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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/12/2015 21:01

it's poor form to derail threads like this

Couldn't agree more.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 21:07

Yes, actually, I do know how long it takes Nicki. Happy not to engage with you any more seeing as you can't/don't bother reading posts properly anyway.

Moving on before I get any more 'derailing' accusations thrown at me.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/12/2015 21:08

I think when it comes to ticking boxes it is a matter of degree.

I could say my DD likes other kids but won't socialise with them that much..oh she's just shy.

She has speech delay.
Oh lots of kids do.

She actually has severe autism.

If there's a combination and the parent had concerns and it is causing issues at school then I think that would be a huge red flag though as nicki says.

LeopardIsTheNewBlack · 30/12/2015 21:11

Again and again I see that when a mum of young kids is looking for advice on how to get her kids to clean up after themselves she's labeled "uptight " and "no fun" and supposedly she's a neat freak who's ruining their childhoods. When a mum complains about teen or young adult kids who won't clean she's told to throw them out. When she complains about DH who won't clean he's abusive and she needs to LTB.
SAHMs mustn't clean under any circumstances as they as there for the kids not to be a lowly housewife. In fact the only people who clean on MN are cleaners who are cheap and plentiful and the solution to all your problems,

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/12/2015 21:11

I think it's such a tricky subject it's very hard to debate online even.

I do think if people who have experience of ASD see red flags in a child's behaviour it should be taken seriously and investigatips considered though.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/12/2015 21:11

Sorry..x posted

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 30/12/2015 21:17

they are narcissistic who knew so many people have this disorder

the advice given here about cutting down or withdrawing from antidepressants the only advice you should give is see your gp

Go NC - this for so many people is so hard and some family dynamics would make it extremely difficult

Logging information especially for DV situations is very often advised

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 21:20

Dipan, why it matters? It would have mattered a lot to us to have someone misdiagnosing our child with with ASD because they thought his behaviour 'stood out a mile as ASD' when he was being bullied

But you assume your child would have been misdiagnosed. Clearly the very strong likelihood is that he wouldn't, and indeed that he wouldn't have got as far as an ASD specialist anyway, not least because, on your account, he wouldn't have displayed language difficulties, sensory problems and difficulties specifically related to changes in routines.

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 21:22

Yes to advice to trust your instincts. The partner of a friend of mine was constantly trusting his instinct that every time she so much as looked at another man she must be having a raging affair with him. Ultimately it had the inevitable effect of driving her away from him, and since she had been so emotionally damaged by him she couldn't contemplate forming further relationships for years - so he couldn't even claim to have been proved right by her going off with another man.

Toughasoldboots · 30/12/2015 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PunkrockerGirl · 30/12/2015 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NickiFury · 30/12/2015 21:31
Grin
Alisvolatpropiis · 30/12/2015 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 30/12/2015 21:32

Also of course when it comes to personal safety (as opposed to "is my DH cheating) a lot of people's instincts are racist, sexist and/or ageist.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/12/2015 21:32
Grin
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/12/2015 21:33

Amazing how it all comes flooding back Alvis

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/12/2015 21:33

Alis even Confused

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/12/2015 21:35

I see now why posters used to make jokes about having spreadsheets of posters to avoid/ignore because they weren't joking and it is necessary

derxa · 30/12/2015 21:43

I imagine if I posted about some of OH's foibles I'd be advised to have him exterminated. Grin Grin
Absolutely

SauvignonBlanche · 30/12/2015 21:58

I see now why posters used to make jokes about having spreadsheets of posters to avoid/ignore

I should make this my New Years resolution.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 30/12/2015 22:00

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Baby on board stickers are pointless and naff.
But originally they were meant to indicate to ES to look around the car not in it as babies could be flung quite some distance from the car if they went through the windscreen. (Less likely with modern carseats). They are now of course completely pointless because people do not remove them. Just saying it wasn't to tell them to look in the car but in nearby ditches etc.

Also thank you to the call handler upthread who said what they do in the event of DV calls. Good to know that they do actually record things and take time.

But yes at times MN can be a bit black and white. Just as well there is no obligation to take the advice and that there are posters like the solicitors upthread who will point out the facts from the opinions. Even if half the thread ignore it it is still worthwhile if the OP sees it.

SauvignonPlonker · 30/12/2015 22:11

Most of the nutritional advice here is absolute shite.

I get really pissed off with some of the childcare threads; there seems to be a cloud-cuckoo land on MN where everyone has flexible working, should get an au-pair etc. Or keep working at a financial loss, when childcare costs more than income. Best of all, to leave your children with random agency staff, who you've never met before, rather than take a day off work.

The nastiest are the SAHM v WOHM threads, where each side attacks the other's choices. Always disappointing when women don't support each other.,

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 30/12/2015 22:18

For me the issue with telling people to "log" issues with the police is it gives people the impression it's up to them what happens to the information they give the police- that a note can be made "just in case". In fact it's not down to you- the police are obliged to investigate a crime they become aware of. Of course, should it be very minor, or you refuse to co-operate, then realistically they might not get far. But you don't get to control what happens when you inform the police of something and many people on here seems to think you can.

BertieBotts · 30/12/2015 22:21

This is supposed to be about incorrect or useless advice, not advice you don't personally disagree with Hmm

Sorry to the person who posted this that I'm replying so late, but:
Bertie I know you're right about all that, but I'm not talking about full-on violent abuse - in that case you can make sure the abuser doesn't have unsupervised contact. But what if they are just a selfish lazy bastard who can't be arsed with their DC, but will insist on contact just to get back at the ex? Or they are just grumpy and mean, and the DC don't like them, but will have to spend loads of time with them and go on holiday with them etc after a break-up?

What I'm saying is in some cases it won't be a legal matter and the OP would have no case for limiting contact, but the DC would still be miserable. In many cases, they would also see a lot more of the unpleasant parent after a break-up than before.

Selfish lazy bastards tend to get bored fairly quickly of contact and make excuses as to why they can't have it. Children over a certain age who don't want to see the NRP can have their views listened to in court. Insisting on contact to get back at the ex is short lived - it works up to a point that the ex shows that they are bothered by it. If you don't show that you're bothered, they get bored. In any case, the other parent making themselves miserable just to make sure that the DC don't spend any unsupervised time with a grumpy but not dangerous man is ridiculous and will do more harm than good because they are LEARNING from you what constitutes a relationship and what constitutes adulthood. If you're amicable and decide to stay together, that's different. If there's animosity or negativity, you can do far more good by splitting those models (negative house vs calm, positive house) than you can by trying to mitigate the effects of the other one.

Micah · 30/12/2015 22:29

But originally they were meant to indicate to ES to look around the car not in it as babies could be flung quite some distance from the car if they went through the windscreen. (Less likely with modern carseats). They are now of course completely pointless because people do not remove them. Just saying it wasn't to tell them to look in the car but in nearby ditches etc.

No, they weren't :). See thread title.

Marketed by a chap who got all pfb when drivers tried to cut him up with gasp, his child in the car.