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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Hope For A Little Appreciation From Beavers Parents

177 replies

chowhound · 22/12/2015 18:49

The one big thing in my life right now is leading my Colony of Beaver Scouts. I really throw myself into it as do the rest of the Leader team.

Now, even though it's Christmas, and many parents seem to compete as to who can buy the best Christmas present for their PAID teachers, we volunteers on the other hand expect nothing at all. And boy do we get it.

I don't want gifts, I don't even want cards (although both are very great fully received, especially if it's something the child has made themselves). However, a thank you and maybe some feedback on what they and their DC feel about what we have done over the year would be nice. Failing that a smile and a 'merry Christmas'?

You know what I got this year? Nothing. Not a single card, not a single thank you, not a single seasons greeting. Barely even an acknowledgement that I was there,

Maybe I should make it a new year resolution to pack it in. The other leader and our Section Assistant feel the same. Problem is that our group and District are on a skeleton crew and can't get any stand insurance and none of our parents will make the commitment to be a leader (and I admit it's a big commitment). So, there would be 15 6-7 year old son who would have no Beavers if we did that.

I just would like a little acknowledgement of the work I put in at this time of year.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Badders123 · 22/12/2015 19:21

Yep.
I gave up.
Parents complaining about paying £2 a week and coming over half an hour late to pick up.
Refusing to pick up sick kids on sleepovers.
It was hellish although I loved the kids.

LottieDoubtie · 22/12/2015 19:22

I got one card/token present from one guide this year- her mum is the ranger leader! Coincidence? Nope.

YANBU OP but it doesn't seem to be in our culture atm so no point sweating about it, it will only bring frustration!

Abraid2 · 22/12/2015 19:22

Timely, do you have a clue how volunteers work? For free? Fees go for activities, subs, equipment, etc.

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 19:23

timely tessellation, we make it very clear to everyone that we do not get paid, and thathalf of the £2 weekly subs goes straight to The Scout Association for insurance etc and the rest goes towards purchase of craft supplies and equipment.

Not the centre of the universe, sure, but does that really preclude a simple 'thanks'?

OP posts:
Shutthatdoor · 22/12/2015 19:26

timely a thank you costs nothing.

It is attitudes like this that is stopping people from volunteering for these things.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 22/12/2015 19:28

You aren't the centre of the parents' universe. They would expect you to be paid, or to have volunteered willingly and not in the hope of reward. Is there a fee for children to join or attend? If so, parents will certainly expect you to have been paid for your time. They have other things on their minds, juggling work, Christmas, children's social commitments, family breakdown, ill health - whatever is going on in their lives that you don't know about. And here you are, whinging about them not doing something you never even asked them to do. Its definitely unreasonable.

It is attitudes like ^ this as to why I stopped volunteering.

I have a feeling that timely is the sort of parent OP is talking about.....

ChablisTyrant · 22/12/2015 19:28

I also volunteered for a long time and didn't ever get a thank you from parents. I guess they think they pay and so it is a commercial transaction like everything else. They were obviously not smart enough to recognise that £2 a week wouldn't begin to cover staff costs.

redskybynight · 22/12/2015 19:29

I've been a Brownie leader since 1990 (with breaks) and my observation is that people are less appreciative and more "grabby" for want of a better word as the years have gone on. In 1990 I would have guaranteed at least cards from every girl, and parents making a point of making their DDs say "thank you". This year I've got one card and no presents and about 4 parents who wished me a merry Christmas. Tis very demoralising.

Chopz · 22/12/2015 19:30

I'm going to thank my beaver leader late. Just want organised enough but really appreciate

Tickory · 22/12/2015 19:30

YANBU, I am amazed at the commitment our leaders put in, it must be their whole life.

Admit I have been lax at giving thanks, verbal or otherwise, mainly because at beginning and end of cubs it's always so busy and must admit I just forgot it was the last one before Christmas. I try and remember to say thanks after trips. I really appreciate the hard work the leaders put it....will try and remember to show it more Blush

Helmetbymidnight · 22/12/2015 19:30

YANBU - and you have prompted me to write a thank you/merry xmas later on the beavers facebook page.

FinallyHere · 22/12/2015 19:31

One way to look at this is as a compliment: you are so good at this, you make it seem so easy that it never enters the heads of their parents to acknowledge what a fantastic service you are providing.

I used to volunteer, in a different sphere. I know that i got better over the years, mostly learning from experience what worked well and what needed to be done differently in future. The overt thanks decreased in direct proportion to the frequency with which I had to say, ah, sorry about that, we will regroup and do it differently. A leader pointed this out to me once, the one time I actually said out loud, in the company of other leaders 'Well that season went really well, yet no one has said well done. In the early days, loads of people thanked me and encouraged me to keep going'.

With volunteering, its really important that you are in touch with why you are doing this. If you ever have to rely on appreciation, it may be time to hand over to the next generation. You are training up others, to take over your role and make yourself dispensable, aren't you? Treating them as you would like to be treated. xx

Bounced · 22/12/2015 19:33

OP You've prompted me to get a 'first day back' box of chips for dd's Beaver leaders. I have volunteered for something similar and know what hard work it is, and the fact I'm busy and rarely do pick up etc doesn't mean I'm off the hook. Just means I need to think ahead a bit more. You're so not BU to point it out.

QuadrupleL · 22/12/2015 19:34

I am with you on this one actually! I am a Guide leader, we are about to celebrate 10 Years of being open. In that time I have had 2 children (both boys so neither will benefit!) and various promotions. I currently have 27 11-15 year old girls. This year I got 1 Christmas card.

My other leaders are begging me to stay at the moment - there are 3 of us and we all have our own strengths, mine is the actual running of the evenings. I am at the stage where I feel resentful that some of the very precious time I could be spending with my own children is spent with other peoples children. If I could find someone to take over, I'd be outer there like a shot at the moment, and feeling under appreciated by the parents at the moment is almost the last straw.

Bounced · 22/12/2015 19:35

Chocs. Not chips.

FartyTette · 22/12/2015 19:36

I used to be a brownie leader - gave it up about 3 years ago for several reasons, but one of them was the lack of appreciation. I think the final straw wasbeing shouted at by a parent for being 20 mins late meeting at the (rearranged) rendezvous point after after a very difficult camp in wet and muddy conditions. We changed the meeting point to help parents, so they wouldn't get stuck in the mud,and walked the children to a new meeting point - hence the lateness. Apparently we completely messed up a parent's social plans for the day.... never mind that I had spent 2 soggy, sleepless nights away from my own children!

redskybynight · 22/12/2015 19:38

Finally do please point me in the direction of this next generation I can train up to take over? The only reason I continue to be a leader at the moment is because my DD is Brownie. The minute I leave the unit is likely to close (and this is not overstating the fact, we've had 2 local units close in the last 6 months and there hasn't been a huge influx of new volunteers since then

Point being whilst volunteers don't do it for thanks, a word of thanks does go a long way to keep them feeling like they are actually wanted.

whois · 22/12/2015 19:42

Maybe the answer is to charge a commercial price and pay people to run it?

People don't value what they don't pay for generally.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/12/2015 19:45

You are supporting a lot of young lads and their families through your work.
Some families may be struggling possibly too much to organise giving a card, others may generally no longer do cards.
I think you have to really know deep down what a difference you could be making even for a few boys and their families. Then you wouldn't miss the cards so much x
My DS did Beavers and I bumped into his leader the other day - nearly ten years on.
I had a chance then to say again how much he'd loved his time there.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 22/12/2015 19:45

YANBU, sadly many just don't bother with thank you's for those that help their children but will however think nothing of tipping taxis, restaurants or beauty staff.

However, teachers may be paid but the majority go over and beyond what their salary covers. Unpaid after school clubs, staying up staying costumes or doing night shows for working parents etc.

Geraniumred · 22/12/2015 19:45

YANBU. I am a TA and got nothing either - because of the type of position I have I wasn't expecting anything, but the teachers and other TAs get lots so it is hard not to feel left out. Go and get yourself something nice and have a great Christmas.

citybushisland · 22/12/2015 19:45

I used to be an assistant leader, kids were lovely, really enjoyed doing it. Hated the parents, most of them used us for cheap childcare, turning up a hour or more late every single week. Sadly when I and another left for the same reason the troop ended, when I saw some of the parents in the supermarket I was attacked by them, shouting that they couldn't go shopping in peace now and it was all my fault (grin) tough shite is what i say

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 19:45

Bounced, to be honest chips (or better still a kebab) might go down better than chocs with me!

Finally, we are indeed recruiting and training, although our recent recruits are part of the current generation rather than the next.

Right, kick up the backside administered. Must be feeling better cos I'm off to download the workbook for one of the training modules I still need to do once the kids are in bed and settled. Thanks and merry Christmas everyone!

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 22/12/2015 19:47

Totally agree. DH is a youth leader in a similar organisation. He actually got a couple of beers and some chocolate this year. He's not in it for the presents but it is quite galling to see the parents of his boys arrive at school, heavily laden with gifts for the teachers.

DH definitly goes over and above too; runs a fantastic group with loads of trips and cool activities.

ladymariner · 22/12/2015 19:48

They have other things on their minds, juggling work, Christmas, children's social commitments, family breakdown, ill health - whatever is going on in their lives that you don't know about. And here you are, whinging about them not doing something you never even asked them to do. Its definitely unreasonable.

God there are some really vile people on here....how hard is it to say thankyou to somebody who has been doing something lovely with your child? My ds' leaders always got a thankyou from both me and him, and a box of biscuits each at Christmas.....they certainly didn't expect it, but I wanted them to know I appreciated them and what they did for ds.

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