To opt out completely when we have children?

[swansolistice]

I used to like Christmas, but threads here and the huge piles of gifts on Facebook make me feel faintly nauseous. The sheer amount is obscene.

I hate the threads about who has more, who had more spent on them, who had more presents.

I know I'm being a complete Scrooge but semi-seriously, WIBVU to take child(ren) away to a lovely remote cottage in Wales or Scotland or the heart of England and have Christmas there without any of the excess?

People always ask what others are doing every holiday - Easter, summer and Christmas, half terms, new year etc

When you get back from your cottage they will still speak to the friends that got presents

Christmas is what you make it - we spend it just the three of us and see family other days (ds did get loads of presents which we are all playing with today) and it has been a nice relaxed day so far.

Yes it would be very unfair. Christmas is a magical time for many children and it would be horrid of you not to let them experience it. Especially as once they're older they will have friends who will get the full fig and they will be left out.

Buying gifts for those you love isn't obscene, any more than buying birthday presents is.

Gosh MrsD, I didn't say I was a better parent and there's a good chance I'll never be a parent, so we'll see.

But when you've got nothing and you've got no one, big events like Christmas do need thought and management, because my big terror has always been that my child will resent us for such a spartan upbringing.

Removal from that is a possible way around it, don't you think?

That's not a judgement. I do absolutely hate the thought of small children being upset over someone having more and it does all start to feel faintly obscene and more than a little greedy when it's not about what you want but how much and not about quality but quantity.

Anyway ... sigh! Will go shake my chains around

You can't hide in a cave either though. That's as damaging as spoiling them (not that I think lots of presents is spoiling kids necessarily).

You can have you're own kind of Christmas, as can anyone. But being a misery about the whole thing is going too far imho.

YAB slightly U but I definitely sympathise. My dc have 10 presents each, a mixture of useful things (hairdryer for ds1 who keeps nicking mine), trivial stuff (silly books) and a "Wow" present (Millennium Falcon for ds3 (8), who has had a shitty time lately.
Ds1 has reported that his schoolfriend, aged 15, has reported on FB that he got a 50" TV for his bedroom, a PS4, sackload of games, mountains of branded clothing and more cash than I've spent on all 3 of my kids. Luckily ds has taken the attitude that it's just hilariously OTT but I know it's made his own pile of presents seem small in comparison.
Bugger it all, Christmas is whatever you want it to be. Over-indulgent or plain and simple, we should all just make it what we want it to be.
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You see, unless it was the sort of £1 presents which I know will satisfy small children perhaps but even so, I think 10 presents would be difficult.

And the other expenses: the tree and decorations and food and Christmas jumpers and Christmas meals at work and getting paid halfway through December and then not again until end of January - I can't cope!

Adding the cost of a cottage to that would cause more stress, surely!

Once Boxing Day comes nobody gives a toss what anyone did or had for Christmas anyway.

If I did things again I would probably not buy them as much when they were little. ££ wise it wasn't much you could go to the toyshop and come home with big boxes and it always looked exciting on Christmas morning. But now with teens the presents are tiny but ££s.

Harriet, why is it lucky that your son has take the attitude that its hilariously OTT?

Why cant it be that his friend got some lovely presents?

Each to their own and all that.

Do what you want. I don't think it's illegal to not to buy your kids any Christmas presents. If you hate the gift giving thing then don't do it.

But pull down your judgy pants a bit because other people buy their kids presents. Some people do go overboard but getting your kids a couple of toys isn't 'obscene', I actually find that quite rude.
DS has 3 presents this year (he is 1) he is proud as punch with them all and we don't really buy much through the year so it's been lovely to treat him to some new toys.

Out of interest are you also planning on no presents for your future kids birthdays?

Twist of fate but do have free access to a cottage in Wales!

It's a dream. A nice one :)

We lived in a very remote place for about 8 years, we've been back in the UK for 4 years now. I LOVED Christmas there, until Christmas Eve when we put the tree up the kids had no idea it was Christmas time, it was lovely

Oooooh!
Go for it. Knit some decorations for a collection of big twigs that have blown off trees. Would be lovely.

Buy your future kids judgy pants to match yours.

That way you can all sit in a cottage and gather round a screen...tutting and pointing at all the other families.

Merry Christmas!

Out, I don't think I'd have the nerve, in reality, to actually give no presents.

Birthdays are a bit different because unless you have lots of children with birthdays on the same day which seems very unlikely there isn't the competitive element. Plus, birthdays literally are one day and they are just about one person.

Would I make a huge fuss of my child's birthday - hmm, probably not unless they really wanted me to.

It's quite hard for me because we didn't celebrate Christmas after I went to secondary school, so I feel like I'm charging my way through unavigated waters a bit and I don't feel like I know what I am doing!

Wil, do worra, I won't mention what I think you need.

swans I really don't mean to sound patronising but how can you possibly know how you'll feel before you even have kids?

"I would find even 10 presents hard to buy" - see, once you have kids I don't think you would. You have no idea what they need, might like, what sort of kids they'll be, what they'll be into and what you'll want to treat them with.

It's a pointlessly academic conversation.

planter, I mean financially.

Lucky you have a gorgeous cottage in Wales to go to then.

DD has enjoyed a £1.50 pair of plastic Cinderella shoes, a pack of £1 hair clips with fake extensions on the ends, some £3 finger puppets from ikea....

You are being naive. You don't have to spend much. You just pick stuff up as and when you see it. DD likes cheap plastic tat though!

But OP your kids will still be aware of what Christmas is as between October and December it's fucking everywhere. They will ask you about it and what will you say? Oh yes darling but we don't join in. We're going to Wales for a month so Christmas and Santa can't reach us.

Does sound a bit miserable IMO.

No, you don't have to spend much, I agree.

However, you do have to spend some. So the ten presents cost between £1.50 and £3, so we average £2 per present, so £20.

Plus food. Plus events. Plus decorations.

You're still looking at £50 or thereabouts and it would be difficult, perhaps not impossible but difficult.

I suggest if you're that short of cash that you perhaps don't have kids until you're more financially secure.

Yeah, I know out, I think that's what I'm frightened of. That they're going to know our Christmas is shit

Going away is making it an active choice rather than a necessity. A bit like turning up to a black tie event in jeans and trainers almost looks better than a carefully laundered dress!