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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
babybarrister · 30/12/2015 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 14:19

Sugar, I remember that thread and you weren't attention seeking at all. That was a horrie thing for someone to do. I hope you reported it. Thanks

unlucky83 · 30/12/2015 14:22

Someone said it up thread and it is what Horton is saying really - 111 are mostly crap. If I just want some general advice - I would post on MN to ask people who have had similar experiences rather than phone them -so if I do I don't want to be told to dial 111!!!
IME they more or less always said take them to A&E - after god knows how many unnecessary trips (for one the Dr didn't even bother examining DD2 -just sighed) and they once sent an ambulance for me (long story -to do with a long term health issue I have. I was Shock.)
Now they seem to have been told to cut back - so more likely to send you to OOH or get you to wait hours for a doctor to call back...
(eg for a similar thing they sent me the ambulance for, they got me an appt in OOH 6 hrs after I'd phoned, after much faffing it was a complete fuckup (I didn't get seen by the right people) and now there is a massive question mark over whether I really had what they said or not -next time I'm going straight to A&E!)
My classic was DC about 5 banged the back of her head on a door jamb - she had been playing with DP and he accidentally bashed her into it so with some force - then a few hours later she threw up...hmmmm Dr phoned me back after 4 hours - are they drowsy? well yep actually they're asleep it is nearly 11pm...(that involved a nightmare A&E trip just in time to be mixed in with the drunks - would have been better just to go to A&E 4 hrs earlier...)

Enjolrass · 30/12/2015 14:23

Narcissistic personalities are very rare and require complex diagnostic screening to diagnose. But not on MN it would seem!

This ^^

sugar21 · 30/12/2015 14:24

Salmotrutta
I know but she has to live with herself and I presume Karma will bite her on the bum.
I could tell everyone who it was but I won't sink that low

SauvignonBlanche · 30/12/2015 14:28

That's awful sugar21. Shock
Did you tell MNHQ?

CakeFail · 30/12/2015 14:48

I get equally enraged with the 'but that's your mum/ dad / sister / auntie / granny - they love you really and you're lucky to have them' brigade. Sometimes, when you clearly know nothing about an issue, its best not to comment at all

YY^^

BrendaandEddie · 30/12/2015 14:56

CUT AND COLOUR

that drives me nuts
not everyone colours their hair

wrap dresses suit big tits
THEY DONT

BrendaandEddie · 30/12/2015 14:56

oh we arent doing fashion
I will start another thread

KeyserSophie · 30/12/2015 14:58

To be fair, stuff like sleep training are pure opinion, so I don't think you can say anyone's "wrong" for their advice on that. I only get annoyed when people are told to do things that are factually incorrect or inadvisable.

dowager The Calpol thing people telling posters to use it on flights or to get non-ill but (e.g.) jet lagged kids to sleep. Then some other angry people tell those people off and say that social services will come and hang, draw and quarter them for unnecessary Calpol use Grin

NickiFury · 30/12/2015 14:58

There's certain traits of ASD that stand out a MILE and when someone posts describing two or three of them in their child, that sets off little alarm bells in parents of children with ASD.

Someone posted describing her dd and how terrible her behaviour was, how she and her child were being ostracised at school by teachers, children and parents. The description of her behaviours was totally indicative of ASD and I said so. I got utterly roasted by other posters (obviously like the ones on here who hate it being suggested). The OP came back and said it had been suggested elsewhere too so I PM'd her with details of the process and services in her area and how to get the diagnostic process going. A few months later she PM'd me to tell me her dd had been diagnosed and was receiving significant support at school now and how well she was doing.

If I think ASD, I will say it. There's a HUGE difference between "naughty" and ASD and just a few key words can show it.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 30/12/2015 14:59

My experience of 111 was when Ds was 8 months old and had a nasty cough. It was a Sunday and we weren't sure whether he needed out of hours doctor or if we'd be better to just stay in and keep warm. (It was January.)

We first called at about lunchtime and they finally called back at 6pm. They sent an ambulance. Sirens blaring and everything. Neighbours out to see what was happening. Ambulance quickly established that Ds was not about to drop dead any second but because he was under 1 they couldn't discharge so he and I had to go to hospital. At which point we had to wait ages coz he wasn't anything like an emergency. Finally got out at about 6am after a particularly traumatic time as a well known, erratic, violent patient turned up and the staff were worried that a baby and him wouldn't be a good mix so they locked us in a side room (with my agreement!) and we sat there for 3 hours listening to shouting, screaming, things being thrown, smashing and eventually a large number of police arriving.

Had we just gone to out of hours we probably would have had about a 2 hour wait - maybe arriving at 1pm and home by 3pm.

Fourormore · 30/12/2015 15:02

Narcissistic personalities are not rare - narcissistic personality disorder is. Think of it like a tier system - many people have narcissistic traits (I'd argue it's essential to have some!), some people have a narcissistic personality style and few people have a full blown personality disorder.

PrincessMouse · 30/12/2015 15:21

Sugar21 that's outrageous. How can anyone thinks it's acceptable or right to do that? I am genuinely shocked.

Flowers For your DC

MadamCroquette · 30/12/2015 15:21

Yes I'd say my mum is "narcissistic" in that she has a lot of the typical behaviours - whether a psychologist would give her a full NPD diagnosis is a different question, but it's certainly been helpful to me to see how she matches up to a certain set of behaviours that are well-known. When people say "narc" I know what they mean. OK it might be a bit over-used but people saying it doesn't mean they are necessarily diagnosing - but that they are naming the behaviour.

Lottapianos · 30/12/2015 15:39

'Yes I'd say my mum is "narcissistic" in that she has a lot of the typical behaviours - whether a psychologist would give her a full NPD diagnosis is a different question, but it's certainly been helpful to me to see how she matches up to a certain set of behaviours that are well-known'

Same here Madam, with both of my parents. Discovering, with the help of my therapist, that they both have narcissistic traits has been a huge part of my healing from their emotional abuse and has helped me to stop blaming myself for being a bad daughter. I'm very well aware that it's not an official clinical diagnosis (I'm a clinician myself, although not in the field of mental health) but knowing that other people have family members wit similar traits has helped me to feel much less alone with it all.

expatinscotland · 30/12/2015 15:52

If you find yourself in a relationship with a complete and total fuckwit, it's because he/she is depressed or has autism.

Watchatalltimes · 30/12/2015 15:55

Sugar, that's really shocking. How could anyone stoop that low? Hope you reported her. Flowers for you and your DC.

mintoil · 30/12/2015 15:56

sugar that is awful Flowers

I had a similar experience with a well known poster, who appears to have gone or changed their name. They accused me of "playing the cancer card" when I mentioned how sick a beloved relative was during chemo.

There are some sick bastards about - don't let it worry you.

sugar21 · 30/12/2015 16:03

Yes it was reported I actually feel sorry for the person who sent it, she is seriously disturbed.
I hope she never has to watch her child being carried into church in a pink casket I really do.

Same as that bloody hack a while back likening stages of dc growing up to bereavement. Along with other Mners I could cheerfully have garroted her.
What's the point though because unless you've actually experienced something yourself you don't know what it feels like and also cannot advise.

YeOldeTrout · 30/12/2015 16:06

There's certain traits of ASD that stand out a MILE ...

ok, I'll bite, give 5 examples of the distinctive traits.

tbh, with all the trouble we've had with DS, MN posters often said "oh it must be SN" which nearly drove me insane. It was so incredibly liberating when I accepted that DS is a true No-reason-for-it PITA person rather than needing to find an explanation.

doitanyways · 30/12/2015 16:10

In my case, not liking being touched, not only by humans but by fabric, hence I now know why he wears things ten sizes too big and looks like a tramp.
Stimming and in his case he zones out completely
Mimicking, realise now he is not taking the piss
Anxiety
No sense of humour Hmm

KERALA1 · 30/12/2015 16:22

That entitlement to free legal advice advice grinds my gears. Often it's the smaller high street firms that are asked for this.

Wonder what the response would be if I popped into white company and told them I was entitled to a free dress? Think I know...

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 16:27

I wouldn't have said anxiety and no sense of humour are particular ASD traits.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 16:28

As in traits that would immediately suggest ASD.