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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
Havingafieldday · 30/12/2015 11:06

I remember a thread about the 48 rule and it was full of people saying "well 48 hours is at 10.33am so I will drop him through the school gates at 10.34am. WTF, you either keep them home the rest of the day or drop them off for 9am, just 46.5 hours after the sickness. Are you seriously saying that your child is infectious at 10.32 and by 10.33 they're totally fine?

ghostspirit · 30/12/2015 11:07

i dont like the lines of get a job/get a new job/work more hours

or if your child turned 18 yesterday... she/he is an adult like there is a button thats pressed. day before their a child today they are an adult. and the get a job leave home yeah because thats easy to do

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/12/2015 11:09

The basket total for one of the more frequently used supermarket is more than £25 it changed to £40 a few months ago.

I have on a few occasions advised a parent to ring the nspcc both on here and in RL for a couple of reasons, sometimes they are concerned about a child and they have said enough things that to me suggest those concerns are quite valid, phoning the nspcc if they give the same info to them as they have given to me will trigger a referal to CS, this means that they can cut through all of the responsibility they feel for personally telling CS and get the matter out of their hands.

I've also done it when based on what they have said I have concerns.

What tends to happen is someone with a bit of additional training on the end of a phone gets given the info if it makes them think there is an issue they speak to a properly qualified person sometimes at the time of the call, often this can be enough to make parent stop and think that what they thought was quite acceptable may not be or it can trigger a much needed intervention.
I've also known people begging CS for help not get it until referal from nspcc happens. How ever crappy and emotive they are as a service they are incredibly good at wording referrals and will often provide full transcripts with highlighted builet point with it. Decent fair accurate referrals are not something that many other places are known for.

And yes the police do want DA sufferers to talk to them often it's the best way to get a well needed risk assesmemt and help but I do think it's unfair to imply it will not trigger a chain of events even if at that time a crime may not have been commited.(DA safeguarding specialist for over 2 decades)

miasdaddy · 30/12/2015 11:10

Men can go out all night without there being another woman/drugs/lap dancers involved

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 30/12/2015 11:12

Nothing's wrong with alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen as a way of dealing with serious pain/fever - the complaint was that they'd seen it recommended as a kneejerk response to a mildly poorly DC (not seen that myself TBH).

hefzi · 30/12/2015 11:12

Luther, Vicky, Magpie and Dawn have said it already - but the constant advice for going NC over trivial issues: it's a major decision, that has a real impact on not only the individual but the rest of their family - for the rest of their lives. In some cases, it is the only solution - but it should always be the last option. To read MN, you'd assume it was appropriate for everything from spats over names to inappropriate birthday presents Hmm

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 11:14

Slutbucket - it's only really supposed to be recommended as a last resort when the child is in discomfort. Suggesting it when a child's fever inches over 38 without even knowing how the child is otherwise is a bit overkill.

From NICE:

1.6.3.1 Consider using either paracetamol or ibuprofen in children with fever who appear distressed. [new 2013]

1.6.3.2 Do not use antipyretic agents with the sole aim of reducing body temperature in children with fever. [new 2013]

1.6.3.3 When using paracetamol or ibuprofen in children with fever:

continue only as long as the child appears distressed

consider changing to the other agent if the child's distress is not alleviated

do not give both agents simultaneously

only consider alternating these agents if the distress persists or recurs before the next dose is due. [new 2013]

honkinghaddock · 30/12/2015 11:14

There is nothing wrong with alternating p and I. Every gp I have seen has said this.

honkinghaddock · 30/12/2015 11:15

Wouldn't do it for only high temp though.

weeonion · 30/12/2015 11:16

Get a cleaner
Get a nanny
Get a part time job

Most of the people i know are cleaners working 3 or 4 jobs
Most people I know dont have a spare bedroom to take in a nanny
Alot of people I know have tried to get part time work, of which there is little available with huge numbers applying

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/12/2015 11:16

That chicken pox is nothing but a mild childhood disease that needs catching ASAP
Even after posters who have had hideous life threatening and worse experiences point out that this is not always the case.

Sirzy · 30/12/2015 11:19

The people who still suggest damp flannels to reduce a fever

JeanneDeMontbaston · 30/12/2015 11:19

I'm on the side of the LTBers, broadly. It's often good advice and I cannot believe any woman in the world has left a good relationship because a collection of MNers told her to, then sat there thinking 'shit! Dave was lovely, and I left him because he didn't fold his socks!'

But anyway, for me it's the advice about adult children at university of the 'email his tutor/ find out what the appeals process is and do it for him/ go down there are insist on meeting his supervisor'. It's been said, but it bears repeating that this is not a good idea. It is not legal for tutors to give out confidential info about adults to third parties. Otherwise, university related ones:

He has done DofE and has grade 7 flute, that is very important for his university application No, it isn't.

There is no point in the OP's DD applying to Oxford/Cambridge/random decent university as she hasn't got straight As at GCSE/ she is studying Drama A Level/ her mother has dared to imply she might be bright on a MN thread*. Yes, there probably is - if she wants to go there and it's a course she likes.

Don't apply to Oxbridge, they are snobs and have a secret, Byzantine admissions process whose inner workings are known only to Poster X, who has no tangible connection to Oxbridge. They remain unknown to the Admissions Offices of both institutions. This one just makes steam come out of my ears. FFS, if you want to apply, apply. Ring up Admissions or read their webpage.

OP, you asked what the 'rule' is for submitting essays at university X. I am at university Y, but will tell you with absolute certainty the universal rule is you get 30% leeway, five days' grace and a banana. There are no universal rules about university assessment and there is no point asking about it on MN.

Jibberjabberjooo · 30/12/2015 11:20

Yes Sirzy that one irritates me too. Even when I was a nursing student years ago that wasn't recommended.

Jw35 · 30/12/2015 11:21

The advice on the weaning board is particularly repetitive: do BLW. It seems to be the answer to absolutely everything. Some posters seem incapable of imagining that some mothers or some babies might not like the idea.

Absolutely! Grr!

CakeFail · 30/12/2015 11:22

YY to the chicken pox and cleaner / nanny ones ^^.

Also "just be grateful you have a mum / dad / brother / great auntie". I see this a lot and always think it's quite minimising and disingenuous 'advice'. A bit nasty to boot.

Spanglecrab · 30/12/2015 11:22

I hadn't heard of the £50 test but surely it would mean that the higher your disposable income the lower your threshold for flu? Bill Gates would always be diagnosed with flu wouldn't he?

GabiSolis · 30/12/2015 11:23

Oh yes, the NC crap. And it is definitely said more often with ILs than anyone else. Some posters on the relationships board give utterly ridiculous and horrific 'advice' when questions about ILs are asked.

Jibberjabberjooo · 30/12/2015 11:23

You can catch shingles.

No you can't.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 11:24

Grin spangle

megletthesecond · 30/12/2015 11:25

"Get a nanny / au pair". Only works if you have a spare room and aren't living in a shoebox.

"See your gp for counselling / cbt". Nope, doesn't happen. I waited 2 years for an appointment despite having previous episodes of depression. Total waste of time.

user838383 · 30/12/2015 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject · 30/12/2015 11:27

trouble is that there are no instant fixes for a lot of the recurring problems. Telling people what they should or should not have done a few years ago may be the right answer but clearly can't be implemented.

so the advice might be...

  • teach your kids the basic lifeskills as you go, don't leave it until they are 13 and then wonder why they don't do anything
  • don't hook up with an arsehole thinking he'll change. If you do, don't breed with him.
  • don't have more kids than you have space/money for
  • don't spend like there was no tomorrow because you think you'll never lose your job/get ill/have kids.

...but if it is too late, the advice is of no value!

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 11:27

There are also the ones who, when the OP has posted about a blatantly illegal situation, give advice based on the assumption that that's absolutely fine. It happens often with schools that send children home regularly or impose part time timetables - that's illegal, ffs, and is a blatant admission that the school isn't meeting the child's needs: the poster doesn't need advice about how to improve the child's behaviour, she needs advice about how to enforce his right to full time education and proper support for his difficulties.

MrsJayy · 30/12/2015 11:27

Looking for cheap holiday go camping once you buy all the kit its cheap okayy then

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