To opt out completely when we have children?

[swansolistice]

I used to like Christmas, but threads here and the huge piles of gifts on Facebook make me feel faintly nauseous. The sheer amount is obscene.

I hate the threads about who has more, who had more spent on them, who had more presents.

I know I'm being a complete Scrooge but semi-seriously, WIBVU to take child(ren) away to a lovely remote cottage in Wales or Scotland or the heart of England and have Christmas there without any of the excess?

Missed OP's update- makes more sense now

I do find Facebook pictures of piles of presents under a well manicured tree very bad taste, and boasting. What if people cannot afford a lot, cannot have a well manicured tree with lots of presents under. Its one thing to photo your children opening presents, fine, but to have a picture of a tree with piles of presents, is just in bad taste.

DH and I are in the US so luckily family have to mail things over. This makes life a million times better. After going to denmark last Christmas and having to deal with DHs selfish family we are very happy to do Christmas here. We continue to form our own traditions. As an example, Danish Christmas is on the 24th and they eat duck. Well DH wants to switch this to lasagne and do a British Christmas dinner on the 25th.

The best part of being 3000 miles away is that family now send money. We buy one gift for about $40 (£25-30) and save the rest in their college saving account.

As the parents you have the ability to make Christmas what you want it to be.

Not having any family at all is freeing, in a way, but also very quiet. Too quiet, as Shrek once said.

Bunbaker, I can empathise. Bizarrely I like the run up (love carols) and lights and markets but the day itself is a bit and I do worry my child would cynically find me lacking!

How ridiculous Aeroflot.

Anyone can take a photo of their Christmas tree, anyone can take a photo of their kids opening presents. It's all perfectly normal and most FB users seem to do it.

Judging anyone for doing it, or looking at the photos and getting all bitter and insecure says a lot more about you than them.

We had a plan before children that we would open presents in the new year so we could take advantage of all the Boxing Day sales, haha! So clever, we were. Once the children were here, and old enough to know what was going on (so, eldest was about 3) that simply did not work. It appears that the Boxing Day sales start about mid-December these days, anyway....

We have five children, so excess really is obscene! They had four or five presents total, plus a small stocking each, and that was plenty for everyone. My two middle daughters both hugged me this afternoon and said they loved everything they received. Score. :)

If you're ever a mother you will sacrifice a lot to see your children happy. The cheapest gifts are often the most loved.

Your OP was a complete red herring. You want children more than anything in the world and you also want to make Christmas a magical affair for them- much better than your own childhood Christmasses. I hope you get what you really want.

Ahh OP all this thread is is your contribution to a 'things you said before you had kids' thread. Honestly don't worry about it.

I hope you get your bfp soon.

My kids have had several Christmases with very little, some where they've had a decent amount and a couple where money hasn't been an issue.

They have one present from my parents, a shed load of cash from exes parents and anything else has been down to me. I was single for six years and those were great. Hardly any money but I saved up, did without new clothes for me all year and we've got by. We've gone ice skating on Xmas eve every year. If we couldn't afford it we would walk round looking at the Xmas lights.

This year I've had the money to buy them both a laptop each. They weren't expecting it and were stunned. Next year will be less as they got the big item this year.

All they want is a build up of excitement, putting a tree up, decorating it, making cards and some presents you know they will love whether it costs £50 or £1.

We are just us three this year. No Family nearby, Mum died years ago. Much wanted only child loves the magic.

All budget gone on him (4.5) he had 2 presents from us, 2 from Santa plus sweets / bubble bath stocking fillers. We've had the same artificial tree and decs for years.

Breakfast was croissants, lunch was fish pie (!) with £2 crackers.

We've stayed in our pjs all day...watching Dr Who now...it's been my fave Xmas ever.

I hope you get your BFP soon.

I am with derxa your post smacks of desperately of wanting the very things you are complaining about. Christmas was crap for you as a child and you have a chance to Build a beautiful christmas for you and your children.....Don't deny them as you were.
I save over the year.....I make a stocking for my son's and get them a few pressies. We have a few trips out. Its all perfectly doable ....it's not obscene.
I wish you all the luck in the world with your treatment. My friend had lots of treatment and had her son. Four months post birth found out she was expecting twins...

People shouldn't be allowed to post stuff on AIBU op and then not mean it. Esp on Xmas Day when I'm not in my own home and bored to tears.

How many hours till the trains on 27th?!

I would imagine a lot of us spend less on the "obscenity" than the price of a cottage in wales over christmas week :)

I hope you get lucky soon OP and you get to do the cottage thing, or eat your words and go crazy buying, as you wish.

For us, christmas is when we provide another year's worth of toys for the DC. They do have plenty but they are also growing up, and 8 year olds don't get much out of playing with shape sorters and plastic cups. I don't think it's obscene (though I am boringly negative about christmas jumpers and elf on the shelf).

OK. I know I shouldn't bite on Christmas. All this stuff about your child feeling shortchanged or whatever. Your job, when you have children, is not to give them everything so they are never sad or disappointed. Your job is to teach them compassion, resilience and stoicism. If you do that well, they will be happier; poky terrace or snowy cottage. Big pile or small.

I know I had a picture of my child and her childhood before I had her. Thanks goodness she and I are relatively adaptable. Because nothing turns out how you think.

The cheapest gifts are often the most loved.
That was what I was trying to say in my earlier post. Christmas really is what you make it, and you can make it fab with one child and not a lot of cash. I was an only, and often spent Christmas with my parents at my godparents house, which I loved. I never got much in the way of presents (not much money), but that wasn't the point: we decorated the house with greenery we brought in, and DM always did me a fab stocking.

OP, I hope you have a child to share your future Christmases with. Their pleasure will be yours, truly it will.

Swan - you can have a low-key Christmas that's perfect for you and your family - there is no one right way to do Christmas.

Like I said - we've never done the massive piles of presents, or the humungous turkey - we do a Christmas that suits us, that makes us happy - and I think that's what most people do - but we are all different so our Christmases will be different.

I do think that actually having a child makes you look at Christmas differently - when they are little, they see the magic, and, as a parent, you are such a big part of creating that magic - you get to do things that make your child so happy, and there are few words to explain what a wonderful feeling that is.

I don't think the magic relies on lots of presents, or just a few presents, or on a huge feast or a smaller celebration - it relies on intangible things, and we all do it differently, but with the same aim - the wonder on a child's face.

I saw that today. Ds1 (22) and ds2 (20) had bought ds3 (18) a kindle fire, between them. They didn't spend massively - it was in the sales - but the look on ds3's face when he realised what his brothers had done for him, was amazing. He didn't believe it at first - he thought it was a prank - maybe a chocolate one - and then the penny dropped. It is the happiest moment of my Christmas - and I like to think that the boys learned about generosity and thoughtfulness from dh and I - and in part, from the effort we put into Christmas.

It's pretty easy to get away with a very low key Christmas when they're small. Babies don't open presents anyway, younger toddlers don't pick up on it either. You could probably not bother spending much for the first four or five Christmasses, if you really couldn't afford it. Bit of a different kettle of fish once they get to school, but I guess you would have cleared or at least made a big dent in the IVF debt by then? So the financial situation may be better.

We have had a pretty low key Christmas. DD (15) is happy with her presents as she received what she wanted.

However, she has been chatting on FB and all of her friends have had hundreds of pounds spent on them and she is beginning to feel a little left out. That said, she has been very sensible as she realises that the big spend was a new phone for her birthday in July, and she knows that we don't spend that kind of money for birthday and Christmas.

This really echoes Fanny's point that when children are small it doesn't matter if you don't make a big deal out of Christmas presents, but it does when they are older.

Dh and I come from a culture which doesn't traditionally celebrate Christmas. We pick and choose the bits we like depending on where we are and what we're doing but that doesn't usually involve gift giving. The kids are totally fine with it. Occasionally they do say how nice it would be to get x, y or z for Christmas but that's them chancing it They see their friends getting gifts for Christmas but it's a non-issue for them.

Do whatever makes you feel happy. The future kids will be fine whatever fun family traditions you develop and certainly no need for over consumerism or excess.

Ahh OP all this thread is is your contribution to a 'things you said before you had kids' thread. Honestly don't worry about it.

Must say I agree with this...it made me smile. I too hope the BFP is coming your way soon and you will be able to look back on this thread and laugh.

I totally missed out on the magic of Christmas as a child, thanks to very po-faced parents, who thought they were being modern. No Santa, no tree, no presents. This was nothing to do with lack of money. As soon as I was aware, I felt so left out, I think I really missed out.
I don't buy much for my child, don't spend that much, but I do make it special.
The piles of presents still come from friends and relatives, and it's all ok. If you have the money to rent a cottage in Wales, that's lovely, just don't leave the magical bits behind.

What a judgy pity party of a

...thread!