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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To opt out completely when we have children?

164 replies

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 12:49

I used to like Christmas, but threads here and the huge piles of gifts on Facebook make me feel faintly nauseous. The sheer amount is obscene.

I hate the threads about who has more, who had more spent on them, who had more presents.

I know I'm being a complete Scrooge but semi-seriously, WIBVU to take child(ren) away to a lovely remote cottage in Wales or Scotland or the heart of England and have Christmas there without any of the excess?

OP posts:

Original poster

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 13:37

Yeah well it's not always that simple planter; we might not have children anyway but if we do it'll be a struggle.

And teens won't be happy with £20.

OP posts:

B33rTricksPott3r · 25/12/2015 13:38

Stuff the work meals, Christmas jumpers and events. Make your own decorations.
Christmas really can be done in your own way and the Hide button FB is a boon if you can't edit your Friends list down for diplomatic reasons.

planter · 25/12/2015 13:38

Fine. We could all start threads about imaginary situations which might never happen. Seems pointless to discuss it until it happens though.

Outaboutnowt · 25/12/2015 13:39

Btw, Christmas is only one day here. We swap presents with immediate family and send out cards.
We spend about £10 on each person. Spend a bit more on DP and DS.
We're not particularly well off but we manage and we have a lovely day. You don't need to spend £££.

Original poster

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 13:42

I hope it won't be imaginary but you never know with fertility treatment so don't want to tempt fate.

OP posts:

Original poster

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 13:43

Thing is, you sort of do unfortunately, I mean yes, you don't need to opt into a lot of stuff but as can be seen from the responses here the general consensus is that you should be doing something,

OP posts:

Sansoora · 25/12/2015 13:44

Going away is making it an active choice rather than a necessity.

So not only will they not get anything they'd have to put up with being hidden away from it all as well.

It sounds like the making for a lifelong complex and one thats a lot worse than being so poor you didn't even have a bucket let alone one with a hole in it.

You need to get a grip and stop overthinking things

Original poster

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 13:45

Grip well and truly got, much as I hate that phrase.

OP posts:

thatstoast · 25/12/2015 13:52

I remember the Christmas before I had DS. Most of my friend's had young children and I resented them. My mum had bought little christmas socks for a friend's grandchild and I cried upon seeing them.

We haven't made a big fuss this year. DS has 2 gifts from us and we already live in Wales (which is seemingly immune from Christmas in this scenario?).

Hope things work out for you, OP.

GreatFuckability · 25/12/2015 13:55

How can you possibly know what your finances will be like in 13 years (at least) when your child is a teen?
And... We have Christmas in Wales too. Just fyi

Outaboutnowt · 25/12/2015 13:56

But it's not that they would have a shit Christmas, it's that they would have no Christmas at all.
Obviously some families don't celebrate Christmas but I think your kids would be a bit confused and feel a bit isolated when everyone at school would be talking about it and making decorations etc (most Christian/agnostic/atheist families celebrate in some way) and your kids would have no involvement at all.

All I'll say is you'd be amazed how excited kids get over a £10 Argos tree, a few bits of tinsel and a couple of presents under the tree.

We're atheists but for us Christmas is a nice family day and it's a nice end to the year.

ovenchips · 25/12/2015 13:58

Crikey what a waste of headspace on Christmas day.

I don't think you're in a position to know yet what level of austerity you would like to have at Christmas once children are on the scene. You may well feel differently if/when you do have them tbh.

Anyway, today, all any of us is doing, is celebrating in what we think is the best way for us and especially our children.

Please don't assume I must be one of these OTT Christmas people and am just being defensive. As it turns out, my circumstances mean I have one of the most pared down non-Christmases you can imagine. Not through choice. But I don't begrudge a single other person for having a riotously excessive Christmas if that's what makes them happy.

Merry Christmas to you anyway.

BitOutOfPractice · 25/12/2015 14:00

My 15yo asked for a book, a cd and some bubble bath. Not every family is going ott with it. It's up there you. I have never ever felt judged or commented upon for why we do at Christmas.

pictish · 25/12/2015 14:13

Why am I reminded of that scene in the first Harry Potter where the Dursleys take Harry to a remote island in the sea so he can't receive his offer of a place at Hogwarts?

Ywnbu to go somewhere quiet for a modest Christmas.
Ywbu to drag your kids off to the middle of nowhere with no presents to deny them a Christmas. Of course you would be.

We don't go overboard. No one makes us. We have the capacity to think for ourselves and remain at home.
Worth a try?

Hopelass · 25/12/2015 14:24

YANBU we've been round to brother and sister in laws this morning and the amount of presents DS's cousins had was obscene! DP and I have already agreed to have Xmas day on our own next year.

Jollyphonics · 25/12/2015 14:26

I didn't mean to be patronising OP, but this is AIBU and you'll get straight talking.

I have no idea how you'll feel when/if you have kids (I did 6 cycles of IVF so I sympathise by the way) - but I can say how I felt. I found that seeing my kids happy makes me happy, so I've made sacrifices I never imagined I would. And as others have said, there is middle ground when it comes to present buying. Things may not be as impossible as you're anticipating.

var123 · 25/12/2015 14:26

Good luck with that OP. I think we all imagined how things would be when we had children and how we wouldn't make the mistakes that others do. My children were never going to throw a tantrum in a supermarket age 2 or leave their seat in a restaurant.
Then there's the real world. it turns out that the children have social interaction too and opinions of their own about how they'd like to spend Christmas.

RideEmCowgirl · 25/12/2015 14:35

Well OP. I spent a fortune on my two boy's this year and they have had loads with more to come tomorrow. ..and I have loved every single minute of them opening it all.

We then have just the day here as the 4 of us.

I don't feel the need to criticise or pass comment on anyone else's Christmas. If you want to spent loads then so do it, if you only want to buy 2 gifts then that is absolutely fine too. Just don't clutch your pearls at others.

CMOTDibbler · 25/12/2015 14:57

It doesn't have to be all out work events, christmas jumpers, piles of presents, and gorging yourself on food to make a lovely, memorable christmas for children. But it would be very hard for a child of 3 or above to not get any participation in it at all when theres so much talk around Christmas. For instance, would you want your child to think they were bad because Santa didn't bring them anything? Or telling lies to their friends because they didn't want to admit that nothing special happened during the school holidays?

People have Christmas on a very tight budget by saving through the year, buying in the sales, buying second hand, holding necessary things back to give as presents and so on. Christmas dinner can just be your normal nice dinner but with drinks in wine glasses and poundshop crackers.

Original poster

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:01

Certainly don't plan on doing Santa. Running away to Wales was slightly tongue in cheek but will definitely not be going along with Father Christmas/Santa thing as fact,

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planter · 25/12/2015 15:11

Whatever. Lots of people don't do Santa.

Do whatever you want. I'm not sure why it warrants a thread though.

HarrietSchulenberg · 25/12/2015 15:11

Sansoora I said "luckily" that he found it funny because had he felt jealous, or that his presents weren't as "good" as his friend's, it would have marred Christmas here. We walk a fine line with ds1 these days and have had enormous problems with him lately, so it's lucky for the rest of us that he's having a good day today (or any day tbh).

Original poster

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:13

Well. You didn't have to post on it planter did you? So it must be important to you on some level, otherwise I'm not sure why it warrants a reply

OP posts:

hiddenhome2 · 25/12/2015 15:13

Can't you just get a cat or something? My cat was happy with just a cardboard shoebox for xmas this year.

Saying that, I don't know whether a cat would be happy going to a Welsh cottage every year. They usually like their own home

Original poster

swansolistice · 25/12/2015 15:14

Instead of, or as well as a child, hidden?

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