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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
TheBestChocolateIsFree · 30/12/2015 11:29

The problem is that a lot of the advices are potentially valid but there's not enough information on the thread at the start to know if they're feasible for the OP. "Get a nanny" is almost certainly the best solution for someone with triplets who works funny hours in a career with good progression prospects - even if they don't initially fancy it because of qualms about recruitment/being an employer/abuse/nanny getting sick. It's not the best solution for someone who works fruit picking or chicken plucking - they'd be better off staying home.

Kitla · 30/12/2015 11:34

There are soo many...

Don't like the school / need a term time holiday? Well, it's obvious - home educate. Yes, because we're all stay at home mums who do nothing all day...

If you're going out on a brief trip, then don't leave the children at home, you might have a car crash. Okay, well if that crash is minor and you're slightly delayed, then you can just phone your child to say you're delayed, no problem. But if it's a major accident and you're hurt / can't phone / car is written off then you've just put a child who would have been safe at home in the middle of a major car crash. That advice makes no sense whatsoever. If I had another car crash, then I know where I'd want my child to be - as far away from it as possible!!

People who let their children play out in the streets / at the park is just lazy parenting... Actually, it's blinking hard work making sure your child is safe when playing alone with friends. If all their friends play out, you can't just tag along and watch when they play in the park... What happens when they all go back to Cs house, and then on to Ds? But no, your child can get exactly the same experience with you there Hmm.

Anyone whose husband is an arse is automatically emotionally abusive. Sometimes that's true, but sometimes I see very little evidence for it, other than he's an arse!

And if you moan about your husband being lazy and a pita, you're either told to ltb, or to stop moaning because X poster is single and they have it so much worse. They have to do it all themselves, so stop moaning that your DH is not pulling his weight and so it yourself. But there are always people worse off than you, doesn't mean we can't have a moan sometimes Smile.

MooseTrap · 30/12/2015 11:34

i dont like it when 'advice' is given to suicidal posters other than sympathy and suggestions as to where to get proper help. For example, Telling someone who is suicidal that they 'should think of their kids' might be exactly the wrong thing to say. They have, I suspect, already 'thought' of their kids. Sad

I also dislike a lot of the aspergers/autism type diagnoses that goes on. 'OMG, he sounds exactly like my son so he must have XY and Z' type of thing. Again sympathy and practical help as to what to do if you are worried is ok but diagnosing based on a thread is irresponsible.

abbsismyhero · 30/12/2015 11:36

im totally on the fence with the SS one because i DID get a bad one and she HAS made my life hell and it was my EXs fault not mine her reasoning was she thought i might go back to him Hmm so why not be more supportive then? why attack me and seem to back him? and she DID back him to the point of her colleagues going Confused yes she has gone now but she has left me the mess to clean up she has given me verbal guidelines not told my ex the same won't commit to putting them in writing and gone on holiday im stuck following her verbal guidelines because if i dont i will have them back in my life i have a two year old the other day i found myself working out when he turned 18 so i knew when he would be "safe" how terrible to wish your child's life away like that

although this wont be everyones experience it is mine Sad

honkinghaddock · 30/12/2015 11:41

I don't think posters with children with asd say another child must have asd. I've only seen it suggested as a possibility.

wannaBe · 30/12/2015 11:44

"You're entitled to live in the house until the dc are eighteen," err no, you're not.

scarlets · 30/12/2015 11:45

"It's illegal to leave a child aged under 14 home alone". Nonsense.

The proliferation of ASD, ADHD and "emotional abuse".

Women being unkind to/dismissive of PiLs for minor reasons. I see this in real life too. It's rarely seen in men and their PiLs.

People who barely passed biology GCSE "researching" vaccinations etc. Muppets.

Kitla · 30/12/2015 11:45

Oh yes, mrsjayy!

Can't afford a holiday - well then camp. What about the fact that I don't own a tent, sleeping bags, air beds or roll up mats, or anything to cook from... Let alone a car big enough to carry all this stuff (on top of your children and their clothes..). I even saw someone once suggest that you could take everything on the bus. Quite how you'd take two children, four days worth of clothes for four people, all bedding, tents, cooking equipment and food on a bus is quite beyond me!

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 11:45

Sorry to hear that abbs but even if you get a bad social worker, there are policies and legislation to prevent them snatching your child and you never seeing it again.

OP posts:
Thornrose · 30/12/2015 11:48

I find parents of children with ASD try very hard not to "diagnose" others. Maybe gently point out the similarities.

In my experience on MN it's the people who don't have the first idea who mis diagnose.

Potatoface2 · 30/12/2015 11:48

the alternating paracetomol and ibuprofen for a temp is okay....if it resolves the temp....but if it doesnt you need to see a doctor, a temp over 38' can be a warning sign of something serious, especially if not resolved by an initial dose of paracetomol...be over cautious in young children who cant tell you whats wrong imo

Thornrose · 30/12/2015 11:49

The proliferation of ASD, ADHD and "emotional abuse". meaning?

TheFairyCaravan · 30/12/2015 11:50

Comprehensive schools are bad. The teachers are crap, the kids are poorly disciplined and the bright kids will fail because they are always being bullied and dodging flying chairs!

It is the biggest load of nonsense spouted in the education section and usually by people who have no experience of comprehensives. They, also, fail to notice and acknowledge that the vast majority of teens in this country, even the very bright ones, are educated at comprehensives and do very well.

Maryz · 30/12/2015 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoctorDoctor · 30/12/2015 11:55

Jeanne yes, totally agree on the 'take charge of various aspects of your DC's life at university' advice. Just not how it works at all. They're adults and tutors are simply not going to discuss it all with parents - in many cases they are not allowed to even if they wanted to!

The advice given on university applications, and the absolute necessity of getting your DC into a respectable subject at a Russell Group university Hmm also irritates me. People often merrily hold forth on exactly how it works on the basis that they did a similar-ish subject at a different university twenty years ago. That does of course make you an expert on the university system and nothing will have changed since then Hmm

BeyondJinglebells · 30/12/2015 11:55

I quite like people pointing out asd/rare health things. It was only thanks to mn putting all my 'clues' together that i have the diagnoses i now have. But then i research things thoroughly, i dont latch on to any diagnosis i can, which a lot of self-diagnosers do

motherinferior · 30/12/2015 11:55

Oh yes to the comps.

Also the blanket declarations that 'they need you more as they get older'. I fully accept that some teenagers might: but really, no.

(I say this as someone on the train into London escaping the sloths with whom I am personally afflicted.)

And 'all teenage girls are horrid'. Lots are rather delightful.

BeyondJinglebells · 30/12/2015 11:57

Thorn, i think scarlet means the assumption that anyone who is a twat is asd/adhd/"emotionally abusive". Though i think people are misunderstanding "emotionally abusive" when they put it in quotes like that

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 11:58

Potato, I quoted from the NICE guidelines above. The temperature doesn't actually need to be resolved unless it's causing the child distress. People get very hung up on numbers on the thermometer and trying to keep them under a certain level but really, it's the child you should be looking at. If they're happily playing, eating and drinking then a temperature over 38 isn't bothering them that much and you don't need to start alternating medicine.

Thornrose · 30/12/2015 11:59

Hope so Beyond. The quotes made me wonder tbh!

BackInTheRealWorld · 30/12/2015 11:59

Has anyone mentioned "show them this thread" yet? That always makes me snort.

Potatoface2 · 30/12/2015 12:02

i dont think LTB is advice to be honest, especially when someone is obviously distressed

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/12/2015 12:03

Thornrose
I suspect they are refering to the willingness to "pathologize" or "label" run of the mill bad behaviour as something more significant. The positive version being "the only reason PFB misbehaves in class is because they are sooooo clever they are bored".

Jibberjabberjooo · 30/12/2015 12:04

Have to agree with Bumbly it does say paracetamol etc shouldn't be given purely for a temperature. And obviously you should always look at other symptoms rather than just the temperature on it's own.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 12:05

Chazs, some children do misbehave because they are bored. When they start being given work at their level the behaviour settles down. I realise that this doesn't apply to every child who is misbehaving but I know a few and it seems very unfair to suggest that it's just an excuse for bad behaviour.