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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Home cooking. Or lack of. Post Christmas meal.

229 replies

MarianneSolong · 29/12/2015 10:52

If you have people round for a big meal, would you expect to do some actual cooking i.e. bake or roast something, do veg prep etc etc?

I didn't see my family over Christmas, but went to see relatives for a 'big' meal yesterday. I brought prosecco and a large chunk of the Xmas cake I made.

The host couple provided a lot of Waitrose-type things. A pate for starters, and a quiche for main course. Cream doughnuts and carrot cake slices for desert.

There had been plenty of effort when it came to shopping, table-setting etc I realised that I had been harbouring an expectation that some actual cooking would have taken place.

(Cooking equals generosity/love? Do other people think along these lines?)

Also no exchange of gifts - other than my bringing bottlle plus cake - as the couple don't 'do' presents.

When the host couple had last come to me it was more of a just passing through visit, but I'd done a home-made soup (from stock I'd done myself) and home-made desserts.

However, I enjoy cooking. Not everyone does.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 29/12/2015 11:41

You have issues. YABU.

I've had some homemade food that tasted worse than any ready meal I've ever had.

I mean, WTF?

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2015 11:42

I enjoy cooking but not at this time of year.

Most people just want a break from it all, even when they have company.

usual · 29/12/2015 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

villainousbroodmare · 29/12/2015 11:44

In the last fortnight, I had these two experiences:

I went to an extremely elaborate dinner party where everything was made from scratch, and ambitiously so. The host and hostess were barely speaking to each other, and spent much of the evening in the kitchen while we sat awkwardly in the dining room contemplating the stunning table decorations. At one point we heard the hostess weeping in the kitchen.

I popped in to the house of someone I only know through work. Her four children were in the kitchen, each eating a sausage on a fork - obviously a "fend 'em off" snack while dinner was being cooked. I was offered one too, and gladly accepted. The lady was a bit Blush but I was delighted.

It's not about the homemadeness.

ovenchips · 29/12/2015 11:48

YABU. You went round for a visit and food. They provided food.

People get really hurt being judged about how they provide hospitality to people they invite into their home, so I hope they were not aware you were marking them down.

UnGoogleable · 29/12/2015 11:50

I also hope that the bought in dessert was an iceland baileys one

Better still a Vienetta, I find that really shows the love.

Villain god that first dinner party sounds awful. Some people put themselves under so much pressure.

Fieryfighter · 29/12/2015 11:53

I've had some truly disgusting meals at a friends house but I'm always grateful no matter what I've had to force down. Would kill for a bit of shop bought quiche sometimes!

YABU, it's about spending time with friends/relatives.

WiryElevator · 29/12/2015 11:53

How awful to be so judgemental. I love cooking and pride myself on it. This Xmas I catered a party for 75, Xmas Day, Boxing Day and am also doing 1st and 2nd Jan. I will be preparing a ton of stuff from scratch because I enjoy it and also love the plaudits it gains me. [shallow] I'd never, however, use it as stick to beat other people with, or bore with how I make my own stock. (Which, incidentally, I don't usually as I have found better alternatives, would rather chef my time elsewhere where it counts)

I never expect it from others. I don't see it as a show of love, at all. If someone does cook from scratch I make a big effort to notice and comment how good it is, as I assume they'd like a bit of credit for it as I do. I have some foody friends that love cooking, and I have some fabulous friends that hate it. One foody friend brought 80 homemade epic canapes to my party, which were very well received. The one that hates cooking bought a tub of Heroes and the kids thought they'd gone to heaven. I was grateful to both equally.

usual · 29/12/2015 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rogueantimatter · 29/12/2015 11:57

Haven't read the full thread but I always cook something from scratch when I have people round and if I'm having people for coffee I bake. But I quite like cooking and baking and am quite into avoiding processed food (on the whole).

IMO there's nothing nicer than home-cooked meals and baking but I'm probably quite old fashioned.

Also my guests are probably appalled by all the mess and clutter they have to sit amongst, but I'd rather cook than clean!

Why do posters always assume you're being judgy when you're asking their opinion? That's the opposite of being judgy.

HeadDreamer · 29/12/2015 12:00

WTF. I love cooking. But I am glad if the host provide drinks and food, wherever they come from. Does it matter? Do you enjoy their company?

29redshoes · 29/12/2015 12:05

I'm a terrible cook. On the other hand, I really enjoy cleaning and my house is always spotless when friends come round. Most of them have cleaners. I don't judge them for this, and I hope they don't judge me when I offer them a shop-bought quiche rather than subjecting them to my awful cooking! It's never occurred to me that they might think I care less about them because I don't bother with home cooked food Xmas Confused

UptobedNOW · 29/12/2015 12:08

Bloody hell, I've got 15 over for tomorrow from my side of the family for our Christmas get together, I've bought ready done parsnips from M & S, never thought I would be judged as not showing enough love for my family because I haven't lovingly prepped them myself Xmas Hmm

GloriaHotcakes · 29/12/2015 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/12/2015 12:16

Gloria your family all hate you. HTH Wink

OP I think you have ishoos around food to be honest if you equate cooking with love quite s closely.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/12/2015 12:17

UptoBedNOW suspect this might be the last time you ever see your family again. Sorry Sad

expatinscotland · 29/12/2015 12:17

Totally doomed. FFS. Who the fuck cares if it's 'homemade'? Some homemade stuff is utter rot.

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2015 12:20

Better still a Vienetta, I find that really shows the love.

There is a group of us that gets together a few times a year.

We always have Vienetta.

Xmas Grin
HackerFucker22 · 29/12/2015 12:23

If you come to my house anytime between Xmas Eve and New Years Day you'll be fed choccies, nibbles and party food.

I do cook for the kids and we'll have a few proper meals (spag bol and chilli - both homemade but both from freezer) but I tend to have a few days off of cooking. I still do things like jacket spuds and omelettes but no actual cooking!! Even the 11mo is having microwave veg from M&S but still

ninared · 29/12/2015 12:26

I think you are being very very unreasonable

I am all for homemade meals and I would never ever invite someone for dinner and not cool from scratch but I enjoy cooking and not everyone does - it's all about the thought that goes into it.

It's about the loveliness of being invited into someone's home and being 'entertained ' which it sounds like they had gone to a huge effort to do for you - thought out courses of pate and quiche etc just that it wasn't actually made in the home shouldn't matter a jot if it was all delivered well

My husband's mother on the other hand is someone who invites you over for Christmas dinner with your three young children and other family members and 'forgets' to go shopping for food so she goes to the local petrol station shop for supplies on Christmss day morning and is desperately trying to defrost a turkey as you arrive. You have Skips crisps, out of date ham for 'starters' followed by a course of frozen peas and aunt Bessies potatoes because the turkey is still frozen

and you are there for 8 hours with your kids getting crankier while you wait for her to defrost the turkey and get some damn food in the oven while she's playing parlour genes and pretending all is ok - that is bring unreasonable, providing thoughtfully shopped for food and hosting you a nice meal is not unreasonable

I would be so sad if I had invited you into my home and you looked down in what from what you described is a good effort :(

insan1tyscartching · 29/12/2015 12:26

YABU I have done all the cooking here and I am sick and tired of cooking now and contemplating a takeaway today. I actually enjoy cooking mostly but all the extras have tested me and I am no longer enjoying cooking. They fed you three courses,they weren't under any obligation to home cook the food.

MrsUltra · 29/12/2015 12:28

You took one bottle of 'prosecco' - not even real fizz, and the left-overs of part (not all of) a cake?
And you're complaining about their lack of love?

Surely this is a wind-up.

UnGoogleable · 29/12/2015 12:30

I've never had an Arctic Roll - I feel unloved

Perniciousness · 29/12/2015 12:31

Hmm Ohh, lovely to see a bit of competitive 'who can be the most outraged and write the bitchiest response' going on. Gloria is winning so far. Wink Hmm

Anyway OP you are being very unreasonable and judgey. I would hate to think that someone was worrying about serving me proper home cooked food when I visited. I think people should do what they want to do and what they feel comfortable doing. My mum always stresses out when she hosts despite us repeatedly telling her we don't mind. It's silly.

Also, after xmas lots of people really don't want big meals. Quiche sounds perfect to me.

girlguide123 · 29/12/2015 12:32

sorry, but YAB totally U. and seem to have your judgey pants on.

buffet from waitrose? yes please. home cooked food - yes please? does it really matter??

was (at least some) of the food tasty. had they bothered to get the place ready/cleaned the loo? if so you were made welcome. no everyone has the time/inclination/ability to cook.

blimey.