Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
DifferentCats · 30/12/2015 09:40

MadamCroquette - A forceful LTB at the wrong time can also leave an OP feeling even less empowered and alone. I hate seeing women who are obviously frightened and miserable be told how easily they could resolve their problems if they were just braver and stronger. As if it is that easy when you are at the mercy of a bully.

And the attacks that come when the OP starts another thread asking for advice about the same issue. Some people act as if they are bored that this particular drama has not developed to the next stage.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 30/12/2015 09:40

Got to get the in even though it's slightly off track. I hate it when you read a thread, let's say the poster has asked about what to do if they think they are being harassed at work. You get dozens and dozens of the exact same response Angry People obviously haven't read the thread. If someone has said what I was about to say then I won't bother saying it again, at the most I'll say 'agree with **' and try to offer something else.

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 30/12/2015 09:40

X-post. The fifty pound note test is "imagine you'd dropped a fifty pound note on your doorstep. If you'd get out of bed to go and get it it's a cold. If you wouldn't then it's flu." It gives a good sense of how bad some types of flu can be in some people but as a diagnostic test it's utter bollocks.

UnGoogleable · 30/12/2015 09:40

How could it kill? There won't be an actual £50 note in your garden

I think she means that it might lead people to believe they can't possibly have Flu because they're able to post on MN, and therefore maybe not take appropriate help when needed.

That one always pisses me off. "When I had flu I couldn't lift a finger, so you cannot possibly have flu if you're posting on MN".

People have different pain thresholds, and different capabilities to cope with illness. I always equate it to how some women in labour can stay at home and function during the early stages, whereas others cannot. But you would never say "Oh when I was in labour I couldn't have gone for a walk so YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BE IN LABOUR"!

See, it doesn't make sense. Neither does the flu one.

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 30/12/2015 09:41

The £50 note test is whether you have flu or a cold. If you could see £50 in your garden if you had flu you'd be too ill to get up and pick it up. It's not medical advice on whether or not to go out!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 30/12/2015 09:41

Poster A Wed 30-Dec-15 09:33:16

I think my husband of 25 years is having an affair. I'm in shock and don't know what to do.

Poster B Wed 30-Dec-15 09:34:00

Clothes in binbags, change the locks.

[dozens of similar posts follow in the next ten minutes]

Poster A Wed 30-Dec-15 09:43:16

The thing is, I'm not sure yet. Also, we run a business together and we have three children under 16.

Poster B Wed 30-Dec-15 09:43:00

I despair, I really do. Why bother posting here if you're not going to pay any attention to any of the advice you get? You'll never change, OP, you'll carry on being a doormat for ever more. Grow a spine!

---------------

I've seen this so many times. Some people seem to treat Relationships threads like an online version of a TV soap. They want instant updates and the OP has to make huge decisions in nanoseconds based on advice from complete strangers who don't really know what's going on and in a good many cases don't really seem to care either.

LineyReborn · 30/12/2015 09:42

Flu test = too ill to be arsed to pick up a £50 note.

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 30/12/2015 09:42

Or indeed chickenpox. My DC was hospitalised with CP so you're talking bollocks when you say that your spotty grumpy child has chickenpox.

SkiptonLass2 · 30/12/2015 09:42

You can actually have mild flu. There are three types, A B and C. Type C can cause much milder symptoms.

BalloonSlayer · 30/12/2015 09:43

Pipistrella I think that what was meant is that some posters' only advice is to co-sleep. You'd think that they just wouldn't bother to post.

eg some of my DCs are awful about eating vegetables. If someone posted asking "how do I get my Dcs to eat veg?" I just wouldn't reply because I have no useful advice to offer on that subject, having failed at it myself. I could reply and say "Oh just give up and give them chicken nuggets and chips" but that's not what they are asking.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/12/2015 09:43

If you're a SAHM you should do nothing but look after the children all day. When your partner comes in after a 12 hour day, he should starte getting the Hoover out, cleaning the bathroom and making the dinner.

The staying at home for 48hrs after D&V only applies to schools, because it's not like everyone else in the community is likely to come down with your big is it?

If you're immunocompromised and are worried about catching a bug, you should stay in not the selfish feckers who go out/ travel when they're ill.

UnGoogleable · 30/12/2015 09:44

I've had flu. It was utterly horrendous, I actually genuinely thought I could die. But I would still have picked up a £50 note lying on the floor Grin

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2015 09:45

The Common Law Wife myth really worries me. The reality is if you aren't married and your name isn't on the deeds of the house then, you are screwed if the relationship goes tits up.

Anything that says bad behaviour is "typical man". No, a typical man is not a totally selfish arse but your DP is.

Jw35 · 30/12/2015 09:46

Listen to the experts and leave baby to cry himself to sleep...it done mine no harm etc etc. it's fucking barbaric sorry!

BertieBotts · 30/12/2015 09:48

I hate the advice "Show him/her this thread!"

Yes because they're immediately going to think, oh, Mumsnet, what a veritable font of sensible information, I definitely see the error of my ways and will immediately change my behaviour." and not ever "WTF, you've been posting about our private situation on a public internet forum, how dare you, and you've made me out to be a right cunt!"

UnGoogleable · 30/12/2015 09:48

Some people seem to treat Relationships threads like an online version of a TV soap. They want instant updates and the OP has to make huge decisions in nanoseconds

Yeah that pisses me off. People getting angry if the OP doesn't follow their advice. And when someone has been through a traumatic time, and is obviously off dealing with it and you get post after post of

"Any update OP?"

FFS, they're not there for your entertainment!

I sometimes post 'I hope it went well' or something similar, to show my support, but they're certainly not obliged to update to satisfy their audience.

Anyway, the ones who play out their drama in real time, with timely daily updates with new bits of juicy information revealed each time are usually trolls. But that's a whole other topic.

Bogeyface · 30/12/2015 09:49

How many chickens do I need to buy to get a spa day then?

x2boys · 30/12/2015 09:50

the assumption that we all live in london or the south and if we dont then its only because we are too stupid to move out of our northern little towns .

BluePancakes · 30/12/2015 09:53

Anything considered bador where the advice has changed and people say "I did XYZ and it did me/my kids no harm" - yes, because those people who died as a result of doing it are no longer here you idiot!

Bogeyface · 30/12/2015 09:54

x2boys or that if you are struggling to find housing in the south you should moved Oop North cos all houses cost tuppeny ha'penny as soon as you pass the Watford Gap Hmm

fusionconfusion · 30/12/2015 09:54

Depression and anxiety regardless of cause or severity are a chemical imbalance in the brain and when you have either, you are not responsible for any of your behaviour.

You can abuse who you like, you can't be expected to seek or engage with treatment and this is all because your brain chemistry (and hence free will) is screwed.

Medication will cure you of your symptoms and these problematic behaviours for life and evidence based treatment is easily and freely available on the NHS for all who need it to treat them to wellness.

Blu · 30/12/2015 09:56

Yes, I hate the haranguing of emotionally abused women.

It is cometely contrary to the advice given by Women's Aid in how to support a friend being abused. And it ignored the fact that the first and most powerful effect of abuse is to destroy or disable the very qualities, faculties and resources that would enable a woman to rescue herself. Self esteem, confidence, friend networks, resilience, etc.

PatriciaJones · 30/12/2015 09:57

Thanks Liney. Why a £50?

BertieBotts · 30/12/2015 09:57

LTB is reasonable advice in more situations than it seems. It's not fair to keep berating a poster to leave, though, and it almost never needs to happen immediately. But it isn't the case that children are more protected from an abuser by the adult victim being present. Unfortunately. If the abuser is seriously violent/has made threats, then SS and CAFCASS should, in theory, protect them with supervised or blocked contact, and 50/50 contact is still uncommon except where parents are amicable enough to sort it out between them. All children with an abusive parent are damaged. There is nothing that you can do to negate it 100%. Providing them a safe abuse-free home for at least 50% of the time is the strongest thing you can do to reduce the effects, though. Proliferating the myth (that most abused women believe) that they have some negating or protective effect against the abuse by being present is dangerous, because it traps women in the relationship for longer. I know it stopped me leaving.

Likewise the sling/co sleeping advice is helpful, I think most people understand that they can put a baby down and leave it to cry but they don't want to. It's useful to have advice on a range of approaches, from "it's okay to leave them to cry, here's a way to do it humanely" to ways to persuade the baby that being put down isn't terrible, to ways that holding the baby constantly can be less cumbersome. None of that advice is wrong but it's unhelpful if it swings strongly to one way and not at all to the other.

honkinghaddock · 30/12/2015 10:01

People with only nt children giving advice on how to parent a child with asd. Especially when they insist it must work with all children because it worked with their tantruming two year old.