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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want an even number of children?

91 replies

Charlottethemother · 30/12/2015 08:37

Dh and I are debating having DC3, however I feel that if we have 3, one of them will always be a bit left out (illogical and probably not true...) so I think if I have DC3 I will then have DC4 as well.
Is 4 too many??

OP posts:
Wombat87 · 30/12/2015 11:49

I am 1 of 2. My sister and I aren't massively close. We are family and there, but are very independent of each other. You aren't guaranteed to have children that get on in the way you are imagining. Based on that... I'd say you ABU to want have another child solely for your stated reason.

hownottofuckup · 30/12/2015 11:55

Going from 2 to 3 was hard work. Having DC 4 has been a walk in the park (so far). DC2 & 3 are now much closer too, whereas DC2 was always the odd one out before.

Junosmum · 30/12/2015 13:03

My mum always says that the jump from 2 - 3 was easy but the jump from 3 - 4was hell! She still went on to have number 5 though!

knobblyknee · 30/12/2015 13:04

I have one and a dog. Its much easier, no one is ever left out Grin

Trills · 30/12/2015 13:05

What if you try for #4 and end up with twins?

Will you have to then have #6?

ThornyBird · 30/12/2015 13:10

We have 4dc (14,12,9,6) and I found 1-2 the hardest jump and 2-3 the easiest. No3 was a dream and lulled us into having No4 Grin

There are challenges to having 4 as mentioned by PP - cars, family tickets (usually 2A3C), days out that suit everyone. However, I love having 4dc and wouldn't go back.

jevoudrais · 30/12/2015 13:21

I am a third child. One of us often felt left out, I certainly did. I would never have three. Never ever, two or four would be my preference too. I would personally only want two though, but if I had an accidental third I would up it to four if at all possible.

The only exception might be twins be a single where three may be OK, I think the twin bond might help break the being left out.

5madthings · 30/12/2015 13:24

We have five and am expecting no 6 at easter.

Always wanted four, then once we had four we decided to have just one more. Four boys and one girl and no one gets left out. Ds1 has always been more of a solitary child, prefers to take himself off and read or do programming or maths etc... The others all get on well, sometimes ds2 and ds3 pair up, other times it varies.

We were done. Dd the youngest just turned five and we were very much moving on past the baby stage, despite being a bit broody we wrre happy with five. No six is a bonus, I do wonder with the bigger age gap if theu will always be a bit left out but I won't be having no 7 just to give them a playmate!

I do think once you get past three you are outnumbered anyway and I am assuming that no 6 isn't going to make much difference as life is already a bit crazy!

Odd or even doesn't matter but for photos I think odd numbers looks better... You can't plan your family on thst though.

5madthings · 30/12/2015 13:26

Twins was my worry this time, they do run on my mum's side of the family sp I was relieved when scan showed just one!

AndNowItsSeven · 30/12/2015 13:33

I know what you mean op I would like another one so we have 8 rather than 7. However my health isn't good so I can't have any more babies.

Topseyt · 30/12/2015 13:53

I am the eldest of two. I have three DDs.

I like having three. Three is just right for us. A slightly larger than average family, but not too big.

For us another child would have been too many, and if I am honest, by then I was more than ready to put the hard work baby & toddler years behind me.

I'd have accepted and loved four children only if my pregnancy with DD3 had produced twins.

Financially too, three was enough.

BigGreenOlives · 30/12/2015 14:08

I think it is easier to have 3 toddlers & primary school aged children than 3 teens. How many times do you want to go to parents' evenings, learn about GCSE choices, have talks about UCAS forms. How many children are you going to pick up from parties at 8:30 on a Saturday night? Or pick up from rehearsals/shows/concerts at 10.15 on a week night? They can't always travel independently & they all deserve support.

5madthings · 30/12/2015 15:15

Teenagers/older kids need you in different ways. The gcse choices,having been through it twice now is one eve at school. Then going through the options with your child. Ds1 knew what he wanted to do, ds2 is Guinea pig for the new gcse system, didn't know what he wanted, has asc as well so that is making it more challenging but the gcse options evenings, parents eve are a couple of times a year. Not really a big deal. More of a pita for ds2 as hos school is a drive away, ds1's 6th form is a twenty -thirty min walk or quick bike ride. Ds3 starts at high school in sept, it's less than a five min walk away. Ds1 went there as well, school concerts etc they can just walk as it's so close even in evenings. Actually when dd was born one of her first outings at three days old was the Xmas concert at high school for ds1, we walked I had her in a sling.

We are lucky to live in an area where kids can walk or bike or use buses to get to most things so don't always have to transport teens about. If you live somewhere you need to drive everywhere I can see it would be more of a chore. It was something we factored in when we bought our house actually, esp as I lived rurally as a teen and hated being dependent on parents for lifts. So our teens do get lifts if necessary but can get to and from places on their own. It's more juggling homework, ds2's needs as he needs more support, organisation with his asc that keeps us busy.

Dh changed jobs this year, same area/field but to a school based setting so he has more family friendly hours. Still shift work but not crazy hours like the last ten years.

Ericaequites · 30/12/2015 15:30

Three is a tricky number. I am the third child, younger than the other two by nine years. At forty-five, I'm still considered the baby. Two is ideal; three is a crowd.

midnightmoomoo · 30/12/2015 15:50

No I get it. But from the opposite POV...for me it was three kids or five. Odd numbers make a circle but even numbers have corners.......DH didn't understand that logic either!

We have three kids. One of the best things is my DD is the middle child so I'm hoping being the only girl cancels out middle child syndrome!

You'll know when your family is complete.

DramaAlpaca · 30/12/2015 15:55

I like having three, they are all boys, they are close in age & they get on well. I don't think any of them have felt left out. Four would've been too many for us.

Anotherusername1 · 30/12/2015 16:22

I know someone who had 2 children, had a third and the third ended up being triplets!

Be careful what you wish for :)

But ultimately it is up to your family.

LookingForwardto2016 · 30/12/2015 16:24

I have 3 and they're a handful. Can't imagine me having 4!

CurlyBlueberry · 30/12/2015 16:57

Anecdotal: The number of people I seem to hear about who either decide to go for no.4, or accidentally fall pregnant after 3dc, and end up having twins... puts me off a bit! Grin

SummerNights1986 · 30/12/2015 16:57

I know s few families who have done what Bathsheba has- 2, then a large gap, then two more

This is kind of what we are planning. We have two, aged 7 and 5 (nearly 8/6 though).

We have plans for the next year...I have my sights on a promotion at work, Dh is re-training which will take a year ish, we're planning on moving...so it will be at least a year before we TTC.

I suspect the dc will be 11 and 9 when we have another baby (assuming that TTC goes well of course). And we'll probably then try for another with a small age gap. So end up with a 14, 12, 3 and 1 year old maybe? Sounds quite nice to me, hopefully.

DixieNormas · 30/12/2015 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Decanter · 30/12/2015 17:59

I don't think YABU to want an even number. We feel the same and it's one of the reasons why we stopped at two (had we been younger when we started we may have had 4 by now!) DH and my DBrother, are the oldest in their sibling groups, and both have 2 younger sisters. In both DH's and in my family, the eldest sibling (brother) broke off from family activities and holidays etc, relatively early (earlier I believe than they would have done, had they only had one younger sibling, and I believe, regardless of gender) leaving mum, dad and 2 girls to enjoy holidays, days out etc. I can see in my own family and in DH's that this has had a lasting impact and has definitely shaped the future to some degree for DH and DB as adults/young adults wrt next steps, movinf out etc, choosing more independent paths. I didn't want this same scenario to repeat in my family with my own kids, so we chose to stop at 2, rather than chance any more. And of course I KNOW that everyone is different, but we all base our parenting and life choices on experiences and beliefs of some sort Smile

TheNoodlesIncident · 30/12/2015 18:04

We were four.

In our family 3 stuck together and 1 was "left out" (usually by his own wish). I do think it's more down to personalities rather than numbers.

Headofthehive55 · 30/12/2015 18:37

decanter I left my family group very early, but there were only two of us, I have a younger brother.

My own family is four children and the oldest has stayed doing family stuff much longer than I did.

I think it's down to personalities.

RufusTheReindeer · 30/12/2015 19:19

We wanted 4 but had a miscarraige which threw the age gals out too much for us Grin

we stopped at 3 (mainly because dh wanted to) but he said the other day that he wished we had had number 4

I have two acquaintances who ended up with twins, 1 tried for baby number 2 and ended up with twins and the other tried for a boy after 2 girls and ended up with twin girls