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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not want my fil to stay over on new years eve

384 replies

chocoholic05 · 30/12/2015 20:12

My mil died earlier on in the year. My dh wants to invite my fil to stay tomorrow night and into new years day. In fact despite endless discussions with dh from a conversation with fil today it seems he has. I don't want him to. I would rather came for dinner on new years day and stay for tea as well. My reasons are we only have a small house so where would he sleep other than our living room? He never ever lies in no matter what time he goes to bed. He will bring his dog who is also an early riser. And he will expect us to get up. Alsothe dog smells really badly. I know that sounds horrible but it's absolutely true. Finally I like new year spent with my boys. Family games and dvds.He is only a ten minute drive away. But my dh said it's his first new year on his own.

OP posts:
Katarzyna79 · 30/12/2015 23:45

no lass its b.s excuses. i do get disturbed though because for some odd reason he master bedroom is downstairs and kids being kids... i guess i should house my kids in my dads empty house so i get a few more winks ey? lol

but most folks if they have beds upstairs or deep sleepers with no crazy kids aren't all disturbed they snooze through

Bunnyjo · 30/12/2015 23:46

Flat - a sock puppet is where the an OP would name change on a thread and post to make it look like a different person agreeing with them.

FWIW, I don't think Jane is the OP's sock puppet and I also think this thread is true, because an advanced search of the OP shows she has been around for some time.

I think I'd prefer it if this thread was a wind-up, to be honest, because that would be more palatable than the realisation that people could be so selfish.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 23:47

Omfg. Jane are peoples kids that precious its such a tragedy they might be woken up early! What a bloody shame. Get over it. Its one night.
Im sure an old man and his stinky dog dont make that much noise. Ridiculous, shameful, wicked and cruel. OP's DH should tell her to pack her bags and DO ONE.

Sallystyle · 30/12/2015 23:47

Joining in with the YABU chorus here.

My inlaws sleeping is not something I would relish but I would never refuse them especially not if they are grieving.

What kind of person cares more about a lie in then their FIL? Even if you don't like him much I assume you like your husband so why would you want to put him in this position?

It's cruel.

Bing0wings · 30/12/2015 23:48

My god. I wish I could unleash you lot on my BIL/SIL. They have only had widowed FIL over once on Xmas day in the 10 years he has been widowed. My DM (widowed) would be saying the same as Panna and me, why can't he go home? DM never stays over as she prefers her own bed. But maybe cod my house is a dump :)

Toughasoldboots · 30/12/2015 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 23:50

Thanks for the sock puppet explanation - very weird Confused

minininipie · 30/12/2015 23:53

Haven't read the whole thread but you are being so unreasonable. It's one night. Ffs. Have some compassion.

roaringfire · 30/12/2015 23:53

YABU.

Take him and his dog for a lovely new years morning walk and connect with him as a member of your family.

Really. FFS. Have some compassion.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2015 23:56

I see choc/op hasn't come back unless is jane/t

Weird been on mn 10yrs or so and never heard of sock puppet

The only sock expression I know is wank sock ..... But I degrees

Stay - sorry for your loss. Way (widowed and young) is a support group I joined when dh died nearly 5yrs ago - need to be under 50 or else there is way up

janethegirl2 · 30/12/2015 23:56

superman my views are my opinions. You don't like them that's your choice.
But I am seriously pissed off at repeating my choices/ decisions.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 23:58

U2hastheedge
I am scared of getting old. I have 1 DS.
Can i ask you just out of curiosity and nothing else. Why do you not relish the in-laws staying the night? This is not a troll question. Just wondering. Seems a thing about in-laws. Im going to be a mother in law one day Confused

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2015 00:00

Panna I appreciate what you're saying but the fil is clearly a different sort of person to you so being alone is not the best thing for him this year. Might almost certainly will prefer to stay at home with his dog next year.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/12/2015 00:01

"I am all about control.and it works for me, don't care about the rest of you"

Do you have teenagers? I doubt it.

I think that, if you over-control every aspect of a child's life, they will eventually rebel, and you will lose them. When they are little, you control most, if not all of their lives - but you cannot do that as they grow up.

I have a teenager and two sons in their 20s - I have had to accept I don't have much influence in their lives any more - but because I was wise enough to realise I couldn't control everything, as they grew up, I let them make decisions, take control of their own lives, and now they come to me and to dh for advice. If we had tried to retain control over everything, as they grew up, I expect they'd have got away from us as far and as fast as they could.

IamtheZombie · 31/12/2015 00:03

Zombie was once in control of her life.

Then she got breast cancer. Then DH buggered off with a new sex toy because he found a one-titted Zombie repulsive. Then she got breast cancer again.

Things happen in life that one cannot control.

Best of luck if something like that happens in your life, jane. You're going to need it.

ssd · 31/12/2015 00:04

maybe the FIL is thinking "shit, son wants me to stay at his on new years eve but his wife is bloody hard work and the night is going to be tough enough without looking at her face tripping her..."

just sayin...

GabiSolis · 31/12/2015 00:05

This is such a sad thread. Hopefully OP hasn't been back for a while because she's knows how cold she has been. I find it horribly disturbing that someone would wilfully allow a person to be alone at what will be a very difficult time for the sake of a lie-in and the presence of their dog. It's just very disheartening. FIL's dog is probably his best friend and a massive comfort to him at the moment, very sad that this is a reason to not want him in the house.

ssd · 31/12/2015 00:06

well said zombie, well said

Bunnyjo · 31/12/2015 00:06

Going to out myself a little, but here goes...

In 2005, exactly as the Carlisle Floods hit (which may be a little more well known, thanks to Storm Desmond and his siblings), my MIL lost her DM (and my DH his gran). A year earlier, almost to the day, she lost her DF.

DM went to her parents house with DH and I. She had her own home in the village, but she had spent the last 15 months caring for her parents in their home. Because of the floods, everywhere was pitch black; it was January and the main substation was flooded, so we had no power, no heating, nothing. The house was so very cold and eerie; DH's gran had literally passed away in the living room a day earlier. But MIL wanted to be in her parents' home - she wanted to sit and reminisce with photos by candlelight and chat through her memories.

There was nowhere for DH and I to sleep - the sofas had been moved to make way for the commode, hospital bed and suchlike, and there was only one single bed upstairs to sleep in. The only other bed was a double that DH's grandparents last slept in together and it just felt wrong.

So DH and I slept on the freezing floor, just to be close to MIL. You know what? It didn't kill us and I know to this day it brought comfort to both MIL and DH.

What I/we did was nothing special - it's just what families do.

Bunnyjo · 31/12/2015 00:09

MIL went to her parent's house, not DM - ended up with eyes that were randomly watering while typing. Must be the dust...

WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan · 31/12/2015 00:10

Jane if you are sick of repeating yourself - please feel free to shut up...

FlatOnTheHill · 31/12/2015 00:14

Zombie sorry all of that happened to you Thanks

NotTheSpiceOfLife · 31/12/2015 00:14

OP, not only do you allow FIL to stay, you give him your bed and YOU sleep on the sofa or the floor. You heartless mofo.

And as for you Jane - words fail me.

Fucking hell, some people never fail to disappoint, do they?

HairForNow · 31/12/2015 00:16

Well, OP/JANE, you're not just talking about the death of your MIL, and your "annoying" FIL, you're talking about your husband who also lost his mother. Maybe your husband won't want to play games thinking about his mother, and then his father also thinking the same things on his own. New year is difficult as you have to then say they died "last year" which makes it seem distant and difficult.

Bunnyjo · 31/12/2015 00:21

Zombie sounds like a bloody marvellous lady Flowers

My close friend has breast cancer. Because of this and my research interests, it is something very close to my heart.

I hope Zombie takes comfort in seeing that the heartless and selfish are very much in the minority

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