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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want an even number of children?

91 replies

Charlottethemother · 30/12/2015 08:37

Dh and I are debating having DC3, however I feel that if we have 3, one of them will always be a bit left out (illogical and probably not true...) so I think if I have DC3 I will then have DC4 as well.
Is 4 too many??

OP posts:

backinthebox · 30/12/2015 09:25

I am one of three, none us felt left out. My DH is third of 4. His mother only ever wanted an even number and was happy to stop at two, but became accidently pregnant with DH and for some warped reason felt she had to go on and have No. 4 as she 'had to have an even number' even though she only ever wanted two. She reminded DH for nearly 40 years (until she died) that he was the child that 'made' her have 4 children against her wishes. Nice. Have however many children you want, OP - there's plenty of space in the world for batshit people to keep populating it because they have a fixation with even numbers!

G1veMeStrength · 30/12/2015 09:28

If you have three you will have A Middle Child. Don't do it to the poor soul. All their life they won't be old enough to do the same as DC1, but they will be too old to get away with what DC3 does. They will grow up drinking too much and moaning on mumsnet.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 30/12/2015 09:36

If you have 3 and have one more to even the numbers, you will have twins for your 4th pregnancy and still have an uneven number :o

I have 3 and sometimes wish no 3 had a close in age sibling, because my older two are very close and their relationship with the youngest is different - they adore him and baby him but do exclude him if they want to play something he will "ruin" or "destroy" and he can't keep up with them physically on bike rides etc.

My 3rd didn't sleep through til he was 3 and wasn't just waking once a night, his sleep was really, really unbelievably awful until he was at least 2.5, and he was also harder work in the day than his siblings had been, even 2 of them close in age, so I could not have contemplated ttc when he was 12-18 months and a bigger gap would have defeated the object, (also when he was born the consultant advised against another pregnancy due to increased risk to me) so you can't be sure, if you had 3, whether you would then be able to go through with a 4th pregnancy after that.

Have each baby because you want that baby - you have no way of knowing whether you'll be able to have a 4th (or whether a 4th would be a 4th and a 5th).

Samantha28 · 30/12/2015 09:39

i agree that whether or not they get on or play together is more about personality and interests.

The even number thing is nonsense

Hotpatootietimewarp · 30/12/2015 09:44

We have 3, a 7 year old, 2 year old and 9 month old. I'm on the fence at the minute as I feel I'd regret not having one more but feel it will be nice once they are pre school etc. We definitely wouldn't be having another till the youngest is a year or 2 older though wouldn't want another close age gap

foragogo · 30/12/2015 09:49

Inam one of four and have 3 dc. My mother was constantly going onna bout the even number, one left out thing. I can categorically state that it's bullshit.

The youngest two always play together, irrespective, and the older one or two goes off and does there own teenage thing, more than happy to be left alone for a bit.

Headofthehive55 · 30/12/2015 09:51

I agree it enables more one on one time with each of them as the other two entertain each other whilst you nab one for extra maths or shopping or...

I have three most if the time at home as our eldest is living away. So we go from four to three and back again quite easily.

I agree the jump is one, two, lots.

ChristmasHousewife · 30/12/2015 09:54

We have 4 and it's bloody hard work. My eldest is from a previous relationship and the times when we have 3 are brilliant! 3 is a good number IMO and given my time again I'm not sure I'd have a fourth, though obviously I adore DC4 and wouldn't ever be without her.

RebootYourEngine · 30/12/2015 10:06

I think it is crazy to have more children just because you want an even number. What happens if 3 of the 4 are boys and 1 is a girl. She could be left out. What happens if 3 of the 4 like cars and the other one likes superheroes.

I dont think that it is down to numbers, i think it is down to personalities. I am one of an even number and none of us got on growing up.

I think one or two are a fine number of children to have.

Kim82 · 30/12/2015 10:10

I have 4 with a large age gap between dc3 and dc4. The elder 3 have always got on well but as the eldest was a boy and the middle 2 are girls Ds has different interests so tends to leave them to it quite often. He's happy to do his own thing though so it was never an issue. The two girls (aged 11 and 8 now) are incredibly close and always have been. They're currently in the kitchen chattingn away doing crafts.

The youngest (another girl) is adored by the older 3, they play with her a lot but she does get left out some times obviously as she's only 17 months so can't join in with a lot of their games or go out playing in the street with them. I won't be having another one though, 4 is definitely enough for me!

Doilooklikeatourist · 30/12/2015 10:12

I'm one of 3 ( all girls )
Which is the main reason we only had 2 ( didn't want 3 and knew I couldn't cope with 4 )

bigbuttons · 30/12/2015 10:14

I have 6.
I remembering number 4 being the difference having the energy to go out once a week and then no longer having any energy for anything.
There is a big difference between having 3 and 4 children, much more so than between having 2 and 3.

HumTiddlyTum · 30/12/2015 10:17

I'm married to a middle child, his elder brother is treat in God like fashion by his parents, his younger brother is the golden "can do no wrong" child. DH gets treat differently. It's hard to watch. Very much dependent on how you parent I guess but I'd never have three.

RainWildsGirl · 30/12/2015 10:20

we're expecting DC4 because 3 doesn't work for us. 1 is always left out when all 3 are home. (ages 6, 3 and 3). Life is much better when one or other has a friend to play to even the numbers. originally we had planned 3 but it just doesn't feel right for us. and as others have said, once you're over 2 it seems to make little difference!! (although I have DTs so never had only 2 children!!)

but - we already have a 7 seater car and a house big enough (with room sharing) and have all our baby stuff and clothes still. so we already had to spend the big money due to having DTs so the financial aspect of 4 is lessened a bit for the early years. I hear the teen years get silly expensive though!!

but I warn you the house is semi-organised chaos! at least a load of laundry every day, coats/shoes/bags need a whole room of their own! it is rare for us to be on time due to the military operation required to get out of the door. it is stressful (and I only have 3 for another few weeks!), you have to be willing to accept the seemingly carefree and easy life of lunches out and coffee shops in peace and tranquillity that parents of only children have is well out of reach! (yes my lovely friends, I'm looking at you!!)

Trills · 30/12/2015 10:24

You cannot ask someone to commit to having any more children than "one more than you have right now". You cannot ask for that promise. You may find when the time comes that you do not want it.

4 may or may not be too many for you. Having a 4th so that they will play with the 3rd is bonkers. You have no guarantee of this.

WhirlwindHugs · 30/12/2015 10:26

We have 3.

I did want an even number but I couldn't manage another - not that I think 4 is too many, but my 3 have had some mild health/SN issues and I don't feel I could cope with another round of that. I adore them all and am happy to have 3 though. They mostly get on well.

LordBrightside · 30/12/2015 10:28

Odd number? What the actual???!?!

How on earth does it matter whether the number of children you have is odd or even?

Katarzyna79 · 30/12/2015 10:31

Middle child syndrome isnt a good reason to avoid having 3 or more kids. Parents should be working on their skills to make their kids feel equally loved. Even with just two kids one kid usually the older can be favoured over the 2nd child, so does tjat mean everyone should have one child only?

I think its unreasonable to have an even number of kids its not like a doll collection,i find it distasteful.

4 kids is a lot but so is 3 or 2 . i felt the same but some how you manahe the himsn spirit is incredible. Im pregnant with no. 5 . In my head this is a huge family.

you will manage no matter how many you have just dont go crazy and end up on tv with 15 and counting.

Largest family i know has 9 kids they seemed very happy but like me always puttong laundry away a pita. I wouldnt want that many seems insane!!!

Whatsinaname2011 · 30/12/2015 10:33

I think the idea of being "left out" sometimes sounds appealing.

If you're the sole playmate to your one sibling there is the pressure to play even if you don't want to. But if you're one of 3 then there is always SOMEONE to agree to play the board game, or do an activity, and the 3rd can join in OR read a book or do what they want.

notenoughbottle · 30/12/2015 10:40

I have 3. Two ds 9 and 7 and one surprise dd 2, although I'd always wanted 3. It's hard work to say the least especially now I'm back doing the toddler thing again with the youngest. I wouldn't swap my dd for the world but I should have stuck at 2 (although no one would ever hear me say that out loud). My ds's adore their sister and it does mean there is always someone to play with. Any more (which isn't possible as I'm single) would tip me over the edge I'd end up in the local mental health facility

Louise43210 · 30/12/2015 10:49

3 is an ace number. Two to play together, one with you attention. In theory. Lol. I have 4. Its lots!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 30/12/2015 10:51

I have 4 & would love a 5th although I doubt we ever will! Number 4 was a surprise though and seems to have reawakened my ovaries. I was perfectly happy with 3 and felt complete as soon as we got home. I have quite close age, gaps 5 years 3 months oldest to youngest. 3 worked really well but 4 seems to be panning ok too.

Sprink · 30/12/2015 10:56

How on earth does it matter whether the number of children you have is odd or even?

Think of the rides at Disneyworld. That was pretty much the guiding force of our family planning.

ThePortlyPinUp · 30/12/2015 10:58

We have 4, all girls (14,10,8,7) buying cars is a nightmare when you have a very limited budget, and Christmas and school uniform shopping is expensive.
I was one of 3 and it was always two against one, however that still seems to be the case with four! Don't get me wrong I wouldn't change anything and love having four but it is definitely four times the work. We are very lucky that we socialise in a music scene where we can take the kids to gigs so we get at least one night out a month where we can socialise and let our hair down, that is what keeps me sane tbh.

Titsalinabumsquash · 30/12/2015 11:29

I have 4 - 11,9,3,8mnths. It's chuffing hard work imo.

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