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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

who would do this?

79 replies

LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 08:36

The XH has told DD10 that Father Christmas doesn't exist, that it's all a big adult lie, but she needs to not tell DS8 about it or it will ruin it for him. Why, why, why???

AIBU that we could have kept it going for a few more years? I just feel he's stolen the magic from her too young.....twunt!

OP posts:
catfordbetty · 24/12/2015 08:38

What is the right age to deprive someone of magic?

Sirzy · 24/12/2015 08:39

He shouldn't have done it without talking to you first but I think around 10 is around the right time to start making children realise to be honest and it's better a parent telling them than being laughed at on the playground especially when they et to secondary school

WeThreeMythicalKings · 24/12/2015 08:40

Most DCs work it out by the time they're 7. If she still believed for much longer she'd be horribly teased at school, I'm really surprised she didn't know already.

antimatter · 24/12/2015 08:40

My kids who are teenagers told me that by the time they were 8 they knew Santa doesn't exist. They pretended they did to please us. You may learn the same in few years time Xmas Wink

sooperdooper · 24/12/2015 08:40

I think you should let kids figure it out for themselves, most do at the time that's right for them, nobody needs to sit a child down and make an official announcement about Father Christmas!

Sadmother · 24/12/2015 08:41

Um, she is 10. She didn't believe, she was just playing along with your crazy. Believe me, this happened to me too!

MrsGradyOldLady · 24/12/2015 08:41

I could have at least waited until after Christmas though. 2 days before is just pissing on her chips.

doitanyways · 24/12/2015 08:41

I teach in secondary school and I have always assumed no one believes in Father Christmas and haven't for a long time. (Then I joined Mumsnet!)

A few more years would have taken her to thirteen or fourteen! Grin

AnotherCider · 24/12/2015 08:44

I'm betting he told her because she was asking very pointed questions. Ds1 (8) is fishing for the truth, but has been a bit hesitant to come right out and say it because i told him santa comes to those who believe. Hoping he'll 'believe' till he's in his 20s!!!

2ndSopranosRule · 24/12/2015 08:44

Dd1 is currently giving an Oscar winning performance in I Believe in Santa for the sake of her younger sister. Dd1 was 8 a couple of months ago and figured it out for herself.

I'd have killed any adult who shattered the illusion for her.

So while I think you'd have been lucky to get a few more years of enjoying the myth, YANBU to be upset at what the x has done!

Sameshitdiffname · 24/12/2015 08:44

I think it's the fact her EXDH has said anything without consulting her rather than the fact he's said FC doesn't exist

AliceInUnderpants · 24/12/2015 08:45

Is there a chance that she was asking about it? If so, what else was he supposed to do?
Remember, he is her parent just as much as you are, and he did the right thing by telling her not to tell her younger brother.

Original poster
LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 08:47

She'd pretty much worked it out for herself, yes that is true.

But to sit down and tell her outright I think is just so sad. I'd never have done it that way, I'd preferred to have let it fade a little more each year, a little wink and a nudge when taking about him and a knowing smile, not outright confirmation that you have been had all this time.

OP posts:
DamsenBerry · 24/12/2015 08:47

I overheard a girl on the bus yesterday talking with her group, 3 kids and 2 adults. She said loudly, "Santa isn't coming, he's dead. He died years ago, Dad told me." I just thought it was a little sad, as she looked about 6-7 years old. I also did wonder if there was any other believers within earshot! Luckily they were the only children on the bus!

Sadmother · 24/12/2015 08:48

When I say this 'happened to me too'. I don't mean I bleated about nothing on Mumsnet, but that my children feigned belief long after I actually thought they believed.

Enjolrass · 24/12/2015 08:51

I think you need to chill out. He is her parent too. I do think he should have talked to you. But sometimes these things come up and are dealt with there and then.

She is 10 not 4, she probably has a good idea anyway. Possibly even asking questions.

He told her not to tell younger dd, so it's not like he tried to ruin Christmas, just for the sake of it.

Dd has loved knowing, she is 11 and ds is 4. It's been wonderful watching dd be part of it making it magical for ds.
She is great at it.

Original poster
LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 08:52

Sooper exactly my point

OP posts:
doitanyways · 24/12/2015 08:54

It's true nobody needs to make an official announcement but that's generally because children work it out themselves, surely.

If I had a ten year old who still believed I think I would come out and tell them!

BrandNewAndImproved · 24/12/2015 08:56

My 10 yr old still believes weirdly but according to her there's only two people in her class that don't believe.

She also believes she's going to get a letter to hogwarts when she's eleven...

PaulAnkaTheDog · 24/12/2015 09:01

So she worked it out and your ex confirmed it for her? Yabu. It's not as though he thought 'I know what I'll do today, I'll piss on Christmas for my kid by telling her Santa doesn't exist! Mwahahahahaha!'

Original poster
LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 09:02

I'm not having a huge stress about this, it's done now, I don't particularly think he needed to consult me on this at all, what he chats about to DCs is up to him of course it is.

I just thought it was a bit sterile to have done it in this way, that was all. Or maybe I'm wrong and this is what everyone does, has the chat that tells children that they've been lied to for however many years and it's a huge commercial farce for the shops to make lots of money. Happy Christmas!

OP posts:
Cornelialovett · 24/12/2015 09:02

My 10 year old believes. I haven't told him as he cant keep anything to himself. As soon as he knows he younger siblings will too. He can't help himself.

Perniciousness · 24/12/2015 09:03

SadMother. You have such a charming turn of phrase Hmm

OP, do you really think your 10 year old believed in FC? That's quite old. My DC never believed but we still played the game and put out a carrot for the reindeer etc. I can't fathom the idea that they would actually have believed a big guy dressed in red would deliver presents around the world. How strange! It never crossed my mind to tell them it was real. I hope I didn't ruin the magic for all my kids childhood -! Maybe your ExDH thinks more along the same line as me. It's not wrong.
As separated parents I don think it's practical to discuss every aspect of parenting with each other. I don't think I do with my DH and I've been happily married to him for 30 years.

doitanyways · 24/12/2015 09:09

If you see it like that Lady (and I do, which is one reason I won't be going down the 'Santa is real' line) then very genuinely why did you ever share the story with her at all?

MrsBobDylan · 24/12/2015 09:13

Me and my DM still haven't had 'the talk' so she would be forgiven to think I still believe except I'm over 40!

My ds otoh, begged me to tell him the truth a month ago so after a lot of wavering and not wanting to, I did. He's 8 and it hasn't killed the magic for him. He's also not worried about being lied to for years or it having all been a commercial farce.

I think yab a bit u although I share your sadness.

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