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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Home cooking. Or lack of. Post Christmas meal.

229 replies

MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 10:52

If you have people round for a big meal, would you expect to do some actual cooking i.e. bake or roast something, do veg prep etc etc?

I didn't see my family over Christmas, but went to see relatives for a 'big' meal yesterday. I brought prosecco and a large chunk of the Xmas cake I made.

The host couple provided a lot of Waitrose-type things. A pate for starters, and a quiche for main course. Cream doughnuts and carrot cake slices for desert.

There had been plenty of effort when it came to shopping, table-setting etc I realised that I had been harbouring an expectation that some actual cooking would have taken place.

(Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?)

Also no exchange of gifts - other than my bringing bottlle plus cake - as the couple don't 'do' presents.

When the host couple had last come to me it was more of a just passing through visit, but I'd done a home-made soup (from stock I'd done myself) and home-made desserts.

However, I enjoy cooking. Not everyone does.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 29/12/2015 12:32

Good point well made MrsUltra

BipBippadotta · 29/12/2015 12:34

I never have anyone but v v close friends over for dinner for fear of precisely this sort of judgement. I don't mind cooking, but I'm not terribly good at it and am a bit bored by it; I know (/am related to) so many committed foodies for whom elaborate meals are their main way of expressing how they feel about people (so that you can be sure a ready-made quiche is a deliberate and considered snub from them) that I don't ever dare feed them for fear of inadvertently causing offense. Then they get offended that I don't have them over. You can't win!

HappyIdiot · 29/12/2015 12:35

i love cooking, if we are having people over I generally do everything from scratch.
however, I also live in the real world. I've hosted 2 dinners in the week before Christmas, I work in retail so its a really busy time, I've got a toddler. I managed to do the main courses myself, but no way did I have the time or inclination to do starters/puddings as well.
so I bought those and saved myself a whole load of time and effort. it doesn't mean I love my guests half as much just because I only cooked half the food.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 29/12/2015 12:36

(Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?)

No, I think the extension of warmth, good humour and compassion (which also acts to reign in judgy-ness and superficial expectations) is a better measure of generosity and love.

whois · 29/12/2015 12:38

Yup totally U. As long as there was enough food and it was tasty I don't care if you hand made the bread and stock and pastry or if you popped to M&S and bough everything ready made.

I love seeing friends, I love eating, I don't find that 'made from scratch' equates directly to love. The thought that goes into thinking of the menu and what I might like, and buying it and hosting me - is to me as great as the love shown by making some soup or whatever.

PearSoup · 29/12/2015 12:39

"No exchange of gifts" Why would you? It's not Christmas Day. You turned up with adequate gifts for the hosts but they don't have to give you anything in return. What do you want? A party bag?

Jibberjabberjooo · 29/12/2015 12:40

I cook when people come round as I enjoy cooking but not everyone does, I'm not sure why that's so hard to understand.

AnUtterIdiot · 29/12/2015 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sansoora · 29/12/2015 12:44

I would have been a bit pissed off because I very rarely eat ready made meals so I wouldn't have eaten much if anything of what was served up and I hate being hungry. But that said I'd assume there was a good reason no one had cooked on the day and I'd not think much more about it apart from what I was looking forward to eat when I got home.

gobbynorthernbird · 29/12/2015 12:45

I have ready made stuff in for after Xmas as, unless I bought another fridge/moved to a house with a bigger kitchen/have a wine cellar built, I just don't have space to store extra fresh ingredients between the pre-Xmas shop and the pre-New year one.

Jibberjabberjooo · 29/12/2015 12:47

Years ago I went round a friends house for dinner and she'd made a pasta bake, can you imagine, OP?

Grin
SatsukiKusakabe · 29/12/2015 12:52

I hate people being uptight, not relaxed and everyone on edge during a visit, so if they feel most comfortable keeping things easy food wise then fine, couldn't imagine turning my nose up at whatever I am offered round someone's house. That is more up generous and unloving than buying a quiche.

I had a lot of ready meals growing up, I was not unloved, but my mother didn't know what she was doing in the kitchen beyond the basics (though she is a lovely, non fancy baker, and always made a delicious Christmas cake)

I taught myself to cook as soon as I left home, and I like cooking for people now, but I would never leave a place mulling over the food I was offered, it was not the way I was brought up, and is the least important aspect, unless it was inedible.

riverboat1 · 29/12/2015 12:53

This reminds me of a brilliant thread about dinner parties that was probably from a couple of years ago. I remember one poster saying it was rude to invite people to dinner then serve something like lasagna, shepherds pie, or spag bol UNLESS you specified that the invite was for a 'kitchen supper' in which case it was fine. I have never forgotten it.

UnGoogleable · 29/12/2015 12:56

The big question is, did they offer you Pom Bears?

girlguide123 · 29/12/2015 12:56

riverboat - seriously? wow.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/12/2015 12:57

we have had two incidents reported of people not being fed for hours and hours.

one waited like 10 hours fir a "home cooked" Xmas meal.

sure she'd have been thrilled to have had quiche and pate if it meant being fed

SevenOfNineTrue · 29/12/2015 12:58

YABU IMO. It is a busy and stressful time of year for a lot of people. As long as the food tastes good, I don't care if Waitrose or Tesco made it or the host.

Badders123 · 29/12/2015 13:03

I am doing a buffet for my mums 70th on Saturday.
I don't enjoy cooking. After 30 odd years of it I find it a chore tbh.
I am doing like jacket potatoes, rice, and party food like indian snacks and salad based stuff.
Mini pizzas, sausage rolls, pasta salad etc
I have even bought the cake - which I am going to decorate myself.
AND I have ordered a mint vienetta! :)

Badders123 · 29/12/2015 13:04

Oh! And quiche. Two of the fuckers.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/12/2015 13:06

Badders what time would you like me to arrive? I'll bring half a slice of cake and a bottle of asti spumante with me

expatinscotland · 29/12/2015 13:09

Hey! No one disses on prosecco! It's definitely fizz and it will definitely get you there fast, it's 11%!

But yeah, a chunk of cake. Gag. Oh, here's some leftover cake.

Jibberjabberjooo · 29/12/2015 13:09

Bloody love a vienetta.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2015 13:12

I've got half a Viennetta in my freezer.

maybe not for much longer

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 29/12/2015 13:13

You turned up expecting to be fed and they provided you with nice food in what seems to have been an adequate amount.

YABVU and a bit of a twat.

Badders123 · 29/12/2015 13:15

Bit...anytime! Food will be ready about 4.30! :)
God, YES to prosecco! :) I have Buck's Fizz, prosecco, Guinness (?), and j20 :)