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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Home cooking. Or lack of. Post Christmas meal.

229 replies

MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 10:52

If you have people round for a big meal, would you expect to do some actual cooking i.e. bake or roast something, do veg prep etc etc?

I didn't see my family over Christmas, but went to see relatives for a 'big' meal yesterday. I brought prosecco and a large chunk of the Xmas cake I made.

The host couple provided a lot of Waitrose-type things. A pate for starters, and a quiche for main course. Cream doughnuts and carrot cake slices for desert.

There had been plenty of effort when it came to shopping, table-setting etc I realised that I had been harbouring an expectation that some actual cooking would have taken place.

(Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?)

Also no exchange of gifts - other than my bringing bottlle plus cake - as the couple don't 'do' presents.

When the host couple had last come to me it was more of a just passing through visit, but I'd done a home-made soup (from stock I'd done myself) and home-made desserts.

However, I enjoy cooking. Not everyone does.

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 29/12/2015 11:27

Bendy as you know your PIL don't cook why don't you offer to cook next time you visit? Or take some bags of salad/veg/cheeses/baked potatoes? instead of moaning

MamaLazarou · 29/12/2015 11:28

YABU. I have friends who hate cooking. If they invite us over for dinner, we usually just get a take away.

I love to cook and would always make a meal from scratch for guests but wouldn't expect others to do the same. It's just nice to see them.

Some people enjoy cooking, some don't, c'est la vie.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2015 11:28

usual - perhaps we should all be making our own stock instead of sitting here on MN?

Bakeoffcake · 29/12/2015 11:28

Oh Salmotrutta you're just showing off now with your artisan pickles Xmas Grin

ChippyMinton · 29/12/2015 11:28

YABU

I'm happy to cook, but will do something simple with a mix of home-made and bought stuff. I've got a 3rd lot of guests coming tomorrow and will be repeating the meal I offered on Boxing Day as it was easy and good.

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2015 11:30

(Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?)

No.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/12/2015 11:30

you were fed weren't you.

sounds like a nice light meal after all the food we eat iver Xmas. nothing wrong with it at all. and perhaps they wanted to spend the time with you rather than cooking.

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2015 11:30

They were very expensive Bakeoff

dandelionhouse · 29/12/2015 11:31

Marianne, I've seen a few threads of yours about food.

Do you think there might be a wee issue there?

Jibberjabberjooo · 29/12/2015 11:31

So glad you told us your soup was made from home made stock. Aren't you clever.

Alicewasinwonderland · 29/12/2015 11:32

YABU so very U!!!! Shock

Some people hate cooking, some people think it's nicer to serve you good food from Waitrose than poorly cooked home-made stuff.

Why should your host even cook? They are not a restaurant, they are just nice people inviting you to have a good time.

They invite you for diner, food was served, I can't comprehend how someone can manage to complain about that? Confused

FurryDogMother · 29/12/2015 11:32

I love cooking (it's a hobby), but am currently totally cooked out after doing Christmas and Boxing Day. If I'd had people round yesterday I may well have gone for the bought-in option. Surely all that matters is that the food was good and you enjoyed it, rather than the hosts' cooking efforts?

Salmotrutta · 29/12/2015 11:33

Mind you, home made stock is just boiling up your chicken carcass innit?

Not that clever really.

UnGoogleable · 29/12/2015 11:34

BakeOff you mean you don't make your own Camembert? Tut, tut you clearly don't love your friends enough Wink

usual · 29/12/2015 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thelaundryfairy · 29/12/2015 11:34

I think your expectations were a little off, but it seems that you´ve realised that.

I know many people, myself included, love to cook, but at Christmas time in some situations it makes more sense to do as your friends did, as it leaves the hosts free to socialise with their guests, means less worry about any problems with cooking or timing (e.g. guests delayed), and is also more relaxing at a time of year when everyone is feeling really tired.

Please don´t think that your friends don´t love you. In fact, they love you enough to want to spend the whole of their party chatting to you instead of stuck in the kitchen.

SaucyJack · 29/12/2015 11:35

Had the same at a buffet at a relative's yesterday. And it wasn't even Waitrose food- some of it was only Tesco Finest.

It was all I could do not to walk straight back out again in disgust, quite frankly.

Flowers for you dahling xxx

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2015 11:36

Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?

No.

WhispersOfWickedness · 29/12/2015 11:37

We haven't had a cooked meal since Christmas Day, I bloody love this time of year, I hate cooking Grin

guineapig1 · 29/12/2015 11:37

Sorry but yabu! Presumably you went to see them for bring them not for their catering (in which case you should have booked a restaurant or invited them to yours if you were happy to cook).

Whilst some people love cooking for friends and family others don't. They may hate cooking/not be confident cooks for guests/or be bloody knackered after the last couple of days and fancied something that wouldn't chain them to the kitchen for hours on end.

If you have guests over it is perfectly acceptable to whip up a three course storm or order a take-out or anything in between. As long as there is enough food for everyone and it is edible that's fine!!

Original poster
MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 11:38

Families are complicated things. Undoubtedly food was served, and as I've said the hosts went to some trouble to buy good things and set them out. They were chatty and pleasant and ageeable yes it was a chance to catch up with that side of the family and their news.

It was a question about whether other people on Mumsnet like to prepare/eat home cooked food and regard it as something they do/or which is done for loved ones.

Thanks for your answers!

OP posts:
usual · 29/12/2015 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bakeoffcake · 29/12/2015 11:39

Ungoogle. I told them as I put the food on the table that as they aren't our best friends I couldn't be arsed to churn my own cheese.

They took it very well.

FindoGask · 29/12/2015 11:40

"However, I enjoy cooking. Not everyone does."

Bingo!

I have a good friend who doesn't cook at all. When we go round for dinner it's M&S all the way. I used to be a bit baffled by it when I first got to know her; but I've come to realise that not everyone equates the amount of effort put into preparing a meal with the affection you have for that person - and likewise, some people really hate cooking, especially for other people. I wouldn't want anyone having a miserable time because I was coming to their house.

Twinklestein · 29/12/2015 11:40

I don't think you can project your own expectations onto other people, you'll know for next time.

That said quiche and donughts is a crap meal. They could have bought something decent from Waitrose.