Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Home cooking. Or lack of. Post Christmas meal.

229 replies

MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 10:52

If you have people round for a big meal, would you expect to do some actual cooking i.e. bake or roast something, do veg prep etc etc?

I didn't see my family over Christmas, but went to see relatives for a 'big' meal yesterday. I brought prosecco and a large chunk of the Xmas cake I made.

The host couple provided a lot of Waitrose-type things. A pate for starters, and a quiche for main course. Cream doughnuts and carrot cake slices for desert.

There had been plenty of effort when it came to shopping, table-setting etc I realised that I had been harbouring an expectation that some actual cooking would have taken place.

(Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?)

Also no exchange of gifts - other than my bringing bottlle plus cake - as the couple don't 'do' presents.

When the host couple had last come to me it was more of a just passing through visit, but I'd done a home-made soup (from stock I'd done myself) and home-made desserts.

However, I enjoy cooking. Not everyone does.

OP posts:
MagpieCursedTea · 29/12/2015 10:55

YABU maybe they wanted to spend time with their guests rather than being in the kitchen the whole time? It sounds like they provided good food and made a big effort to make their house look nice. It's a little bit ungrateful to complain that they didn't make everything from scratch.

Moonriver1 · 29/12/2015 10:56

Jesus Christ.

They fed you food - starters, main, pudding.

It wasn't Christmas Day or even Boxing Day.

I fucking hate cooking and always buy posh ready made stuff unless my husband cooks.

If I thought people were wringing their hands over me not cooking from scratch and posting about it on Mumsnet I'd laugh, then scrub them out my contacts book.

Postitblue · 29/12/2015 10:56

You aren't BU if this was any other time of the year however maybe they were just 'done' with cooking after Xmas? If it's a buffet style / picky bits meal it would be nice to know in advance To set expectations. Your cake sounds yummy!

Solina · 29/12/2015 10:56

Not everyone likes cooking or is good at it. I love to cook but I know plenty of people who dont. So yabu.

Eminado · 29/12/2015 10:58

Yabu. And judgey.

TheSpottedZebra · 29/12/2015 10:58

Nope, YABU. It's your value judgement, that seems quite unfair.

I like cooking too, and I'd normally cook. But I can also imagine times when I'd be too busy, other things would be going on, or I'd just be knackered, and I'd buy in. That doesn't mean that I care about the guests any the less.

And if I didn't love cooking, it'd be a massive chore, and I'd do it less.

theycallmemellojello · 29/12/2015 10:58

Yabu. They were evidently labouring under the misapprehension that you wanted to see them and eat something. Do them a favour and don't go round again if their hospitality isn't good for you.

glueandstick · 29/12/2015 11:01

I'd be glad of pre-prepared food when the hosts are terrible cooks.
Much easier. (Not saying that yours are terrible cooks!)

HPsauciness · 29/12/2015 11:03

Wow, I hate cooking, but usually make a good effort to buy nice meat, salad and bread, sometimes I cook, sometimes I don't, I had no idea this wasn't good enough for my friends!

Honestly, the threads this am make me want to despair. Money not good enough, bought food not good enough, gift too small and thoughtless, nothing is good enough for some people.

Your hosts like you, want to see you, and hosted you- what's to dislike, unless you are being really petty? If you love making home-made soup, great, that's your choice of how you spend your time, theirs is to buy lovely expensive food and treat you all that way!

GloriaHotcakes · 29/12/2015 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

villainousbroodmare · 29/12/2015 11:10

YABU.
I like to cook but lots of people don't/ can't/ haven't time.
If someone has made things from scratch, I do notice and appreciate the effort but it sounds as if you were very well fed as it was.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 29/12/2015 11:11

Argh this gets on my nerves. It's just laziness. Just because it's Xmas doesn't mean you need to stuff your face with shit food. Every time we go to PILs it's always 'party food' and ready meals (not just Xmas). FIL just about managed to boil some parsnips last night Confused to go with the ready meal. I haven't had a fruit or veg (other than the parsnip) for 2 days, the duration of our stay. I wouldn't even serve 'party food' for a party, it's always rank and strange.
Loads of meals take no effort. Chop a salad and bake some potatoes. Make a bolognese. Really can't muck it up! Last year PILs 'hosted' Xmas but didn't cook a thing, it was up to the guests to cook. So weird. And I feel so unwell without fruit and veg!

wowfudge · 29/12/2015 11:12

Having done a shed load of cooking over Christmas, which I do enjoy and I think is usually better than shop bought, the thought of cooking for another group of people at this stage would tip me over the edge as I want a break too. We had friends call round yesterday and we all had beans on toast for lunch. It wasn't a planned lunch, btw but they have kids and it worked for everyone.

Cooking doesn't equal love. That is VU.

Finola1step · 29/12/2015 11:16

What they provided sounds good to me.

I have some friends who will cook a 3 course meal from scratch. Some will order in a take away. I'm happy to go with the flow.

I would be really upset though if my hosts spent ages cooking a meal for me that they didn't really want to do just because they thought it was what I would expect.

Cooking does not equal generosity/ love for many people. Spending time with your guests will be seen as more important.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/12/2015 11:18

As long as I felt full afterwards, no problem. Xmas Smile

BendydickCuminsnatch · 29/12/2015 11:18

Sorry that ^^ was a total U rant Grin my nerves are shot post PIL visit, my only excuse.

Original poster
MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 11:19

Oh I quite enjoyed it Bendydick!

OP posts:
ValancyJane · 29/12/2015 11:20

YABU! Sounds like a lovely meal, maybe they wanted to spend time with you rather than slaving in the kitchen? Often when we have friends over we just order takeaway, not because we don't love them, but we want to actually spend time together and enjoy ourselves...

Parker231 · 29/12/2015 11:20

At this time of year other than doing the full works on Christmas Day and New Years Day, it's buffet food from M&S for guests the other days. I want to spend minimum time in the kitchen or clearing up !

UnGoogleable · 29/12/2015 11:22

I think showing love at Christmas is about being in people's company, rather than having them slave over a stove all day for you.

But each to their own and all that.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2015 11:23

Let's hope your friends aren't on MN OP.

Or I suspect they will no longer be your friends.

I assume you went to see them and spend time with them?

Not sit silently judging their shop bought food?

I don't like cooking much so I cut corners all the time.

But luckily my friends don't seem to judge me for doing that Hmm

Bakeoffcake · 29/12/2015 11:24

We and people round yesterday And we didn't "cook" a meal. I just couldn't be arsed after all the Christmas cooking.

We shoved a load of Camembert(NOT homemade) into the oven and had it with crusty bread (NOT homemade) and lots of tomatoes (NOT homegrown) and pickles (NOT homemade)

You sound very hard work OP.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2015 11:25

Sorry - just saw it was relatives not friends but it doesn't really matter.

usual · 29/12/2015 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2015 11:27

You sound like my sort of person BakeOffGrin

Mind you I do have a jar of artisanal pickles in my cupboard.