who would do this?

[LadyFadgina]

The XH has told DD10 that Father Christmas doesn't exist, that it's all a big adult lie, but she needs to not tell DS8 about it or it will ruin it for him. Why, why, why???

AIBU that we could have kept it going for a few more years? I just feel he's stolen the magic from her too young.....twunt!

And to be honest if my son at 10 years old had genuinely still believed it I'd have worried about his powers of reasoning.

All adults know Santa is a lie plenty think God is a lie, Allah is a lie etc.

I'm pleased that children don't tease others because they believe in Santa. It doesn't matter what people believe in.

I'm more saddened by the number of people on MN who cannot accept or think it's wrong a 7+yo believes than I am about the fact my 11yo still believes. No one believing in Santa is harming anyone. There is plenty of people with religious beliefs who are actually harming others.

wolper was it really relevant to include the social services issue in an OP about whether outrightly divulging the Father Christmas lie is a reasonable thing to do? When you said 100% of the stuff your ex does isn't wrong that is when it became relevant to bring it up, as your assumption of him was incorrect. Regarding your last assumption, I'm actually less miffed that it was her dad who told her, as he is her parent as much as I am. If it had come from someone 'I liked', as you suggested, it certainly wouldn't be their place and would tell them I wasn't happy with what they had done.

He is bang out of order. Why do that? I think the magic should be kept for as long as possible. I have never known a parent to do this. Its normally some kid at school that lets the cat out the bag. I agree with you on this OP. He sounds like my wanky ex.

My mum is convinced i still believed at 12! I just kept pretending coz I had a sister 6 yrs younger. In this case maybe I would have waited until after xmas but most kids do work it out in yr 6 and those who dont get teased.

The issue is more about him being a dick rather than this individual moment, really, isn't it? It was a shitty thing to do - taking her into a separate room to take away the magic just before Christmas, regardless of her age, is cruel. She might not have believed for much longer, but she could have found out in a kinder way.

OP. My 15 year old DS told me he pretended he believed to keep me happy.
I have just asked him and he said he had doubts around 7 but knew for deffo around 9. I think the transition to 'not believing' should happen naturally. But to sit down and tell her outright was unnecessary. Is he a sociopath by any chance. They like to take pleasure away from people. Even their own kids.

I thought so too Flat, and him being my ex is irrelevant here. If we'd still been married I'd still think he shouldn't have done it and would have said as much to him.

Well yes, actually he is Flat - you've hit the nail on the head there.

I've told my DS (8) the truth as I wasn't willing to tell ever increasingly elaborate lies to explain Santa's existence.
I don't think for one minute that a ten year old doesn't have the slightest idea that a magic man in a red coat has flying reindeer that transport him around the world in one night is real.

Elf exactly, I've smirked at her when we talk about Father Christmas, knowing she probably had a good idea. But the way it was done here was a bit weird and cold.

My DS made it very clear that he didn't believe any more when he was 10. DD hasn't believed since she was 7, I think your DD must have not really believed but it's totally unreasonable of her father to tell her without talking to you first.

I fucking knew he was a sociopath!!
You have my sympathy. There is no reasoning with those bastards either.

My daughter has told her younger brother he doesn't exist but thankfully he believes me more than her and she has been severely told. He's borderline still believing, she is just being mean. she doesn't tolerate "nonsense."

As the eldest in my family, I'm the one who got the piss taken out of me at school for still believing in Father Christmas. Following that, I gently broke it to the others when they were 5 or 6 (only the youngest got upset - I misjudged that one.)

YANBU to be generally cross about your ex, but YABU to expect a ten-year-old to cling to the myth

YANBU to dislike the way he did it, regardless of whether she'd already worked it out or not.

My DD is 8, I overheard her whispering to DS1 yesterday that she's not 100% sure Santa is real anymore, he told her that 'maybe Santa isn't one magic person, it can be everyone' which I thought was lovely. I think she's decided to play along for this year though, just in case And DS2 is still a believer at 6.

I would hate someone to have marched mine into a room, sat him down and told him, yes. I responded to direct questions, when he was ready to ask them. If your ex had done that, I'd think he probably did the right thing... but bursting her bubble just before Xmas is not ideal, to say the least.

I do think most kids by 10 will absolutely know, though. I had a cousin who didn't at that age, and just could not fathom it, as her peer. I also suspect that those who do know are drilled by parents not to enlighten those who don't, so kids who believe are not in a good position to assess knowledge amongst their peers.

But my DS is 11yo and genuinely does believe that Santa flies around the world on his sleigh. Ive talked a lot about beliefs and about how we celebrate Xmas and there will be presents regardless of behaviour or belief. I've given him the opportunity not to believe or say he believes something else.

Mind you in the spirit of Christmas I feel I should divulge he has ASD and thinks material things have life and feelings. He's not got LD and is cognitively on 90th percentile. It's just beliefs are something everyone has and his is Santa.

Youare, mine has ASD too, and that's why he worked it out so swiftly (knew at 6). He is totally logic and patterns driven, and spotted that Santa seemed most anomalous.

DH is an atheist and is rather delighted by all this - he thinks DS is guaranteed to share his belief in no beliefs, instead of my wishy-washy Anglicanism!

Honestly, I doubt she really believed any more and probably needed to know anyway as she would have been teased by other kids otherwise. He was a knob to do it right before Christmas though, why not let her have one last Christmas where you do the full Santa thing (even if she isn't convinced it's real?).

Ghostspirit - why did you do that? Genuinely, why did you need your 5 year old to know it was you and not Father Christmas bringing the presents?
I thought it would be fun/nice/exciting for a very little child to believe in a bit of magic for a few years

It's just as fun when it's a parent.

My older brother told me that Santa wasn't real when I was about six or seven, I think (he was about ten). He also told me that mom and dad would be really upset if they knew that I knew, so I had to pretend he was real.

I didn't really mind, to be honest - I always enjoyed make believe as a kid. I think it's a bit mean for an adult to come out with it without being asked though.

LadyBaelish What a nice and thoughtful way for your son to phrase that, that is lovely

"Awww, isn't it sweet how gullible they are!"

Maybe you're nasty enough to think like that but I imagine most people aren't.