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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 18:08

I've been reading the thread backwards, so yes these are frequently wrong too.

Pressing charges
Adding your name to the title deeds
Statutory rape (in a UK context)
What the actual legislation is about overcrowded houses

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 18:08

Nicki, your original point was "There's certain traits of ASD that stand out a MILE "

You were asked to provide examples of distinctive traits. While the examples you gave may suggest ASD and many children with ASD (but not all) may have them, they are not distinctive traits of ASD. They do not stand out a mile as being caused by ASD - that was the point I was making.

When you know a child and their situation and you can speak to and work with parents/teachers/carers it's a bit different to putting up a checklist on the Internet and saying if you tick X boxes you should consider ASD.

I just realised that I can tick at least three of your boxes for two other children I know - one with hearing difficulties and the other is just a very shy little girl who has taken a while to settle into school and make friends. So no, not distinctive ASD traits that stand out a mile IMO. Just a list of things that children with ASD may have.

NickiFury · 30/12/2015 18:18

bumbley I've not read your last post because it made me sigh when I saw how long it was and you seem intent on arguing with me and proving I am wrong. I don't believe I am and in posting on this thread only wished to have a discussion not the kind of pointless argument that you manage to create on almost every thread you're on. My new years resolution is be calmer and not engage in pointless head butting with the more annoying and desperate for an argument posters to be found on MN. I am starting here Smile

FarrowAndBallache · 30/12/2015 18:21

Get to A and E now.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2015 18:22

Just about any thread where someone is lonely results in advice which is generally unasked for from people who have plenty of family. Not much empathy forthcoming. Or people are told that their circumstances are their own fault or that they should be grateful to have freedom and peace and quiet.

doitanyways · 30/12/2015 18:24

I just banged my head nodding in agreement with you sooty I bet we are thinking of the same thread! Hmm

NickiFury · 30/12/2015 18:25

Was that the alone for two weeks over Christmas thread? The harshness and lack of sympathy on that thread was remarkable.

doitanyways · 30/12/2015 18:26

That was the one I was thinking of!

zzzzz · 30/12/2015 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickiFury · 30/12/2015 18:28

Anxiety and difficulties with any kind of transition are how my dd with ASD is affected the most zzzz. It's horrendous for her.

doitanyways · 30/12/2015 18:29

Yes, same.

I'd actually say the anxiety is more of a killer than autism.

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 18:31

Nicki did not suggest that individual traits of ASD stand out a mile when encountered on their own, but that combinations do. And she is absolutely right. She was very careful to say that it doesn't amount to a diagnosis, merely that with those traits ASD should be considered as a possibility. Like her, I don't understand why Bumbley is getting so hot under the collar about that. How can it hurt for the possibility at least to be pointed out?

The National Autistic Society sets out here some of the indicators of autism. Are they being irresponsible by doing that?

zzzzz · 30/12/2015 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/12/2015 18:34

One of my pet hates isn't so much poor advice but posters determined to me-rail any thread they post on.
Op asks for moral support and a hand hold and lo and behold along will come someone intent to grind their axe ad infinitum Angry

HoHoHoandaBottleOfRum · 30/12/2015 18:40

I find threads about school hard. You get an anxious worried dm who is just worried about their dc, wanting advice, similar situations, and they thankfully usually get some good advice. But then the dementors come on, all "precious sparkles,little darlings and PFB's" its sickening.

zzzzz · 30/12/2015 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 30/12/2015 18:45

How awful that you still see that poster sugar21 Shock, they should have been banned for that.

I'm very sorry to hear about your 'little blonde hurricane' Flowers. Your advice on meningitis is very sound.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/12/2015 18:45

Yup the dementors

DifferentCats · 30/12/2015 18:50

A Relationships Lite board sounds like a great idea. Sometimes you just want to moan and move on!

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 18:53

Nicki, I'm not trying to 'prove you wrong' - I just disagree that the list you provided is a list of distinctive traits that 'stand out a mile' as ASD. I didn't realise that you only have 'discussions' with people who agree with you (or that someone clarifying what they disagree with means that they're 'desperate for an argument')

Good luck with that resolution :)

Zzzzzz , I didn't say I didn't associate anxiety with it. I said I don't see it as a distinctive trait of ASD. Maybe you weren't referring to my post.

'Hot under the collar' for explaining why I disagree with something? Confused How strange. I'm sitting here sipping wine and couldn't be more relaxed! Wine Cheers!

Floisme · 30/12/2015 18:54

The ones who barge onto threads about kids leaving home with a sermon about 'letting go', even when posters have said they're happy and excited for their kids, just feeling emotional (and thought a parenting website might be a safe space).

Invariably it turns out their own children haven't even started school yet.

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 18:58

Nicki, I'm not trying to 'prove you wrong' - I just disagree that the list you provided is a list of distinctive traits that 'stand out a mile' as ASD.

But what is your basis for disagreeing? Particularly if you put Nicki's list together with mine. My difficulty is not that you are explaining why you disagree with something - it is precisely the fact that you aren't explaining it. And even if you quibble about whether those traits "stand out a mile", what harm does it do to raise the possibility?

zzzzz · 30/12/2015 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickiFury · 30/12/2015 19:03

Thanks Dipandkrisp Smile

To me they do "stand out a mile" but I have extensive experience of children with ASD. I thought I was clear in that I meant for myself and other parents of children with ASD, in fact I am sure I was. I just think some people like an argument and I can't be bothered with it.

NickiFury · 30/12/2015 19:05

Oh and to be clear I didn't use the word "distinctive" in any of my posts. That was another poster.