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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

who would do this?

79 replies

LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 08:36

The XH has told DD10 that Father Christmas doesn't exist, that it's all a big adult lie, but she needs to not tell DS8 about it or it will ruin it for him. Why, why, why???

AIBU that we could have kept it going for a few more years? I just feel he's stolen the magic from her too young.....twunt!

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 24/12/2015 09:14

lady does it have to be that extreme?

If you don't want your dd to know you lied to her (or perceive it that way) why do Santa at all?

Wolpertinger · 24/12/2015 09:18

AIBU that we could have kept it going for a few more years?

Er, yes, YABVU. She's 10, not 4. There were not a few more years in this, there were no more years in it. She's going to secondary school soon, Santa was over, she'd worked it out anyway.

The only reason you don't like it is that it was your exH. Most kids lose Santa around 7. It isn't the end of Christmas magic. 100% of the stuff your ex does isn't wrong.

2016IsANewYearforMe · 24/12/2015 09:21

He probably didn't bring it up out of the blue. Children around that age start asking hard questions and demanding detailed explanations. It is also likely that the majority of her friends know now. Also, she will go to secondary school next year, and everyone there will be wise to the facts.

sleeponeday · 24/12/2015 09:28

DS asked me directly if Santa was real this summer. I asked why he thought he might not be, and he said he knew the tooth fairy and Easter bunny couldn't be so applied to Santa. I asked who he thought left the presents - he looked at me like I was an absolute idiot and said, "You, obviously." Then he said, "Tell me the real truth - is Santa real?" So I told him the truth, and stressed that he must never tell other kids, as it would ruin their Christmasses if they weren't ready to hear it yet plus infuriate their parents. I stressed it again in the run up to this Christmas, and warned his teachers to help him by not putting him on the spot. He's not let it slip, I'm happy to say.

He was six at the time. Only just seven now.

At ten, she knows. And while I agree it's a shame you and your ex couldn't have had a chat to agree on how to do this, personally I agree that being direct if she asked him directly was sensible. He's her parent too, after all.

Original poster

LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 09:28

it was a joint decision with Dh 10 years ago. I (and he) remembered how magical it was as a child listening and being so excited for him to arrive on Christmas Eve, waking up to see that he'd been and left presents, eaten the mince pie. Christmas wasn't ever the same when I discovered he wasn't real (which was gradual discovery, I might add).

Wow wolper I had no idea you knew my XH so well? I'd love it to be true that 100% of what he does isn't wrong, unfortunately social services have a different view, but that's a different matter completely.

OP posts:

sleeponeday · 24/12/2015 09:31

Ds found it magical. Then he didn't - he found it utterly illogical. He's still thrilled about Christmas, though! It isn't only about Santa.

If social services think 100% of what he does is wrong, why does he have unsupervised contact?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 24/12/2015 09:36

Don't throw the SS thing at a poster in an attempt to make them feel bad OP. People aren't mind readers and you didn't mention it.

Enjolrass · 24/12/2015 09:37

Wow wolper I had no idea you knew my XH so well? I'd love it to be true that 100% of what he does isn't wrong, unfortunately social services have a different view, but that's a different matter completely.

I think what she wash saying is that not everything he does is wrong. Not that he is right all the time.

So this is about him making a decision? He is a shit dad, that's really what you are annoyed about?

Original poster

LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 09:40

It's been dealt with legally, he's had to attend a parenting course and contact was reinstated but is being monitored. I didn't say 100% of what he does is wrong, just 100% isn't right, which is what wolper said.

OP posts:

Youarentkiddingme · 24/12/2015 09:41

Why would a child beyond 7 get teased for believing in Santa. My 11yo DS still does. He's been tracking him since 7.30am on NORAD!

OP, did he just sit and her with "we need a chat" and blurt it out or did she ask him and he felt it's time to admit the truth? I think there's massive difference in the 2 TBH. I understand why you are annoyed but I guess as her parent he has equal chance to make decisions.

rainbowstardrops · 24/12/2015 09:48

I am truly surprised (if not dubious) that people on here seem to think that 10 is too old to believe in FC.

My dd is 10 and still does, although she's beginning to doubt it. I have no intention though of letting her go to secondary school still believing as she'll get ripped to shreds.

Her close friends all still believe too.

My DS was 10 when he was told by his supposed best friend (her dad told her too ) even though I'd asked the mum to make sure her dd kept quiet until at least after Christmas. She didn't

I'd be annoyed too OP. It could have waited until after Christmas to confirm her suspicions if that was how it was.

Original poster

LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 09:48

youarent he took her into a room sat her down and told her outright.

This isn't a big deal, I don't think there was malice in what he did, again I'll say that I just thought it was a bit cold the way it was done. I just wondered if this is normal to tell them outright at a certain age. That's all.

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 24/12/2015 09:50

I don't think she did

Original poster

LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 09:51

Thank you Rainbow, I'm pleased I'm not the only one who feels like this.

OP posts:

ghostspirit · 24/12/2015 09:53

i told my 5 year old father xmas is fake. i said mummy buys you all your stuff. gos to the shops gets you things you like. spends lots of money etc etc.. then i say so whats father xmas. she says fake... 10 mins later i say whats father xmas. she says real.

but anyway my thoughts are. parents bring up their kids best they can there are good times and difficult times. we make sure the kids are ok have all they need. birthdays and other events. then every year at xmas they get a sack load of presents. And what thanks do we get none.or very little. because the bloke who does not exsist gets all the thanks.

also at school no matter what the age kids will tell others father xmas doesnot exsit. at my childs school apprently the treacher told them he does not exist. that in the 8 year olds class not the 5 year old.

Enjolrass · 24/12/2015 09:56

OP do you keep name changing?

Some of your posts are highlighted, some aren't. Just wondering if it's the app playing up.

Original poster

LadyFadgina · 24/12/2015 10:00

No I'm not name changing, but I am on the app.

OP posts:

WeThreeMythicalKings · 24/12/2015 10:02

Why would a child beyond 7 get teased for believing in Santa.

Because Santa isn't real and it's a lie for little children as most DCs realise around the age of 7.

Youarentkiddingme · 24/12/2015 10:32

Yes but why would the children tease a child who believes. Would they tease the child that believes in God, Allah or whoever else they have a belief in?

No one has ever teased my DS for believing and he's been bullied horrifically in the past. Just that Santa wasn't one of the things that figured as a piss take for young children's teasing.

redskybynight · 24/12/2015 10:38

DS (11) has told DD (9) approximately every other day that there is no such thing as Father Christmas and that it is your parents. He's even provided anecdotal evidence of friends finding their presents, seeing their parents wrapping presents etc.

DD thinks he is just being horrible and won't believe a word.

I am firmly of the opinion that children stop believing when they are ready to do so.

WeThreeMythicalKings · 24/12/2015 10:40

Would they tease the child that believes in God, Allah or whoever else they have a belief in?

Santa is hardly the same - all adults know he's a lie.

pocketsaviour · 24/12/2015 11:38

I find it really hard to credit that a child could reach the age of 10 and still believe in Santa!!

Pretty sure I'd worked it out well before I went to primary school. Think my little sis still believed til about 6 or so.

I'm really not sure why we all think it's okay to perpetuate this huge lie to our kids. And then we all go "Awww, isn't it sweet how gullible they are!"

Wolpertinger · 24/12/2015 12:19

At no point did you say your ex is so bad social service have been invovled - major drip feed! And no, I didn't say that 100% of what he does is right, just that the main reason you are unhappy is that your ex has done this. If someone you liked had done it, it wouldn't have bothered you nearly so much as you are primed to dislike everything he does. You hadn't mentioned before that you had good reason for this

winterswan · 24/12/2015 12:22

Nor me, pocket

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 24/12/2015 12:41

I can't fathom the idea that they would actually have believed a big guy dressed in red would deliver presents around the world.

I find it very hard to believe a 10 year old couldn't have worked out it was nonsense.

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