But its not just dad paying for gifts is it? If he has £200, the ex has £200, and i have £200- he gives his 4 children £50 each, i give mine £100 each, and his ex gives hers £100 each. All kids recieve £150, but from our family pot, sdc get £50 while resident children get £150. Or is fair splitting mine and dh's money equally, so sdc get £200 each while dc get £100?
Dh doesn't factor in his ex's finances when deciding what to spend on his children. He would have no idea what she earns, he says it's none of his business, he said his ex could be earning a million pound a day and he'd still not deduct from what he was going to spend on his son and give his other children more.
Dh and I split the Christmas budget between all the children. Some years I earn more so I guess yes, my money is being split too. I know it's a minefield, I really do, but I think as I've been the child who has been singled out and felt very hurt by my Dad, I may be more conscious in trying to not make him feel that way.
during both of my dad's marriages he reduce what he gave us, to give more to his wife's children, they'd divorce, wed get more, he'd remarried, I got less again. Some years I got his own stuff wrapped up as he told me he didn't have enough, to go round us all, be greatful so I'd be sat the there with Dad's CDs as my gift while my step sister is opening a Nintendo.
It's not about the gifts, its what they represent, it's really hard to explain, it's a Dad treating his children differently and right in front of each other. My Dad stopped Maintenance whenever he married, he'd reduce contact because he was "busy" taking his wife and her child out. We were out at beach once and it was miserable, constantly being told step sibling gets an ice cream, cos my mum can get me one off ice cream van at home, step sibling gets fish and Chips (I had soggy Sarnie they'd brought from home)cos mum can get me some at from our local. With my Dad it wasn't just Christmas, he was like this all the time whenever he married, I didn't get ice creams from Mum or all the other million things he'd give his wife's child because mum struggled as Dad left her in the shit. But she's given me 100 per cent of herself, of her love and that's all I ever wanted from my Dad. At his funeral, other than my aunts and uncles nobody had a clue who I was, lots of shock when they learnt I was his daughter, they all thought he only had his stepson. Whenever anyone asked who I was I'd feel like an outsider again.
I'm not saying anyone who does stuff diff to me is wrong, just trying to say I understand why a child can feel left out if they are treat differently by their parent. Esp at Christmas when the message is "it's about family". Everyone has to do what works for them.