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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want an even number of children?

91 replies

Charlottethemother · 30/12/2015 08:37

Dh and I are debating having DC3, however I feel that if we have 3, one of them will always be a bit left out (illogical and probably not true...) so I think if I have DC3 I will then have DC4 as well.
Is 4 too many??

OP posts:
MabelSideswipe · 30/12/2015 08:41

I don't know of 4 is too many. I have 3 and its hard work. Most of the parents of 3 I know say they would never have 4. I don't find that one is left out at all. I think the dynamic is more about age gaps and personality than anything else.

Enjolrass · 30/12/2015 08:46

4 is too many for me. Not for other people. That's subjective.

Wanting an even number so none are left out is unreasonable. You can't ensure all of them will get on or that three will and one won't.

Or that none get on.

LittleLionMansMummy · 30/12/2015 08:47

Well I have two sisters and was the youngest by 7 years. It was fine and the age gap lessens the older you get. I was mothered by my eldest sister, fought and played with my other sister (who also fiercely protected me) and got to spend quality time alone with my parents as I got older (holidays, meals out etc).

TheSecondOfHerName · 30/12/2015 08:47

We had two children but I wanted a third. The third turned out to be twins. Four children often feels like too many.

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/12/2015 08:50

I have 4 but the first 2 were teenagers when I had the third. I wouldn't have liked to have had them all at once.

Zippidydoodah · 30/12/2015 08:55

I used to say I wouldn't want three as it's an odd number...either two or four. Then we had two and wanted one more, so dc3 was born. Having three has pushed us to our limits (small age gaps). The thought of having one more is a truly terrifying one!! Also with three we don't need to buy a minibus bigger car.

nooka · 30/12/2015 08:56

I'm one of four. I'm very close with my two elder siblings, but not with the one closer in age to me. Similar dynamics with one of my sets of cousins, totally to do with personalities. My dh is one of three and seems undamaged by the experience Grin None of his siblings are close as adults, again mostly to do with personalities.

I have two children. Three would have been too many for me!

TattieHowkerz · 30/12/2015 08:56

I am the youngest of 3. This wasn't an issue. 3 can play together!

targaryen · 30/12/2015 08:56

I've got three and it's really hard work.
I like the idea of one more but don't think I would like the reality of it.
Why not have the third and then see how you feel, or you could end with your 4 as with pp!

raisin3cookies · 30/12/2015 08:57

I have five and don't intend to add another for an even number. ;)

dementedma · 30/12/2015 08:58

I have 3. It's enough!!!! Big gap between first two and third one which made it easier in some ways, harder in other.
My sister has 5.Grin

Zippidydoodah · 30/12/2015 08:59

Oh and I would also say, it's quite impossible at this stage for you to decide you'd want a fourth. See what three is like, first!

I know s few families who have done what Bathsheba has- 2, then a large gap, then two more. That sounds lovely. Dp and I didn't want to have to return to the baby/toddler stage, though, and I wanted to concentrate on getting my body and self back, without the thought of more pregnancies looming.

OddBoots · 30/12/2015 08:59

I don't know but my dh is one of five and was clear that he wanted an even number of children so you aren't alone in that.

AstridPeth · 30/12/2015 09:00

I have 4 dcs (dd1 13, dd2 12, dd3 9 and ds1 6), It was harder when they were younger but I wouldn't have done it any other way. There is always someone to play (or fight with lol). I think once you have had 3 there isn't much difference having the 4th, biggest jump is from 2 - 3 children in my opinion.

EndothermicVertebrate · 30/12/2015 09:06

I think Zippidy is right, you won't know until you have 3.

I wanted 4 kids (only child myself, hoped for lots of brother/sister combos and, like you, wanted an even number). Then DD arrived and pregnancy, labour & the first few months nearly finished me off, so here I am the proud mum of an 11yo only child!

Izzadoraduncancan · 30/12/2015 09:09

I am an only child and mother of 6! I love it. We had planned to stop at 4, but once no 5 came along we knew we would have no 6. They are in pairs

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 09:10

I was one of three, and have three children. None of us were left out when I was growing up, and none of my children are left out.

CheerfulYank · 30/12/2015 09:13

Actually I've heard three is as bad as it gets...one you shift into "outnumbered" mode you might as well have eight :o Or so they tell me.

I always wanted five. We'll see! I've got three right now.

BikeRunSki · 30/12/2015 09:15

I'm 1 of 4. 2b then 2g. Sounds like it should be the most natural 2 groups of 2 in the world, but actually, we fell into a group of b1,b2, g1, and then g2. There's not an excessively large age gap between the girls, it's just our personalities and interests are so different.

Zippidydoodah · 30/12/2015 09:15

CheerfulYank- so, having a third hasn't put you off having any more five?! Grin

wigglesrock · 30/12/2015 09:17

I have 3 - I can't really say one is left out - they all choose what they want to do. Sometimes all 3 of them will play together, sometimes one will want to do something different and the other two will watch a film, go outside, draw. Right now each of them is doing something different.

I find that having 3 makes it easier to have one to one time with each of them. If I take one of them out, there's two left to play together, go up to my mums, hang about. Three has been perfect for me (I'm the eldest of two and my husband is the middle of three).

SevenSeconds · 30/12/2015 09:17

I think you won't be able to decide about DC4 until you have had DC3. It seems a bit crazy to me to decide on "both or neither" at this point!

I have 3 btw. They get on well and no one is consistently left out.

IceBeing · 30/12/2015 09:23

won't anyone think of the planet? 4 is too many and so is 3....

Pidapie · 30/12/2015 09:24

I have 2 sisters and it was fine :) Personally I think 2 is plenty!

TimeToMuskUp · 30/12/2015 09:24

Lots of our friends have 3 and say how easy it is going from 2 to 3. We have 2 and can't have more, but I'd have happily gone for 3. It's mostly down to their temperaments isn't it, wether they get along? I was a bit smug thinking the 5 year age gap would mean mine never fought. I've been shown the error of my ways because they have such a love-hate relationship. It makes no odds how many you have; they'll always squabble at times.