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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have had lunch

153 replies

Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 19:36

Drove a 5 hour round trip today to collect DSDs.

Collected them at 2pm, we were a little late as the traffic was horrendous.

Turns out they hadn't had lunch. OH texted her to say how come they haven't eaten, she said most parents provide snacks for the car (I do provide a meal first and then a packed lunch for the journey when they leave from here), we pointed out we won't be home till at least 5 as I am driving and not unable to cook at the same time so dinner will not be at 5 as we arrive home!!

AIBU to think she should feed them lunch before they leave?

OP posts:
Crazybaglady · 27/12/2015 20:53

Wrong thread amummyatlast 😁

abbsismyhero · 27/12/2015 20:55

amummyatlast wins best derailment of the week Grin my face was seriously Confused there

SatsukiKusakabe · 27/12/2015 20:56

Yes they should have had lunch, or if not at least she should have told you before your left with them they hadn't eaten, it shouldn't have been left for you to find out.

Regardless of their being op's dh's kids, too, I would expect their mother to have fed them or communicated that they hadn't eaten. How many mothers do you honestly know that don't or wouldn't do this? I don't know any that wouldn't ensure their kids were fed before a journey, or that there were other arrangements in place if not. That's normal.

abbsismyhero · 27/12/2015 20:56

actually amummyatlast has a point with all these adults arguing and not feeding them properly they may need vitamins Grin

VintageDresses · 27/12/2015 21:01

I'm usually a stickler for regular mealtimes, but this week with all the late nights, late mornings and snacking on junk I've only really been giving dc 2 (or even 1) meals a day

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 21:14

They were hungry.

Yeah I guess I am pissed off. OH ex and her partner don't drive and I do actually think we should have the European system where both parents are responsible for the children having a relationship with both parties. OH has done thousands and thousands of miles and spent a lot of money that see the kids over the years but this is not reflected in his CSA payments as they only count when the kids are in the car.,

My ex is shit and won't even bother to see his kids over Xmas even though he lives 4 miles away.

Yes OH is banned but I feel sorry for him having to spend 2 days travelling to see his kids for 4 days between Xmas and new year.

I am the only person out of 4 people who can drive and there is a lot of pressure on me and no thanks for anyone just expectation I did the trip last Sunday, today and will repeat on Thurs and my back is so so sore

Yes I just wanted one thing less to do so I could get out of the car and chill the day after Boxing Day - and I have £30 until payday so service station meals would have cost a lot.?

OP posts:
Alicewasinwonderland · 27/12/2015 21:14

OP, I am with you on that one.

Yes, "most parents provide a snack for the car", that means the parents that wave you goodbye!

Bloody hell, my own mum was giving a pack lunch to my friends when they were leaving our house (even collecting by their own parents), that's what normal people do.

I wouldn't start a war on the subject, she is not worth it, but she doesn't sound like a very nice person. It's not the kids fault!

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 21:15

I didn't mean they are her kids not his -I meant not mine.

Apologies for the typos.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 21:16

And no the kids did not know I was pissed off and I meant European system as in both parents responsible of the cost of travel.

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 27/12/2015 21:20

its understandable your pissed off ive only driven a couple of hours today and im knackered next time throw some crisps and fruit shoots drinks in the boot to tide them over reduce the amount of bitch points and you might end up with a working relationship

incidentally i cant remember why you all live so far apart? did she move or you? if she moved you could ask for her to public transport them partway at her expense?

ClaireLumia · 27/12/2015 21:20

I'm a bit on the fence here as I don't think she did anything wrong by not giving them lunch as we've been getting up late and therefore having a late breakfast so my 2 dcs haven't been ready for lunch until after 2pm. On the days that my ex has collected them I've just told him that they haven't had lunch yet so he'll know that they'll probably want feeding later. He only lives about 10 minutes away so its not a problem. However, if they were going on a 2 hour journey to their dad's I would give them some food to take with them as I wouldn't want them to go hungry.

I can see that it would be annoying to have to stop off to get something to eat for them but I think your anger is disportionate and that you're directing it against the wrong person. If you're having to do the driving because of your OH then he's the one you should be angry with.

Morganly · 27/12/2015 21:23

OK, I can see that this is a build up of resentment and the misunderstanding/childish stand off about who was providing lunch is just your last straw.

If you genuinely have a bad back, I would just refuse to drive on Thursday. You can't afford the petrol, anyway. Let the parents sort it out. You are being taken for granted.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 21:24

It's a complicated forces situation she won't walk them down the road to help us out never mind get on public transport.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 21:25

You can't cook and drive.

You just wanted one less thing to do when you got out of the car.

Does your DP do anything at all? Confused

abbsismyhero · 27/12/2015 21:33

i think some posters are missing out on the point that the kids didn't get breakfast at 10/11ish they were hungry the op has limited money a bad back and no one else to do the driving

i think you should be angry at the both of the irresponsible parents kids are not a game chip

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 21:50

The OP hasn't said what time the kids had breakfast, so it could well have been a late one. Just because the kids were hungry, doesn't mean they ate early.

Either way, feeding shouldn't be down to the OP after all that driving. The kid's Dad should surely cook them dinner?

abbsismyhero · 27/12/2015 21:56

by two pm and with plenty of notice they would be late so even by 1.30 the mum should have known too

they are too childish to be parents its a terrible situation for the children to be in

somersetsoul · 27/12/2015 22:02

YANBU. If my 2 go to their dads they are always fed before if its just after lunch. And, I dont do car snacks. What if they choke when you are driving?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 22:04

Erm - choke while I am driving - how?! Confused

OP posts:
VintageDresses · 27/12/2015 22:05

If you have snacks in the car you can stop for them to eat without having to buy food at services

somersetsoul · 27/12/2015 22:06

It was in the news ages ago about a child who choked on something while in the car. They couldnt pull over quickly and the child died.

Since that my kids never eat in the car.

momb · 27/12/2015 22:06

YANBU. It's a power thing. We have the same issue. DH picks up SDs on Friday night at 6 for a 2 hour journey. He has to take snacks in the car as she won't even provide an after school snack on 'his nights'. If traffic is good they'll be here at 8pm, starving even after a few bits and drinks in the car, for a full dinner before bed. On Sundays they are due back at 7.30 and leave here at 5.30 after an early dinner as she won't feed them tan evening meal on 'his days'. (In fact we have rejigged Sundays to a big brunch and 'Linner' rather than a breakfast and lunch to accommodate this) although it does affect what we can do with the day.
I feel your pain OP. Of course you feed the children, but it just grates time after time doesn't it? The illogicality of withholding meals from your child if part of the meal time might fall into xH's time, even if that time begins or ends with a long drive. FWIW it does get easier as they get older: the teens now raid the fridge when they are hungry so don't fall into the car ravenous at least!

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 22:08

My point is it's a two and a half hour journey if they had been fed before we went there would be no need for snacks or to have to pull over for snacks ....

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 22:11

momb

Yes I do the exact same thing on a Sunday and then have to feed my own DC later as they don't want a massive lunch (if I do a toast for them it's on Sunday eve).

I also send them with a packed lunch because she often texts asking him to get them a Macdonalds on the way home as sue can't be arsed to cook Hmm

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 22:16

by two pm and with plenty of notice they would be late so even by 1.30 the mum should have known too

I certainly wouldn't feed my kids right before a long car journey. They'd spew the whole lot up.

Ideally I would feed them an hour or so before getting in the car, but if they've had a late breakfast due to the holidays, that might be difficult.

Either way the kids won't die of starvation during a couple of hours in the car.