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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Hope For A Little Appreciation From Beavers Parents

177 replies

chowhound · 22/12/2015 18:49

The one big thing in my life right now is leading my Colony of Beaver Scouts. I really throw myself into it as do the rest of the Leader team.

Now, even though it's Christmas, and many parents seem to compete as to who can buy the best Christmas present for their PAID teachers, we volunteers on the other hand expect nothing at all. And boy do we get it.

I don't want gifts, I don't even want cards (although both are very great fully received, especially if it's something the child has made themselves). However, a thank you and maybe some feedback on what they and their DC feel about what we have done over the year would be nice. Failing that a smile and a 'merry Christmas'?

You know what I got this year? Nothing. Not a single card, not a single thank you, not a single seasons greeting. Barely even an acknowledgement that I was there,

Maybe I should make it a new year resolution to pack it in. The other leader and our Section Assistant feel the same. Problem is that our group and District are on a skeleton crew and can't get any stand insurance and none of our parents will make the commitment to be a leader (and I admit it's a big commitment). So, there would be 15 6-7 year old son who would have no Beavers if we did that.

I just would like a little acknowledgement of the work I put in at this time of year.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Higge · 23/12/2015 17:56

But expecting parents to guess what you want, that's just ridiculous.

Expecting someone to say thanks is being ridiculous? Seriously? Timely are you someone who desperately feels the need to win an argument - because that statement is just daft!

derxa · 23/12/2015 18:02

God bless you. my kids are well past Beavers age but people like you are worth their weight in gold. Parents are so rude. Flowers

budgiegirl · 23/12/2015 18:03

But expecting parents to guess what you want, that's just ridiculous

Giving thanks to a volunteer who has provided their time and effort free of charge for the benefit if your child should be thanked anyway. The volunteer should NOT have to ask for it . THAT would be rediculous.

I'd feel privileged that she'd allowed me to borrow her child Oh, FFS. Whether you feel privelliged or not, the parent should still say thank you, it's just basic good manners !!

titchy · 23/12/2015 18:12

I doubt you'd feel privileged to have some of the little buggers we have for the evening....

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/12/2015 18:52

Timelytess - someone does something for you (either paid or voluntary), you say thank-you - that is the MOST basic of basic good manners, surely?

It is certainly what I was taught, as a very small child - I don't need to guess whether someone wants or needs to be thanked, nor do I need it to be made clear in advance if thanks are necessary - because I know that saying thank-you is the right thing to do.

I am beyond baffled that you are still trying to justify some people's utter lack of basic manners.

FartyTette · 23/12/2015 18:53

Timely, you presume to understand people's motivtion for volunteering ( The enjoyment and extra experience that volunteers get from their activities is not irrelevant, it is why they do it. ). That may be so, but many volunteers then find themselves unable to leave when they feel they've done what they can, because there's nobody else willing to step up and take over. They don't want groups to fold, so reluctantly they carry on.

Scouting & guiding provide fantastic opportunities for our young people, and numbers are growing - but they rely on numerous volunteers (and there's a whole team of district and county volunteers behind the group leaders) to keep the whole thing going.

A 'thank you very much for your time' isn't really too much to ask is it?

DinoSnores · 23/12/2015 18:58

If anyone is interested in volunteering with Girlguiding, it is a lot of fun and a lot to recommend it too!

www.girlguiding.org.uk/get_involved/volunteer.aspx

Original poster
chowhound · 23/12/2015 19:09

Agreed Dino Snaresbrook, but I wouldn't be doing things properly if I didn't post a link of my own now...

scouts.org.uk/get-involved

Rather than sending off any contact forms or emails, it's best to find out who your local group is, then find out when and where they meet, and then pop your head through the door. I promise we don't bite!

OP posts:
Original poster
chowhound · 23/12/2015 19:10

Snaresbrook? Bloomin predictive typing!

OP posts:
capercaillie · 23/12/2015 19:12

I'm a volunteer myself (not Scouting) but know how little thanks they get. We gave our Rainbow leaders/helpers and Cubs leaders little gifts, wine and cards. In 20 years of volunteering, I can remember just a handful of times we've received anything. It's not expected but is nice - when it does happen it's quite special. A thank you is as good - it's always great when we thanks from participants and parent after a weekend trip.

Jw35 · 23/12/2015 19:28

YANBU I even give my post lady a £5 tip Xmas week! I would definitely get you something if my child was in your group Thanks

xmasseason · 23/12/2015 19:57

I think it is shameful that people fawn over teachers who are paid to do their jobs

Have you any idea how much unpaid overtime teachers work?

Permanentlyexhausted · 23/12/2015 23:25

I stand by my point. If you really want parents, and/or children, to provide you with thanks, cards or gifts you should make that clear when they sign on, so that they are not unaware and so that you are not disappointed.

There is something really very worrying about this assumption that people need to be treated as automatons - only capable of doing something if they are instructed to do so and entirely unable to think for themselves. Personally speaking, I treat the parents of my Brownies as though they are actual human beings with a degree of social and emotional intelligence. I think my fellow volunteers on this thread are simply hoping for the same degree of respect.

Besides which, instructing parents to show their appreciation is self-defeating since it stops being thanks and simply becomes a payment or condition.

I don't think any of the volunteers on here expect to be thanked by every parent but I do think it is valid to discuss why so few parents remember or consider it important.

xmasseason · 24/12/2015 00:02

Thanks to this thread I have thanked a volunteer as a result Smile

nortonhouse · 24/12/2015 00:11

permanently exhausted very eloquently expressed - thank you.
I find it surprising and sad that some people on this thread seem to need basic instruction in fundamental decency and good manners (although I suspect they are being goady in pretending to be completely obtuse and lacking in social and emotional intelligence?).

ninja · 24/12/2015 00:41

OP, I'm in exactly the same position and feel your pain. I ended up being a beaver leader because the colony would have folded otherwise.

My daughters is one of the Beavers and so I know a lot of the mums from school as well and like you it irks me that they put so much effort into organising presents for the teachers and not the volunteers who give up so much time for their kids.

And, in fact - I'm a teacher as well! Secondary and sixth form though so not many presents!

Even before I was a volunteer I've always given card and presents to people who have run activities for ,y children as their life would be a lot less rich without those activities.

YANBU at all.

Woodhill · 24/12/2015 09:34

also it's nice to be a giver and to think of others As I've stated upthread I used to send in gifts for the leaders/helpers at Beavers, Brownies etc with cards. I always appreciated what they did for my chidren.

Woodhill · 24/12/2015 09:34

children

Original poster
chowhound · 25/12/2015 13:48

Thanks everyone. Hope you are all having a relaxing and enjoyable day.

OP posts:
HopeClearwater · 25/12/2015 15:38

You'll get your reward in heaven ... Wink

blackheartsgirl · 25/12/2015 15:56

All 3 of mine are in guiding and the same leader runs all 3 groups on the same night, she works very hard and I know she has a lot of issues in her personal life as well as coping with a disability.

I couldn't afford a present but my daughter who is in guides cross stitched a little picture and wrote some nice things on a card from the three girls with a thank you too from me so I hope that was enough.

FartyTette · 25/12/2015 16:03

You are lovely blackhearsgirl , and your guider leader will be delighted. Smile

amarmai · 25/12/2015 16:03

op, i am getting a little insight into the type of people you are dealing with from a few of the pp here. I wd opt out and say why.

FartyTette · 25/12/2015 16:06

blackheartsgirl not blackhearse ! That's something else! Wine may have been consumed in the Fartytette household Wine

Groovee · 25/12/2015 16:59

One of my brownies made me a tissue holder, and knitted a Christmas pudding which had a ferrero rocker in it. It's those things with a thank you which can mean a lot.

The emails after our final meeting thanking me for my hard work means a lot.