Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
Maryz · 30/12/2015 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineyReborn · 30/12/2015 10:04

PatriciaJones, I think £50 is considered sufficiently tempting that if ignored by a person, then that person must indeed be truly feeling ill.

magpie17 · 30/12/2015 10:09

"Go NC" makes me argh at the screen, usually for some minor etiquette infringement or whatever. This sort of thing is usually spouted by people who say "do it, I'm NC with MIL/FIL/DM apart from Christmas, birthdays, a weekly phonecall and the day they look after the kids and its such a relief"...

I am genuinely NC with my whole birth family for long a complicated reasons, it is incredibly hard and sad and the most difficult and traumatic decision I have ever made - one which took years of abuse to come to. It's not something to be done lightly or at the drop of a hat and it's not in any way the answer to not 'getting on' with family members. Also NC is just that NO contact, at all, ever. Not telling my mum I had a baby remains one of the hardest things I've ever done but it was the right thing for him and me. NC is not a joke and can be a life altering thing to decide.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 30/12/2015 10:13

In fairness northern the advice to solve the problem by earning x times what your husband does pretty much all comes from the same poster. She just likes name changing. Everyone else thinks it's as daft as you do.

EffieIsATrinket · 30/12/2015 10:14

Grin ungoogleable

Agree with fusion

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2015 10:14

I remember one thread when someone had been served with a s21 notice by the landlord seeking the property back and people were lecturing them on getting out at the end of the term to be fair to the landlord. However, the council had said they wouldn't rehouse them until after the possession order was granted by the court.

Myself and a couple of other landlords went on the thread and told them to stay put as it wasn't their fault that the council set these hurdles. Any decent landlord knows exactly how the system works and is prepared for the fact that their tenants won't always move out on service of the notice.

If they had left the property in accordance with the notice they would have been in a real mess.

MadamCroquette · 30/12/2015 10:16

Bertie I know you're right about all that, but I'm not talking about full-on violent abuse - in that case you can make sure the abuser doesn't have unsupervised contact. But what if they are just a selfish lazy bastard who can't be arsed with their DC, but will insist on contact just to get back at the ex? Or they are just grumpy and mean, and the DC don't like them, but will have to spend loads of time with them and go on holiday with them etc after a break-up?

What I'm saying is in some cases it won't be a legal matter and the OP would have no case for limiting contact, but the DC would still be miserable. In many cases, they would also see a lot more of the unpleasant parent after a break-up than before.

YeOldeTrout · 30/12/2015 10:17

Teenagers... omg.

"Just make them..." er, how... he's much bigger than me??!!

"Zero tolerance" wow, great role modelling how to compromise and communicate. And just how does that teach them to self-regulate?

"Take all the gadgets away" yeah because that really puts them into a friendly rational mood

"Do whatever it takes to make him revise" Ditto and Ditto

"It's outrageously negligent, even abusive, not to do whatever it takes to make them revise-write thank yous-never say anything grumpy to adults. Might be okay to 'leave them to it' when they are 18-21-25" er, over-invested, maybe!?

(and my very favourite)

"I never have these problems because I'm so wonderful. Bit shit that you didn't get it right 15 years ago, mate."

guajiraguantanamera · 30/12/2015 10:17

Just to point out to a pp, the police did deal with a noise complaint I had very effectively, the noise teams had gone home apparently Hmm so I phoned the police and they knocked on the woman's door and when she refused to answer they bashed it open.
Very effective imo

lostInTheWash · 30/12/2015 10:19

I'm with Pipistrella with just move bridge.

I get the idea reduce an big cost but it can ignore so much.

Most places we have lived the rental range is very small if not a set amount for a set size of property. Living further out were rents might be cheaper can mean a huge increase in other costs obvious one transport which can be more expensive and more frequently needed.

When money is tight threads and oh move - when we rented expected 3K would be needed - deposit 1.5 months rent, first months rent moving costs etc. We've stayed put putting up with crap as rental is great location and we hadn't wanted to spend or sometimes even had the 3 K needed to move.

Same with learnt to drive - it costs money to learn, not everyone can and it costs money to run a car. There are obvious benefits but it takes money.

I read recently that about 25% of colds are caused by flu virus - just doesn't progress to what many people think of as flu. I remember though as it's often these colds that trigger asthma in susceptible people which is what happened to me and one of my DC. Again I get the idea - some people with colds make out they are dying but when you are ill it's annoying to be told you are not.

Olddear · 30/12/2015 10:20

Two words...Lundy Bancroft. His book gets wheeled out for every misdemenour.

Maryz · 30/12/2015 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mintoil · 30/12/2015 10:23

I got 30 mins free legal advice and know several other people who have - it must just be a common thing around these parts!

I also ensured I had all my financial info sorted, copies of everything. It just seemed the sensible thing to do.

I agree re the common law wife thing. The number of women who seem to be blissfully unaware of how exposed they will be in the event of a split is really worrying.

Bogeyface · 30/12/2015 10:23

Ime the MN view of how to live with teenagers is often trotted out by those who are not living with teenagers!

scrumptiouscrumpets · 30/12/2015 10:23

The advice on the weaning board is particularly repetitive: do BLW. It seems to be the answer to absolutely everything. Some posters seem incapable of imagining that some mothers or some babies might not like the idea.

x2boys · 30/12/2015 10:23

The ones where we get to we can't say our child is autistic as it's not the correct t term now even though my child is severely autistic and no amount political correctness will change that but by using that term I, m offending somebody on the Internet who freely admits they don't know anyone with autism.Hmm

Thornrose · 30/12/2015 10:25

I absorbed the advice I'd seen many times on MN, that the police would come and have a word with my violent teen. I called them on the non emergency number.

They arrived ready to arrest her! They don't really do chats.

SausageSmuggler · 30/12/2015 10:26

'Show them this thread'
Yes because DH/DM/Dgoldfish is going to be just thrilled that the OP has shared something potentially personal or sensitive to a load of strangers. Even more so if they disagree with them!

Yy to the pp saying about taking the kids across the garage forecourt to pay for petrol. I don't think I've ever seen this done in rl! I certainly haven't with my 3 under 5, one of whom has form for legging it across car parks. I just make sure I stop somewhere I can see them from the kiosk. Or go to a pay at pump.

EffieIsATrinket · 30/12/2015 10:26

Shock thornrose

Sallyingforth · 30/12/2015 10:26

"Ignore the overstaying penalty in a supermarket car park. They can't enforce it"

That used to be the case, but not any more. If the charge is clearly advertised, you have to pay.

soyvanillalatte · 30/12/2015 10:27

Quite a lot of the diet and weight loss stuff on here qualifies.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 30/12/2015 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thornrose · 30/12/2015 10:30

Just to be clear, she had attacked me but I thought they'd just give her a bit of a warning not to do it again. I'd read it so many times on here.

mollyonthemove · 30/12/2015 10:31

I read something yesterday which irritated me. It was that alcohol doesn't change people, people are vile/violent/abusive/murderers anyway. To a point,yes,but alcohol does really change people. I was a terrible nasty vicious cow, drinking far too much and ruining and my family's lives. Since stopping 2and a half years ago, I can honestly say I have changed completely. Alcohol affects the brain which does alter how you act. Not saying every abusive unpleasant nasty individual will become Pollyanna after becoming sobe but to sweepingly say alcohol doesn't change people is wrong. Feel better now.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 30/12/2015 10:33

Mintoil the problem with the 30 minutes free legal advice isn't that posters don't believe it exists. It's just that people think it's an entitlement and it isn't. The reason you and your friends were able to access it is because solicitors near you use it as a marketing technique, not because you had a right to it. And if it helped you, that's because it was a fairly straightforward issue. Lots of problems that get mentioned on here wouldn't even get the sides touched in half an hour.