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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think they should have had lunch

153 replies

Cutecat78 · 27/12/2015 19:36

Drove a 5 hour round trip today to collect DSDs.

Collected them at 2pm, we were a little late as the traffic was horrendous.

Turns out they hadn't had lunch. OH texted her to say how come they haven't eaten, she said most parents provide snacks for the car (I do provide a meal first and then a packed lunch for the journey when they leave from here), we pointed out we won't be home till at least 5 as I am driving and not unable to cook at the same time so dinner will not be at 5 as we arrive home!!

AIBU to think she should feed them lunch before they leave?

OP posts:

lighteningirl · 27/12/2015 20:15

of course she should have but this is mn and you are the evil stepmother so you must be in the wrong

VintageDresses · 27/12/2015 20:16

Tbh if I'd arranged to collect (any) children at 12:30 I'd have had a conversation about what was happening about lunch.

If I was expecting dc to be collected at 12:30, I'd probably expect they weren't eating with me (have to eat v early to be ready to leave by 12:30) but again I'd check.

If the children were young I'd have emergency snacks in the car for any long journey anyway.

But of course all this anger should be directed towards your Dp, on whose behalf you've done this trip, not his ex.

JohnLuther · 27/12/2015 20:16

Of course they should have had lunch but this is Mumsnet and you're going to get torn to pieces.

Birdsgottafly · 27/12/2015 20:17

How would you have felt if she had started doing lunch at 12.30, so they wasn't ready to leave when you turned up?

I'm glad it's been pointed out that you are picking up your DPs children (is it him that has the driving ban for speeding?).

You post numerous threads resenting picking them up, you need to refuse or get over it, tbh.

usual · 27/12/2015 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abbsismyhero · 27/12/2015 20:20

you also text her an hour before you were due to tell her you were going to be late she is bu

Enjolrass · 27/12/2015 20:21

If I am going to drive for 5 hours to collect her children the least she can do is ensure they are fed for the bloody journey.

Yes she should have!

But she is picking them up because they are her DP kids, she isn't doing the mother a favour so it's not relevant

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2015 20:22

I think she should have given them some lunch but stopping for a quick sandwich isn't a big deal either.

I would have had the discussion beforehand if picking up over lunchtime.

Enjolrass · 27/12/2015 20:22

Quoted wrong bloody but, that was in response to abbs saying the mother should have fed them

thelaundryfairy · 27/12/2015 20:23

Perhaps they woke up late or had visitors at the house in the morning meaning that they ate "elevenses" or something. Maybe they overindulged on sweets over Christmas and said they weren´t feeling hungry. Or perhaps she was worried about the children being car sick. I would have just talked to the mother when picking them up to find out whether or not they were hungry; perhaps she could have given you some snacks or sandwiches in case the children got hungry during the car journey.

I agree that it´s unusual for someone to send off their children on a long car journey without having been fed, but their family, like most of ours, is probably a bit out of kilter with Christmas.

CakeNinja · 27/12/2015 20:28

I would have fed my kids if I knew they were going to be in the car for hours.
Swbu not to have fed them.
However, if I found them not to have had lunch, there would have been a swift detour to a service station for sandwiches to be eaten in the car if you wanted to get home asap. Service sarnies, / bottles of water and crisps would have come to no more than about £15 (of course a rip off for what it is, not disputing that).
I hope you didn't make a big deal about it in the car in front of them. It wasn't in their control and that would have been horrible for them to hear.
I'm not saying you did, just that I hope it was dealt with with minimal fuss.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/12/2015 20:29

The father is just as capable of actually arranging whose responsibility the meal when hand over is at a fairly normal meal time is as the mother is.

If I was due to collect a child at a meal time I would assume providing the meal was my responsibility unless told otherwise

MsVestibule · 27/12/2015 20:29

Yes, if you'd arranged a 1.30pm collection time, she should have given them their lunch before you collected them.

But as others have pointed out, saying If I am going to drive for 5 hours to collect her children the least she can do is ensure they are fed for the bloody journey. is really arsey. Presumably it was their father's 'turn' to have them over the Christmas period, or were you doing her a favour by looking after them?

Crazybaglady · 27/12/2015 20:32

Same poster, birds

For my family, half terms usually mean brekkie at ten and lunch around 2/3 . Maybe she should have fed them, maybe they werent hungry.

I also think you're taking your resentment out for your partners driving ban on the ex wife, which is really unfair.

mommy2ash · 27/12/2015 20:32

It depends on what they had for breakfast. We stayed at my parents last night my dad did a huge cooked breakfast at 11.30am and have only had light snacks since

Lauren15 · 27/12/2015 20:33

Omg those poor kids stuck between two sets of selfish adults.

AwfulBeryl · 27/12/2015 20:34

I suppose ideally they would have eaten, but maybe they weren't hungry or had a late breakfast.
My dc didn't eat breakfast till 10 today, we tried to give them a snack / light lunch before they went out with Mil but they weren't hungry so she got them some crisps and biscuits. It wasn't a big deal.

PerspicaciaTick · 27/12/2015 20:34

Why wouldn't the adults have a conversation which goes
Mum: "They haven't eaten yet, shall I give them a packet of sandwiches for the car?"
Dad: "Thank you, I'd appreciate that. It means we don't need to stop on the way back".

Or was there some sort of moral oneupmanship going on?

DoreenLethal · 27/12/2015 20:34

Of course they should have been fed before a late arrival and a 2-3 hour journey back. Anyone who thinks you should add onto that an hour/ridiculous expense at a service station feeding them needs to take a long hard look at themselves.

mintoil · 27/12/2015 20:35

Advance search is your friend.

OP. You know this situation is not sustainable.

Griphook · 27/12/2015 20:36

If I am going to drive for 5 hours to collect her children the least she can do is ensure they are fed for the bloody journey.
Your not doing her a favour though are you, it's your do that you are dong a favour for. Btw how late where you?

Sallystyle · 27/12/2015 20:37

Does it really bloody matter? Why does this bother you enough to post it on MN?

It's a non issue, surely?

Perhaps they didn't want lunch, perhaps they had a late breakfast or had picked all morning on selection boxes and she thought they would be fine until tea time.

abbsismyhero · 27/12/2015 20:48

doesn't matter who she is doing a favour for the kids should still have been fed or provided with snacks by someone do these children have an adult parent or just two grown up kids and a pissed off stepparent?

Amummyatlast · 27/12/2015 20:51

It doesn't stop. The other day MIL asked in an accusing way 'why are you doing that? She has a good diet' when she found out we were giving DD vitamin drops. Because it's recommended by the NHS, that's why.

Amummyatlast · 27/12/2015 20:52

Oops sorry

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