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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think they should have had lunch

153 replies

Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 19:36

Drove a 5 hour round trip today to collect DSDs.

Collected them at 2pm, we were a little late as the traffic was horrendous.

Turns out they hadn't had lunch. OH texted her to say how come they haven't eaten, she said most parents provide snacks for the car (I do provide a meal first and then a packed lunch for the journey when they leave from here), we pointed out we won't be home till at least 5 as I am driving and not unable to cook at the same time so dinner will not be at 5 as we arrive home!!

AIBU to think she should feed them lunch before they leave?

OP posts:

Costacoffeeplease · 27/12/2015 23:41

Directing anger at him every single day sounds exhausting - does it change anything?

RedSoloCup · 27/12/2015 23:45

I wouldn't send my kids anywhere even close to lunch without lunch, even when I was meeting DH at MIL to go to Sains on 23rd and I was leaving kids with her I took their lunch with me (I was dropping them at 11am), yes she would have fed them probably if we weren't back in time but they are my kids and I will not take any risks in them being hungry so I would rather provide something.

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 23:50

He may be banned but he isn't lazy.

Not sure why on MN there is an expectation to LTB because he's been banned.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 23:54

If isn't lazy, why would it fall down to you to sort dinner after 5 hours of driving and why do you sort packed lunches for his kids to take on the journey?

Or is he just adverse to feeding his kids?

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 23:55

...and him being banned is NOT a reflection on me.

It is however my problem because I am the only person in this relationship right now who can drive.

OP posts:

notapizzaeater · 28/12/2015 00:00

I'd be angry too, but I always have snacks with me to stop needing to go to the services en route.

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 28/12/2015 00:00

Because he has been in the military for 25 yrs and is not used to thinking ahead about meals. He has lived in a room on his own for 25 yrs and comes home on weekends.

He is not good at whipping up meals, he did offer tonight but ended up getter no us a takeaway.

I am prob a bit of a control freak about feeding everyone having issues prob from childhood and we have 6 kids so I normally slow cook but we drove back from a family Xmas yday and we have no food in - he wanted to come with me because he felt that was supporting me and we don't get to spend a massive amount of time together re the forces lifestyle.

I just wanted her to give them a sandwich.

They said they were hungry witting 5 mins of collecting them and we never spoil them with treats on journeys so they weren't trying it on.

OP posts:

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes · 28/12/2015 00:05

Why can't your DH at least have dinner waiting when you get back? Or was he with you, that wasn't clear.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2015 00:06

Oh behave yourself and stop making excuses for a grown man!

I just wanted her to give them a sandwich.

Perhaps she's 'not very good at whipping them up'?

It's the school holidays, kids often eat breakfast much later and people tend to have all manner of snack foods hanging about the house.

Perhaps this and the fact you were late, was the reason the kids weren't fed lunch.

The car journey was only 2.5 hours. So they said they were hungry and had to wait?

Big deal. If your DP was that bothered about his kid's 'empty' stomachs he would have packed them some food.

Get over it.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes · 28/12/2015 00:06

Sorry, cross posted.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes · 28/12/2015 00:08

And I agree that the least the DCs mother could have done was offer sandwiches etc for the journey.

Theblamegame · 28/12/2015 00:08

Surely most people would have some sort of food in for lunch that they could give their DCs if they were hungry?

Toast, sandwiches, cereal, fruit etc.

Wouldn't you just forget about it they were 'late being picked up', and give them something to eat if they were hungry?

AnthonyPandy · 28/12/2015 00:10

He sounds a bit 'helpless' - whether that's to do with being in the forces and having everything done for him, I'm not sure. But he can learn beans on toast etc surely?

LyndaNotLinda · 28/12/2015 00:15

So basically your expectations of the DSDs' mum are fairly high but you have zero of their dad.

He's banned from driving and can't even get food ready? He sounds like a total waste of space. And who moved - him or their mum?

If your kids live 2.5 hours' drive away, it's pretty dim to get banned.

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 28/12/2015 00:17

He's not helpless he's just shit in the kitchen he's eaten out of the mess since he was 16 and has no kitchen. His mother is a terrible cook - am not excusing him but would also not offer beans on toast as a meal for my 18 yr old when he comes in from a days work.

Maybe I am overly troubled by feeding people. I was hungry a lot as a kid and I hate to think about children feeling hungry.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2015 00:23

am not excusing him

Errr yes you are.

He's fathered children. Feeding them is like a minimal basic survival technique.

No you're not overly troubled by feeding people

On the contrary you seem 'under troubled' by the fact a grown man appears 'unable' to cook a basic meal for his own kids.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2015 00:25

And I agree with Lynda regarding the fact you seem to have expectations of the mother when it comes to feeding, yet none when it comes to the father.

Weird.

AnthonyPandy · 28/12/2015 00:34

but would also not offer beans on toast as a meal for my 18 yr old when he comes in from a days work

Neither would I. He knows where the bread, butter, beans, saucepan, grill, hob, plate, knife and fork is all kept. And the fridge containing the cheese. And the grater. And the sink to wash it all up in. Domesticated New Man.

MidniteScribbler · 28/12/2015 01:21

He's not helpless he's just shit in the kitchen he's eaten out of the mess since he was 16 and has no kitchen.

He is helpless. A grown man who can't even manage to put a meal together for himself, let alone his offspring, IS completely useless. And lazy to boot.

There is no such thing as someone who can't cook. Only those who are too lazy to bother learning.

Leelu6 · 28/12/2015 02:58

Argh why are the first page of a thread always full time of idiotic comments?

Of course YANBU OP. The ex sounds useless at best and passive aggressive at worst. As a pp said below:

Yes, "most parents provide a snack for the car", that means the parents that wave you goodbye!

VaticanAssassin · 28/12/2015 03:47

Oh OP, this is MN, and you're a SP. Your place is always in the wrong

MidniteScribbler · 28/12/2015 04:54

Yes, "most parents provide a snack for the car", that means the parents that wave you goodbye!

And if you turned this around and the child's mother posted and said:

"AIBU not to pack snacks for my children to take in the car when they are picked up for contact? I think that when my ex or his partner pick up the children it is their contact time and they are responsible for any food that the children want or need?"

You'd have an overwhelming amount of posters saying it is the ex and his partner who should be paying for food during that time.

Chippednailvarnish · 28/12/2015 05:05

Because he has been in the military for 25 yrs and is not used to thinking ahead about meals. He has lived in a room on his own for 25 yrs and comes home on weekends

Well unless your step children are in their late twenties he has clearly been in some sort of family situation in the last 25 years...therefore expecting him to cook and not get a driving ban isn't a lot to ask.

Mind you, you do seem to excuse every aspect of his crap behaviour.

CheerfulYank · 28/12/2015 05:56

She should have probably fed them, but time often gets away from me and I realize my DC haven't had lunch and it's late. Of course I do then feed them!

But the OH needs to figure out how to make a meal for everyone. It's the least he can do!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 28/12/2015 06:42

YANBU love. Of course mothers should feed their children some lunch before they embark on a 2.5 hour journey at 2pm. It's useless, feckless and lazy of her not to have done so.

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