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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
foragogo · 30/12/2015 10:34

Sallying forth. That's not strictly true about supermarket car parking. You don't have to pay anymore than you used to. What has changed is that there is now a more structured process for car park owners to try an force you to pay and a few legal precedents have gone through. So you are more likely to be made to pay, should they decide to take it further.

babybarrister · 30/12/2015 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MardyBra · 30/12/2015 10:39

The homeschooling brigade.

One of my DC once had a bullying problem at school. I had some fantastic advice from a group of posters but one MNer admonished me for not removing them and homeschooling. I think the word abusive was used, because I wasn't prepared to immediately give up my job and income stream.

HortonWho · 30/12/2015 10:41

"...phoned the police and they knocked on the woman's door and when she refused to answer they bashed it open."

I think this is a exactly the type of misleading thing we're discussing. Did the police seriously break into a private dwelling because the music was too loud and no one answered the door?"

Or did they break in because they made the decision the occupant could be in danger (fell down, passed out, overdosed)?

It implies the police can kick in my door if I don't answer. Which, they can't.

motherinferior · 30/12/2015 10:41

'Sit down and talk'. There is something about the injunction to sit down which makes my teeth itch.

Compo and others, I take your points about work being/not being a long term investment: I'm not sure I agree but I will think about itGrin.

Anyone who wants fluffily to earn money as 'a writer' also gets my journalist goat. As does the accusation 'are you a journalist' especially when the OP clearly isn't, if you actually are a journalist and can recognise one.

BeyondJinglebells · 30/12/2015 10:42

Eat less, move more, or the more specific...

"Its a simple equation calories in

delilabell · 30/12/2015 10:42

Social services take children (particularly blonde haired blue eyes children) just so that they can get them adopted and get lots of money.

mintoil · 30/12/2015 10:42

fanny I totally accept it isn't an entitlement and I haven't seen it bandied about on MN as such - just as a "many solicitors offer this service" kind of thing. I agree if people are saying it is some kind of legal right that is incorrect and could lead to embarrassment all round!

All the people I know who used it did so for divorce. I actually used Marilyn Stowe (one of her minions, not the lady herself) so it isn't just desperate local solicitors who do this.

I agree with baby barrister, the most oft quoted misconception is the common law wife one. When will they learn?

Fizrim · 30/12/2015 10:43

The hatred and resentment of Social Services on here bugs me. They don't take children away from their parents lightly, so anyone complaining that they did minor thing and their children were removed straightaway should be treated with a healthy dose of Hmm . SS get involved for a reason and never lightly.

Landlord hatred. If there were no buy-to-let landlords, house prices would fall to a level where everyone could purchase easily. No. There would be more homeless people than the councils could cope with though, as not all renters would be able to purchase the property they currently rent.

BeyondJinglebells · 30/12/2015 10:45

I've never seen common law wife used on here? I knew that one was bullshit before i'd ever heard of mn!

Potatoface2 · 30/12/2015 10:45

people come on here and ask people for medical advice and the response is dial NHS direct (defunct) or 111.....imo 111 not fit for purpose!

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 10:47

The issue about the 30 minutes free legal advice isn't only whether it is or isn't an entitlement. It's also the fact that a solicitor really can't give reliable legal advice on anything other than quite superficial matters without taking detailed instructions from the potential client and without seeing relevant documents. It's a truism that free legal advice is worth precisely as much as you pay for it.

Fizrim · 30/12/2015 10:47

NHS direct is defunct, but I use it as shorthand for whatever your local service is. Agree about 111.

Also agree about common-law wife, why do people even think that exists?

DifferentCats · 30/12/2015 10:49

Oh, yes. We can't go a few posts without a mention of Lundy Bancroft and his book Every Type of Argument You can Imagine and More.

I'm sure it is helpful, but it's ridiculous when someone tries to shove the OP through the jigsaw piece hole of abuse, when it's blatantly a silly argument for which we have only been told one side, and even the OP starts saying that it isn't like that, but everyone is shouting read about how you are being abused!

He won't put his hand in the sink to pull filth out of the plughole = abuse
He bought chrysanthemums, but you only like carnations = abuse
He has a lock on his phone for security reasons, in line with recommended procedures = cheating on you and abuse

Jibberjabberjooo · 30/12/2015 10:49

Loads of people seem to think 'common law' exists or that there seems to be some sort of magic law once you've lived together for two years. Hmm

GoldPlatedBacon · 30/12/2015 10:51

The legal advice worries me. Just because you 'definitely think' op will get compensation/the house/discrimated against given that a solicitor could never say 'definitely' even after reviewing all the paperwork I 'definitely think' you're wrong so don't advise.

The assumption that every one has significant savings (therefore can move/go sick/sahm/quit job on a whim)

Sling/tongue tie being the default answer to an unsettled baby. I would expect parents to have already considered these.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/12/2015 10:54

The teenage "advice" that gets my goat is stop doing anything for them once they hit 13/14. Don't wash their clothes, take them anywhere, make their packed lunch, cook their dinner, be nice to them , nothing. Treat them like a lodger "coz that'll learn them the hard way"!

It really grinds my gears.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2015 10:54

I haven't read the entire thread but...

When someone's DP comes home pissed out of his head at 5am.

"Leave the kids with him and go out for the day"

Yeah because leaving your kids with a drunk/hungover 'carer' whose likely to have their head down the toilet all day, is really responsible Hmm

Pipistrella · 30/12/2015 10:56

111 is not normally very helpful IME. It's really not. You might as well talk to a toy robot. Sometimes they come through. The rest of the time it's pointless.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 10:56

Yes to so many of these!

LTB, go NC, the £50 flu test thing.

I also dislike people recommending alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen as standard procedure any time a child has a fever over 38.

ghostspirit · 30/12/2015 10:57

im on the fence with the ss one. when i had a ss worker years ago. she did actually lie and twist things. it was only because my health visitor stood up for me and said the social worker was lying when we was in confrence. if it had not been for the HV god knows what would have happend.That ss worker left... i then got a new ss worker for 3 months. i have not had any contact with them since that was about 11/12 years ago but i have never forgotten the effect it had.

also when i see about kids being taken into care they say its not ss that do it its down to the courts...yeah based on what ss have said.

GabiSolis · 30/12/2015 10:59

The learn to drive arseholes really piss me off. It's not easy, obtainable, affordable etc for everyone and there's always one moron on the threads where the issue the comes up that just hands out that 'advice'. I want to scream at them. I drive, but I had terrible anxiety about it and it took me a long time to be confident. Just trotting out the 'why don't you drive?!' or 'learn to drive!' lines is not helpful.

Slutbucket · 30/12/2015 11:04

What's wrong with alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen?

99percentchocolate · 30/12/2015 11:05

"Ltb", yes in some circumstances but I saw some posters telling an op to Ltb the other day because he didn't want to go out for lunch when he was supposed to be working. Completely bizarre. Confused

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 30/12/2015 11:05

Sure, it isn't just local solicitors who do a free half hour. Indeed plenty don't. There's no hard and fast rules about availability really, but it's a pain in the arse either way. And in some ways, what dipankri refers to is the bigger problem: so often you can do sod all in half an hour.

Re common law spouse, I must say I see as many people squashing this as saying it exists. It is true that it's a common one in real life (I have a friend who's also a solicitor who thought cohabitation became legally equivalent to marriage after two years! In her defence she's never studied or practiced family law but just shows how common it is).