Stay Flowers

AyeAmarok · 30/12/2015 23:19

How lovely and considerate you are.

WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan · 30/12/2015 23:20

Maybe your DH and children could spend the evening at your FIL and then stay over - you could have a lovely long lie in without any risk of being disturbed.

Quite honestly OP you and Jane sound pretty awful.

ExitPursuedByABear · 30/12/2015 23:21

My mum died on New Year's Eve.

user7755 · 30/12/2015 23:21

Really? You have to ask if you are being unreasonable?

NewLife4Me · 30/12/2015 23:21

Thanks for you StayWithMe, so sorry.

JakeBallardswife · 30/12/2015 23:22

Needs to stay over, not be alone on NYE. don't be mean, ask him to be quiet in the morning and tell him you'll do breakfast for 10 am or whatever suits you but he's welcome to help himself to drinks / cereals / toast before that.

janethegirl2 · 30/12/2015 23:24

Simply in my house with the fact that the fil will be up early with the dog and disturb others in the house hold it's a non starter, end of.

Most people need to sleep after a late night. Why should everyone else sufferer if fil and his dog cannot sleep.

Pannacott · 30/12/2015 23:25

Confused bumbo, I'd expect to be on my own. And Supermans pants I'm not saying OP shouldn't have him, just that I'm surprised that the responses are so clearly in favour.

Katarzyna79 · 30/12/2015 23:25

jane your scenario of being disturbed earlier in the morning than normal doesn't warrant begging a bed from a neighbour. the floods in the Uk warrant begging a bed and more from a neighbour not bloody housing fil for one night. It's not like he will be raving all night, he will wake up a bit earlier. Simple solution go bed earlier no harm done.

my husband is cranky with less sleep but he wouldn't be murderous, if you feel like that book in with a psychiatrist, your troubles run deeper than losing and hr or two of sleep.

also you can't control everything everytime you want. you may fall unexpectedly ill like i did, undiagnosed hospitalised with no previous ill health . i could barely lift my head forget organising what would happen to my kids. don't talk B.S as much as you would like you can't control variables all the time, life throws things at you without checking your rota. your statement about control is so ridiculous hahahah

Katarzyna79 · 30/12/2015 23:27

jane and OP sound too similar

janethegirl2 · 30/12/2015 23:27

I am all about control.and it works for me, don't care about the rest of you Wink