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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
hefzi · 30/12/2015 12:55

Dipan I might have to adopt that phrase!

AnotherTimeMaybe · 30/12/2015 12:55

ghost naaaaaaaaahhhhhhh they are probably ironing his shirts every morning!

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 12:56

PlaysWell, unless they are a victim of societal pressure/have had a bad upbringing apparently! I've seen that come up a few times over the last few weeks - excusing criminal behaviour because 'they must have had a hard life'.

MorrisZapp · 30/12/2015 13:02

I had a tricky time with DP just after Christmas. My sister and SIL gave brilliant support, advice and perspective. All is fine now.

Had I written it down here it would have been a simple ltb. I've said before, we need a 'relationships lite' board, for general pissing and whingeing.

MorrisZapp · 30/12/2015 13:03

And yyy to insisting rape victims report it. No thanks.

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 13:04

Castro, you're absolutely right about migraines - and sometimes you just don't have a choice about carrying on. I had a phase when I had horrendous two-day migraines on average once a fortnight, and there were times when I had no choice but to go in to work - I did the essential stuff in between running to the loo to throw up and left as soon as I could, but I managed. It was also regularly the case that I had no choice but to stagger out to collect the DC from school.

By the way, my strategy when I didn't have to go to work was to go to bed but to have the radio or a talking book on so that I wasn't just lying there thinking about the pain.

I tell you, the menopause is wonderful, all that is behind me now.Smile

MissHooliesCardigan · 30/12/2015 13:05

YY to LTB. As a PP said, it completely goes against Women's Aid advice. I have seen some amazing threads in Relationships where the OP is supported over months or even years to recognise that she is being abused and eventually to leave but this has never been brought about by the OP being harangued to leave NOW!! and telling her that she obviously doesn't love her children.

Bonkers food advice:
OP: 'My child completely refuses to eat anything except Hula Hoops and Coco Pops. I have tried to hold out, thinking that he'll give in eventually but he didn't eat for 2 weeks.'
Cue loads of advice to offer child porridge/blueberries/avocado/quinoa/boiled eggs etc.

Also, if you mention that your DH smokes 2 joints a year, he's a drug addict who needs rehab despite you pointing out that he's a High Court judge and amazing husband and father.

Lottapianos · 30/12/2015 13:06

'NC is not a joke and can be a life altering thing to decide.'

Huge hugs magpie. Very well said. You're absolutely right - some posters on here tell people to drop family members like a hot brick for the slightest of issues. I'm very low contact with my family and like you, it took me years to make the decision, as well as an ocean of tears, intense pain, weekly psychotherapy, medication and overcoming urges to harm myself. 'Traumatic' is exactly the right word to use and for me, its ongoing.

I get equally enraged with the 'but that's your mum/ dad / sister / auntie / granny - they love you really and you're lucky to have them' brigade. Sometimes, when you clearly know nothing about an issue, its best not to comment at all.

HortonWho · 30/12/2015 13:12

The don't give your child paracetamol and ibuprofen together line gives me the rage. I believed it, and around 2am when our one year old's fever wouldn't come down and the NHS line was useless and just told us if we are worried, to go to a&e, the panicked first time parents that we were - we did just that. After waiting for 2 hours with a crying/sleeping baby in my dead tired arms, the dr administered ibuprofen+paracetamol. Fever broke in 30 minutes.

Birdsgottafly · 30/12/2015 13:13

Police do log incidents and what bothers me more than a poster who tells someone to "get it logged" are the ones that tell a OP that there's nothing they can do about something, especially when the OP is new in the UK.

You'd be surprised what can come up on official systems about your family and address (I was a CP SW and worked closely with the Police).

The suggestion that "do they think the Police have a notebook by the phone?" Is dangerous. When you are connected, not 999 but the local number, the number that you are calling from is automatically logged and then you're asked your name etc, that generates a possible need for a log and it's just a matter of typing a couple of lines under your name/address.

If you have a neighbour dispute/report anti social behaviour the first thing that the Housing ask is "are you having the incidents logged".

If you are treated as though you shouldn't want an incident logged, for DA, Harrassment, Anti social/threatening behaviour, then it is your local Police Force that is at fault (which does happen, even in the case of DV/Child Abuse cases).

LTB gets on my nerves, as does the OPs whole relationship being condemned on one incident.

People are very perfect on here and by their standards no-one I know would be in a relationship.

Life on here is far removed from the Northern WC that I encounter everyday.

Or perhaps there is just a large amount of posters who fail to see that there are many realities and norms.

Totally agree that the "lets send as much money as we can abroad, you should take in a homeless person etc" poster, are totally shit when faced with a 'working poor' poster and the attacks on them are disgusting.

Learningtoletgo · 30/12/2015 13:15

Narcissistic or 'narc' Angry

Usually trotted out as I'm married to/my ex/MIL/SIL is a 'narc'

When did everyone suddenly get qualified as a psychiatrist and become professionally competent to be able to make that sort of diagnosis! I bloody hate the use of this term to dismiss someone else's point of view and justify the posters feelings as being much more important.

Narcissistic personalities are very rare and require complex diagnostic screening to diagnose. But not on MN it would seem!

Potatoface2 · 30/12/2015 13:20

anothertimemaybe..that is so true, you cant have a rant about your dh when hes obviously having a bad day, making you have a bad day without the ltb comments...but sometimes its him that should be leaving me because im in a shit mood!

MooseTrap · 30/12/2015 13:22

There are plenty of exceptions but generally I dislike all the advice for posters to deal with their problems by being sneaky, or being passive aggressive, or by being aggressive aggressive Confused or by lying. Often being honest and straightforward is the best thing to do especially if you can keep calm and polite.

For example someone is repeatedly cadging lifts and the OP wants petrol money. Cue loads of inventive complicated advice apart from telling the OP to simply politely ask for some petrol money.

SauvignonBlanche · 30/12/2015 13:25

People with only nt children giving advice on how to parent a child with asd. Especially when they insist it must work with all children because it worked with their tantruming two year old

God yes! People comparing perfectly normal toddler tantrums to a large child or teenager with ASD in full meltdown drives me crazy. Angry

Go NC for any trivial family slight. Hmm

"You can't have alcohol with antibiotics" - no, you can't have alcohol with some antibiotics. I even had one cheeky bitch tell me I'm a nurse and I know this is is right when I tried to explain it to her. Even after a lot of cutting and pasting I'm sure she still thought she was right. Hmm

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 13:29

Horton, I don't think you read my post properly if you've interpreted it as 'don't give your child paracetamol and ibuprofen together'. I quoted from the NICE guidelines which say:

"only consider alternating these agents if the distress persists or recurs before the next dose is due."

This is not the same as suggesting it as a matter of course any time a child has a fever which is what I was complaining about.

HortonWho · 30/12/2015 13:33

Bumble, I didn't say you did. Just said when I read that on the Internet, it gives me the rage as I believed it. I even asked the a&e dr why the NHS help like didn't suggest that and not waste a&e resources.... They basically can't say anything as they'd be liable and of course not there to examine the patient.

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2015 13:37

The advice that enrages and/or makes me stifle snorts of laughter is Show them this thread - it's already been mentioned.

So yeah, let's see, someone is on here complaining about being on bad terms with their DH/sister/mum etc. but showing them a thread where they are being moaned about is totally going to make them receptive to posters comments! Hmm

And I also agree about the trotted out "Go out for the day and leave all the kids with him" when a posters DH has been out on a binge - utterly stupid advice to leave kids with a hungover wreck.

And, Nobody is allowed to have faults on here - they all get picked over and the one fault/foible that a poster is describing in their OH becomes a sign of "a toxic/pathetic/selfish/twattish/controlling" person despite the poster saying that 99% of the time the relationship is great.

That one fault makes the person unworthy and the poster should run for the hills.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 30/12/2015 13:40

Life in mumsnet world is very black and white no room for nuance or shades of grey

slightlyglitterpaned · 30/12/2015 13:44

Any employment advice from "managers" who feel that the law is somehow optional if their "common sense" tells them that it's okay to discriminate against an employee or potential employee. Well no, the laws were drafted and passed because of people like you.

VoyageOfDad · 30/12/2015 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longtimelurker101 · 30/12/2015 13:58

All state schools either either shit-holes or "leafy", private schools are definately better and attract more intelligent children.

The "my son should not have to take a full GCSE RE" thread is another, full of crap like "just remove him then they will have to let him take music" no they won't if its not timetabled at the same time. In fact most threads complaining about secondary schools, with the odd exception, offer rubbish advice and are about complaints that boil down to spoiled children stamping their feet cause things didn't go their way.

Oh also people who are far too involved in children's friendships, handing out advice to parents of y8/9 girls like: " Just get her to make friends with nicer girls." without realising that almost ALL y8/9 girls have some friendship issues at some point its part of being 13/14.

sugar21 · 30/12/2015 13:59

People that rant over trivia, armchair psychologists, people giving silly advice without realising we are not all on a high salary.

I will never forget the day I was posting on a thread about the meningitis vaccination, urging people to get their babies the jab as my dd2 died from that illness. Someone who I won't name sent me a PM telling me I was attention seeking.

I was in tears due to that nasty woman when I was only trying to help others. I'm being polite but when I see her on any threads I think you bitch.
Beats me how people can be so bloody awful.

Jambonandjerusalem · 30/12/2015 14:07

The one that riles me is people trilling about how if you tell X, then your motor insurance is 'invalid' and won't pay out in the event of an accident.

This is utter tosh - I worked in motor insurance for many years and saw hundreds of cases where a policyholder lied about points on licence, for example. If we got wind of it, we'd just charge them the difference in premium between what they had been paying and what they should gave been paying and still settle the whole claim.

I saw a handful of cases in which the policyholder had not disclosed a material fact of such significance that, had we known about it, we wouldn't have insured in the first place. In those circumstances, we would generally pay out the third party element of the claim, but not for the damage to the policyholder's vehicle.

For the insurance company to repudiate the whole claim (I.e. Proceed as if the insurance contract didn't exist) is a massive, huge big deal and would have to go to very senior management to decide on a case by case basis. I've only ever seen it happen once in very extreme circumstances in which the policyholder had been very seriously fraudulent.

I see it on here particularly in the case of post c-section women driving...posters insist it 'invalidates your insurance' when the reality is, even if you were driving the day after and had an accident, the normal rules of legal causation would still apply, I.e there must be an unbroken chain of causation linking the c-section scar to the damage.

It really makes me wonder why people bother to offer 'advice' on here when they must realise they haven't a clue what they're talking about...

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2015 14:09

sugar21 - that's bloody awful that someone PMd you to say that Sad

That takes a really nasty person to do something like that.

Trills · 30/12/2015 14:11

The thing that winds me up the most is when posters say "well I've never known that to happen" - suggesting that anyone who has had a particular experience is lying.

The whole POINT of MN is that you encounter people with different experiences to you.