Christmas fund given to charity AIBU

[FlatOnTheHill]

Me and my sister get on really well. Very close family. Never argue about anything. More like best mates so very lucky. Ok this is where its all gone wrong. Re xmas. None of us want for anything and the kids have everything. I made a decision this year that all off my £200 xmas fund for family (not my son). Is being donated to a local wonderful hospice. Im a working single mum by the way. I have given plenty of notice to everyone and told people myself and my son dont want anything as we dont need it. To save their money and not to worry. She has gone mad and said she would never give to charity at xmas and its about the kids. I said you might need a fucking hospice one day. She said its a weird thing to do. All the rest of the faimy think its a good gesture to donate. I have only bought presents for my son. Am i wrong? Feel like shit now for doing a good deed.

Agree with Ealingwest and Flippinada and italianGreyhound and others - this thread has saddened me so much. Flat I am full of admiration for how earnestly you have entered into explaining your position and how open you have been to others' perspectives and the vitriol here seems way out of proportion. You haven't given your sister's kids anthrax in their Christmas stockings - you've given some money to charity. The fact that the rest of your family has no problem with this shows that your sister is the only one wedded to the 'family tradition' of gift exchange. Best of luck for happy celebrations - and in fact I'll take your hospice donation as a little gift to the future elderly me - - thanks!

"If my sister explained to them that their xmas present money was going to those ill and dying surely they would understand. They are old enough. Whether she has done this or not I dont know."

Why should it be your sister's job to explain your (reasons for your) uni-lateral decision to change the Christmas tradition (of present giving) that you all hitherto shared? Should you not do that?

Flat I agree you've handled yourself very graciously and again you have nothing to apologise for - you've done a truly kind and generous thing. Please don't take the unkind comments to heart.

Sorry you have had such a rough year and 2016 is better for family and friends. That is a lot of young deaths to have to deal with.

I just don't get it that grown ups expect gifts and Christmas and have a total hissy fit if they don't get them. Do we only give on the assumption that we will receive something in return? Seems like lots of grown ups act like great big babies when it comes to Christmas.

Why come on AIBU if you're so convinced you're right?

Must admit I didnt think that was going to turn into such a heavy debate. But none of us are the same and of course we all have differing opinions.
I am new on here so did find that a bit daunting. But hey ho im a big girl! I can handle it.
Happy Christmas everyone.

Neither the OP nor her sister should have to explain anything to the nephews in the absence of gifts. The notion that a child would actually demand an explanation for why Auntie Flat didn't give him a gift this year is beyond the pale!! I had six aunts and uncles and at no age, from toddlerhood to adulthood, would it ever have dawned on me to question such a thing. Some years they gave to us, some years they didn't. It was not up for discussion and my parents would have been ashamed of us if we had demanded to know why no gifts were received.

For everyone going on about the symbolism and tradition and so on - what about the symbolism and tradition of "more blessed to give than to receive"? Funny how dear sis isn't so concerned about that one, is she?

"Kids, I just heard from your Aunt Flat, and she is doing the most wonderful thing this year - let me tell you about it!" That's how it would go down in my family, I'm relieved to say.

Why should it be your sister's job to explain your (reasons for your) uni-lateral decision to change the Christmas tradition (of present giving) that you all hitherto shared? Should you not do that

Why has her sister not taught her children not To expect gifts from every single family member at Xmas And that if they do receive them it's something to be thankful and gracious for? Again there is this expectation that people should give and receive gifts and that is completely wrong. It is the wrong lesson to teach children. it is not the OPs place to teach someone else's children basic manners ie not to get shitty with someone who isn't buying you a gift like their mother did.

OP I despair at people on here. The venom because you have chosen to opt out of the materialism cycle around Xmas. Some of the PPd have been bloody awful especially having been poor and unable to give anything to anyone at Xmas and having had a recent slap in the face about gifts I have taken time to make and given {home made jams because I'm broke} If your sister continues to be the brat she is being- she really is, I'm guessing she's close in age to you and her behaviour is horrifying - it is nothing to do with you. Honestly it isn't. It's her own sense of entitlement that is behind this. I hope you carry on giving and make it Part of your own traditions at Xmas.

I have my fingers crossed She is just a stubborn mare who will come round and apologise for her outburst.

Have a lovely Christmas Flat.

I think you've been a total arse. Give to charity if you want, request no presents for you or your dc and give out a charity donation gift wish list instead but don't give other people's presents away and expect others to think you are wonderful you arent.

FlatOnTheHill you are wonderful and you are inspirational, and you have not given away anyone else's presents! But then you know that.

You sound like a very kind and generous person - have a lovely Christmas.

lightninggirl no, you sound like a total arse. The op has repeatedly said that she has requested no presents. These people are no worse off with her doing this. Read the thread.

Nobody has given anybody's presents away.

An awful lot of people have thrown their toys or the pram though.

*out, not or!

Lightening girl - the sister could take the money she would have spent on OP and ds and instead used that to treat herself and her children. She could even wrap it up and put a gift tag on it; to - ds. From - OP.

Calling OP an arse is just unkind.

don't give other people's presents away and expect others to think you are wonderful you arent.

She didn't give anyone else's presents away.

Again the expectation that something the OP has not yet given already belongs to someone else because it's Xmas.

Fucking hell, can you all stop giving the OP such a hard time about this?
Christmas should be more about helping less fortunate people. Kindness. Generosity. Thoughtfulness
Instead it's endless consumerism, & endless selfishness.
And OP isn't looking for praise here, sounds like is just understandably upset by her sister's issues.
Happy Christmas, MNers

How old are your sister's children, Flat?

(sorry if this has already been covered ... couldn't see it).

Lighteningirl
For the 100th time.
I told my sister and family im giving to charity this xmas
I tiold my sister and family we expect NO presents.
I told my sister and family what they would have spent on myself and son is irrelivant. Do what you like with that money. Its not my business.
actually i must be an ass for giving your comment the time of day

How has the OP given away their presents There is no obligation to buy presents even if you are not donating the present fund to charity. People are so horrible and grabby when it comes to Christmas.
If there is something that her sister or her DCs want so badly then why doesn't she just go and get it herself.

ADish
Sisters kids are 13, 10 and 8. They have everything by the way. If they were poor they of course would get presents from me.

Flat didn't rtft but thankyou
I have limited experience of hospices but they are amazing and you did a lovely thing. You've helped someone at the worst time of their/loved one's life.

All old enough to understand