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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Home cooking. Or lack of. Post Christmas meal.

229 replies

MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 10:52

If you have people round for a big meal, would you expect to do some actual cooking i.e. bake or roast something, do veg prep etc etc?

I didn't see my family over Christmas, but went to see relatives for a 'big' meal yesterday. I brought prosecco and a large chunk of the Xmas cake I made.

The host couple provided a lot of Waitrose-type things. A pate for starters, and a quiche for main course. Cream doughnuts and carrot cake slices for desert.

There had been plenty of effort when it came to shopping, table-setting etc I realised that I had been harbouring an expectation that some actual cooking would have taken place.

(Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?)

Also no exchange of gifts - other than my bringing bottlle plus cake - as the couple don't 'do' presents.

When the host couple had last come to me it was more of a just passing through visit, but I'd done a home-made soup (from stock I'd done myself) and home-made desserts.

However, I enjoy cooking. Not everyone does.

OP posts:

Original poster

MarianneSolong · 30/12/2015 15:19

If my relative sought medical help for their problems, I'd be glad they were taking positive steps.

As at various points I've lived - and successfully cooked for - people with anaphylaxis and inability to deal with wheat, I don't think I can be portrayed as much of a poisoner. Also one of the good things about being very interested in cooking, is that you can embrace the whole idea of vegan dishes, gluten-free cakes, whatever.

Unfortunately Eat Nothing Relative is basically a Dementor who sucks the joy out of any meal. The other people I know with diagnosed dietary restrictions have accepted the limitations involved with forbearance and grace, and are excellent company at meals.

OP posts:

WiryElevator · 30/12/2015 19:18

Sod the rest of it, YABVU using the phrase "dished up" [retch]

Original poster

MarianneSolong · 30/12/2015 19:45

I've come to the conclusion that if I have 'issues', then many other people have much severer ones. I don't get my kicks out of being rude to strangers. Sadly, however, a lot of you do.

OP posts:

Badders123 · 30/12/2015 19:54

Love aibu!
Op: aibu?
Everyone; yes!
Op; no I'm not and you're all mean.
:)

Salmotrutta · 30/12/2015 23:30

The other people I know with diagnosed dietary restrictions have accepted the limitations involved with forbearance and grace, and are excellent company at meals - you don't think that sounds just a wee bit patronising OP?

BitOutOfPractice · 31/12/2015 00:34

No you seem to get your kicks from being rude about relatives in the internet!

NickiFury · 31/12/2015 00:42

I was in M&S a few years ago perusing the Christmas buffet food. The braying couple in front were making a selection. The woman picked up some vol au vents only to be told sharply to "get the filo tartlets, they'll give us more credibility!" . Honest to god true story and it popped up on my timeshare on FB to remind me a few days ago.

They'd never have got past you would they OP? May as well just gone to Iceland for a bag of thirty frozen sausage rolls.

KoalaDownUnder · 31/12/2015 01:05

So many of these threads in the past month.

It's depressing. No wonder people host less and less, and people stay hidden away at home for fear of not being 'good enough'. What happened to being grateful that someone provides food and company?!

Sansoora · 31/12/2015 01:43

After all, since soup is basically just random stuff from the bottom of the fridge lobbed in a pan and simmered for a bit (when it comes down to it) is that really any less thoughtful than someone making a special trip to the shops to carefully select items they think you'll enjoy?

Yes, thats one way of making a soup but there really is a whole lot more to it if you like trying out different things.

Sansoora · 31/12/2015 02:26

Marianne, I bet you're a really nice woman who doesn't deserve the kicking she's getting here.

I would put money on people loving coming to yours for a meal because its made from scratch and I suspect there's loads of MN's reading/ agreeing with you but wont post as such because this thread is on AIBU.

I get where you're coming from and like you if Im having guests I would only ever cook from scratch but you're going to have to let this one go because not everyone can do that, for lots of different reasons, and its ok.

It doesn't mean you ever have to go back though but that would be daft so just accept from now how it will probably be food wise and have a great time with your loved ones.

Re the gifts. You took a very nice gift but there should have been no expectation of your family/hosts reciprocating, not even out of politeness as hosts, or it being Christmas an all. But that said - Ive yet to come across a person 'who doesn't do gifts' hand one back to someone. Its a kind of one way street.

christinarossetti · 31/12/2015 02:36

But OP didn't take a gift. She took a contribution to the meal.

So I don't get the complaint about no exchange of gifts, as OP didn't give a gift either.

Sansoora · 31/12/2015 02:57

But OP didn't take a gift. She took a contribution to the meal.

I think thats a gift, it a gesture.

echt · 31/12/2015 03:32

Haven't RT wholeFT, but any post-Christmas hospitality for us is always a mix of the bought and the made.

This Boxing Day for visitors:

Bought: salmon and ham, as were dips and chips.
Made: Christmas pudding, salad, potato salad and sangria.

I can see where the OP is coming from; to me there's a bit of the works do about all-bought.

Having said that, DH loves .

BitOutOfPractice · 31/12/2015 03:59

I don't get the bit about gifts either. Op made a contribution to the meal. The hosts provided the rest of the meal. If I take flowers round to s friend who is cooking me dinner I don't wait expectantly for a gift back!

Moonriver1 · 31/12/2015 08:05

Well I don't think Op sounds like a nice RL person who's been misunderstood and unfairly treated on aibu.

I think she's probably just as superior, small minded, patronising, intolerant and judgemental as she's shown herself to be on this thread.

The gift thing is just unbelievable! It's Op who is rude not the friends by expecting a gift without actually bringing a gift herself!

I hope she's recognised by her post and these people can breathe a sigh of relief and strike her off their contacts. Who needs people turning their nose up at you when you thought you were just inviting friends round for a get together and being kind enough to host?

Floppityflop · 31/12/2015 08:12

In my experience people who say it's lazy to use prepared food are lazy f at work and have cleaners. If you like cooking as a hobby, fine. Most people don't and most people aren't good cooks. Give me M&S or Waitrose any day, untouched by human hands!

echt · 31/12/2015 08:16

It's Op who is rude not the friends by expecting a gift without actually bringing a gift herself!

Nowhere did the OP say she expected a gift. In her OP she said there was no exchange of gifts, which I took to mean this had been made clear by her hosts but she was, inwardly, surprised.

PhoenixReisling · 31/12/2015 08:30

marianne you sound very entitled!

You were invited to lunch/dinner and then proceeded to moan bitch about the fact that everything that you ate bar your half eaten Christmas cake was shop bought and pre-made........

OP, I like to cook and would make dishes from scratch.....however, the difference would be that if I was invited to someone's home over the festive period I would not care what I was fed!

YAMDBU!

BoboChic · 31/12/2015 08:37

I don't mind if food isn't all home cooked but I hate food that has been prepared in factories when I go round to other people's homes. Just... On.

Ragwort · 31/12/2015 08:41

I used to love cooking and would spend hours cooking meals for guests from scratch was even in a poncey magazine article comparing my style to people who bought everything in - now I realise that it doesn't really matter, some bought in shop stuff is actually much nicer than I could make and the time and effort cooking from scratch doesn't always equal the difference in taste and is often no cheaper.

This Christmas I bought in nearly everything and apart from some disgusting bread sauce from Lidl it was all lovely and saved me loads of angst in the kitchen. My guests all enjoyed the meal and took home the leftovers so they can't have hated it that much. .

Higge · 31/12/2015 08:46

Give me M&S or Waitrose any day, untouched by human hands! factory workers make this food - are they not human?

BitOutOfPractice · 31/12/2015 09:16

It's just a phrase higge to imply it's been made in factory conditions, not that factory workers are t human! Calm down

Higge · 31/12/2015 09:21

And people think factories are clean? Anyone I know that worked in a factory had grim stories to tell - still what you don't know won't kill you

BitOutOfPractice · 31/12/2015 09:59

Where did anyone even say they thought that?

Higge · 31/12/2015 10:09

Isn't that the implication?

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