Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To opt out completely when we have children?

164 replies

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 12:49

I used to like Christmas, but threads here and the huge piles of gifts on Facebook make me feel faintly nauseous. The sheer amount is obscene.

I hate the threads about who has more, who had more spent on them, who had more presents.

I know I'm being a complete Scrooge but semi-seriously, WIBVU to take child(ren) away to a lovely remote cottage in Wales or Scotland or the heart of England and have Christmas there without any of the excess?

OP posts:
KOKOagainandagain · 25/12/2015 15:15

Raised as a Jehovah's Witness - we did not do Christmas.

Hated it. The return to school. Other DC deliberately asking what I got. Awful.

hiddenhome2 · 25/12/2015 15:19

Instead of a child Grin

I absolutely loathe xmas and can't be bothered with it at all, but I make a bit of effort for the kids, although it is very low key. I save up during the year and they have some gifts and nice food, but I don't go overboard.

I think children would feel hard done by if their parents didn't recognise xmas at all. You have to make a few nice memories for 'em. I never had xmases because I grew up in care and it was pretty miserable.

Original poster
swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:21

Gosh.

That actually really, genuinely tops the list of 'stupid and insensitive things people say in the middle of fertility treatment'

We've got two.

Xmas Hmm
OP posts:
KOKOagainandagain · 25/12/2015 15:22

Oh yeah, my mother was distraught to find that Santa did not exist (as an older child (12) ) and so made sure that I was never under the illusion that Santa existed (and so told me Saint Nick is another name for the devil don't you know)

Original poster
swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:24

I don't think we'd go that far. But I don't like the naughty/nice Santa thing and definitely no elf on the shelf, they are creepy.

OP posts:
hiddenhome2 · 25/12/2015 15:24

It's got nothing to do with whether you're having fertility treatment or not.

You asked a question. People will answer.

If you don't want the palaver and compromises involved with having children, then why have them?

hiddenhome2 · 25/12/2015 15:26

You sound like a barrel of laughs Confused

You're going to have to lighten up if you're planning on having nippers you know.

What else are you going to ban/avoid?

Original poster
swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:27

So you should only have children if you're prepared to give them piles of presents once a year?

Or perhaps you prefer to give things on an 'as and when' basis. Like I say, Christmas wasn't celebrated for me beyond the age of about twelve - not saying that's 'right', necessarily, but it's a bit nasty to say someone should not have children at all because they find the whole Christmas thing exhausting and hard work and costly.

OP posts:
Original poster
swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:29

Easter bunny can go in a stew we'll donate to the food bank, being veggie and all.

Summer holidays can sod off. Global warming you know, plus your carbon footprint as you get on a plane.

Second hand clothes only.

(By the way, I'm being tongue in cheek there and I was with my op. I'm not on calling you on saying we should have cats not kids. Out of order.)

OP posts:
CombineBananaFister · 25/12/2015 15:31

Some kids will get loads and it won't be enough, some will get little and feel spoiled rotten.
It's not what you got or what others got or who is morally/ethically/financially superior.
What will matter, hopefully, is how you've raised your child and the principles you've instilled into them that will determine they react to these things in a positive manner and not feel shit or judgey.

hiddenhome2 · 25/12/2015 15:31

I'm not saying that. I'm looking at the bigger picture and you come across as though you're uncompromising and a bit begrudging tbh.

You don't have to do a pile of presents Sad

You have to show a bit of compassion and wisdom when you have kids though.

90sforever · 25/12/2015 15:31

Do you know how expensive it will be to hire a rural cottage over the Xmas period? May as well stay at home and buy them some pressies

Sparklingbrook · 25/12/2015 15:32

We never did the Easter Bunny. That was stretching things a bit for me and is faintly ridiculous in a way Santa isn't.

HermioneWeasley · 25/12/2015 15:33

If you can't save up £50 over the course of the year for Xmas then you really can't afford kids and I'm wondering how you will afford to get away to a remote cottage?

Xmas doesn't have to be excessive - I agree, some of the pics of rooms full of presents are a bit off putting, but you are in control of that.

idiuntno57 · 25/12/2015 15:33

We're currently in a remote cottage in Wales. In front of a roaring fire after a bracing walk in the driving rain.

It's great. But it's also great because some of the presents came with us, there is wifi and the in laws are hundreds of miles away.

HTHSmile

Original poster
swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:34

I rather like Easter, in fact, on the whole I prefer it to Christmas. The weather tends to be better too :)

Xmas Grin at the poster informing a woman with fertility problems to get cats lecturing me on compassion and wisdom,

90s, we do have one we can use. Although chances are will always have to work on this festive season (going out later - working Christmas night, it is so depressing! Don't mind Christmas Eve so much.)

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/12/2015 15:35

My mother was utterly joyless about Christmas
I remember Christmas one year , I think i was 15 opening a pair of slippers wrapped in a cereal box Confused as I had received a second hand bike months earlier.
Talk about fucking joyless
She has never bought her grandchildren a Christmas present Sad
There is a middle ground between OTT and nothing which most people tread pretty well
I will never treat my DC's as she treated me Christmas is , I hope as good as it can be in my house with lots to unwrap and plenty of fun but not this chocolate box perfection either

Original poster
swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:35

It would be difficult hermione because we have massive debt from fertility treatment and personally I prefer flinging spare money at the debt incurred rather than Stuff.

Easter eggs now, that's different. Chocolate Xmas Smile

OP posts:
hiddenhome2 · 25/12/2015 15:36

Ah, tongue in cheek with your op eh? Is this a 'get out clause?' Hmm

I have aspergers and take things literally. I don't respond to manipulation. You asked a question, people will answer.

Cats or kids, makes no difference to me, but remember that whichever living being you choose to share your life with, you need to taylor the care according to their individual needs and children need to feel as though they're part of their culture and community, which, unfortunately means at least nominally including certain customs into their lives, even if you don't like it.

Original poster
swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:38

It's not manipulation. I do think people go OTT with Christmas, I do worry that our Christmases will be shit not very good, I do think running away sounds wonderful!

Of course the reality might be different.

How about we don't respond to one another now, as I'm afraid I did find your comment about getting cats rather than children topped the charts insofar as insensitive comments go, aspergers or not, and clearly you now wish to fight, which I don't.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 25/12/2015 15:38

You sound a bit joyless TBH. Having children does tend to change your outlook though. I think you are under-estimating the power of peer pressure from other children, so good luck with that.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/12/2015 15:39

I love it when a goady fucker pretends they aren't it makes me Confused

90sforever · 25/12/2015 15:39

Ah ok I think your post is more understandable now you've mentioned fertility treatment. I have a friends who become really critical of others when they were doing the exact thing they thought would never happen for them, be that children, weddings, nice home or whatever.

You'll get there OP. Save your energy getting worked up about the terrible things other people do. It's not real angst.

hiddenhome2 · 25/12/2015 15:40

I don't need to show compassion towards you OP, only my own family members Wink

Original poster
swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:43

That's fine, hidden. Have a merry Christmas anyway.

I'm not normally joyless. For some reason Christmas has that affect (effect) on me, doubled when I'm working nights.

hobnobs I am no goady fucker but do feel free to report my thread to Mumsnet and I'm sure they will happily delete it if they agree with you, personally I find them pretty helpful as a rule.

OP posts: