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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
Potatoface2 · 30/12/2015 12:09

bumbleymummy, yes it is the child you should be looking at, but its a bit different in a young child who cannot talk and express what is wrong (ie earache)..there was a poster with a young child the other day who was very worried, the comments were 111, ooh doctor, calpol etc she had already seen a doctor and he was worse, i said go to a and e now, other people said she didnt need a and e (how they know without looking at child or having any medical knowledge is beyond me)...poor child has been in hospital with meningitis all over christmas (hope hes okay now) with young children you can never 'just wait' as they can become very ill, very quickly

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2015 12:09

x post with Beyond

Potatoface2 · 30/12/2015 12:10

NICE guidelines are exactly that GUIDELINES....not everyone who is ill sticks to guidelines

Oldprof · 30/12/2015 12:12

And here's another vote against the advice to -
-Go to all the Open Days and ask all the searching questions that your DC could really honestly not give a stuff about
-Send DC to Univ equipped with the contents of John Lewis kitchenware dept.
-And a fancy dress costume you picked for them.
-Text them every 45 minutes so 'you stay in touch'
-Believe everything DC tells you about university personal and academic life and how badly they're being treated
-Then complain to the 'tutor' (who is this person? The one who sees them once a fortnight for the Origami 101 tutorial with 43 other students if they can be arsed to turn up?)
-Assume the regulations at Dopey College Oxbridge in 1983 when you did History of Etiquette will apply to Borsetshire New Univ in 2016
and so on.
Stop it, please.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 12:14

Potato, I'm not sure how any of your post disagrees with what I've said. If a young child was ill and the parent thought they were getting worse then I would also be saying to take them back to the doctor/to OoH/A&E.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 12:15

You're right potato, people often don't stick to the guidelines. That's why people come on to MN and suggest alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen when the child has a bit of a fever but is otherwise fine.

whois · 30/12/2015 12:17

Send DC to Univ equipped with the contents of John Lewis kitchenware dept

The pans my mum gave me when I went to uni are stil my main pan set!

tilder · 30/12/2015 12:23

'My child faecal impaction and the dosage of prescription drugs isn't working '

'Have you tried prunes or apple juice?'

doitanyways · 30/12/2015 12:29

I must admit, what I have discovered about autism on Mumsnet is second to none and it has kept my sanity caring for a relative.

It is the contradiction between the left-leaning politics on here and the way people who are actually claiming benefits or on a very low income are treated that makes me Shock

So a thread will start - 'AIBU to think benefits are too generous' and everyone piles on and the OP is flamed.

Then another thread - 'AIBU to think we can't afford Christmas' and the OP is flamed for being badly organised, the date of Christmas doesn't change, get a job, get a second job, move house, learn to drive, get a nanny, become a childminder ...

Le sigh.

Lancelottie · 30/12/2015 12:30

tutors are simply not going to discuss it all with parents...

Actually, it came as a bit of a shock to me that various university tutors have been contacting us rather a lot, but DS is struggling (and has given them permission).

DifferentCats · 30/12/2015 12:31

One of the unseen issues with LTB is that people won't bother asking for advice about trivial issues in relationships, even though they would benefit from sympathy and support, because they know it will end up in a barrage of poorly called LTBs.

I can think of a snapshot from every relationship I've ever been in that would be judged to be an LTB moment. That includes things I've done!

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 12:35

The comments on universities remind me of the education lawyer I met once who told me that a high proportion of the inquiries she got from students related to complaints that essentially came down to "breach of niceness".

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2015 12:36

bumbley
That is why I emphasised the "soooo clever" bit i.e. people who are a bit delusional about their child.

Its the same people who use their child learning three words in Spanish from Dora the Explorer as evidence of their genius whilst ignoring the fact that a significant % of the world's population are at least bilingual from a young age.

ghostspirit · 30/12/2015 12:36

whats does LTB mean?

Castrovalva · 30/12/2015 12:38

'If you are posting on mn / doing anything other than lying in a darkened room you can't possibly have a migraine.'

Actually, yes I do have a migraine, proper severe, neurologist diagnosed ones.

Everyone experiences migraine differently, and each time I have one it is different from the last. For me I generally need to distract myself from the pain so I carry on with life as much as possible. I find lying in bed the worst thing as I have nothing but the pain to think about.

I worry that lots of suffers with perfectly treatable migraines will be put off seeing the GP about them.

Though to be fair I get this in real life too. Usually some dick at work twittering that I can't really have one because I'm not off sick. My migraine lasts 4 days and I get at least 2-3 a month. I have no other income except from my job. I have to battle through or else we'd be out on the street.

BeyondJinglebells · 30/12/2015 12:40

Castro, i watched a muse concert with a migraine, i believe you :)

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 12:40

Fair enough Chaz. I may be a bit touchy about that. Sorry! :)

usernamesandgingerbreads · 30/12/2015 12:41

LTB - Leave the bastard

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2015 12:41

No problem Smile

JeanneDeMontbaston · 30/12/2015 12:42

lancelottie, that's the other way around ... that's the point.

It's not that tutors want to be arseholes for the sake of it. It's that if you contact them worried sick about DD/DS and asking them to tell you where s/he is and how s/he is doing, they really can't tell you DD/DS is in the bar nightly/has dropped out and is now working in the chippy/whatever.

doitanyways · 30/12/2015 12:44

Also LTB.

Amnesty reckon the psychological effects of abuse, including emotional abuse, is akin to torture.

Surely to god no one would lay into a woman who had been tortured - yet they do.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 30/12/2015 12:45

OP that's why although I'd love I have a rant about dh I never do it here, can't stand the LTB advice!

Toughasoldboots · 30/12/2015 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostspirit · 30/12/2015 12:48

ah yes i think people are to fast to say LTB before trying for soultions. i wonder if the person/people giving that advice would really do that them self

PlaysWellWithOthers · 30/12/2015 12:54

"It's a crime, you MUST report it, think how you'll feel if he goes on to rape someone/attacks his next partner/sexually assaults someone else"

The reasoning seeming to be that if you don't report a rape/assault/some other crime, that you in some way become responsible for that criminal's future actions.

Fuck. Right. Off.

The guilt and shame women who are attacked often feel is just compounded by those insensitive and frankly wanky comments, no matter how well meant they are.

It gets repeated a lot, but obviously doesn't sink in properly, so I'll repeat it..... The only person who is to blame for a criminal's actions is the criminal.

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