To Hope For A Little Appreciation From Beavers Parents

[chowhound]

The one big thing in my life right now is leading my Colony of Beaver Scouts. I really throw myself into it as do the rest of the Leader team.

Now, even though it's Christmas, and many parents seem to compete as to who can buy the best Christmas present for their PAID teachers, we volunteers on the other hand expect nothing at all. And boy do we get it.

I don't want gifts, I don't even want cards (although both are very great fully received, especially if it's something the child has made themselves). However, a thank you and maybe some feedback on what they and their DC feel about what we have done over the year would be nice. Failing that a smile and a 'merry Christmas'?

You know what I got this year? Nothing. Not a single card, not a single thank you, not a single seasons greeting. Barely even an acknowledgement that I was there,

Maybe I should make it a new year resolution to pack it in. The other leader and our Section Assistant feel the same. Problem is that our group and District are on a skeleton crew and can't get any stand insurance and none of our parents will make the commitment to be a leader (and I admit it's a big commitment). So, there would be 15 6-7 year old son who would have no Beavers if we did that.

I just would like a little acknowledgement of the work I put in at this time of year.

AIBU?

I got one present from a Brownie this term. A home made pocket mirror with 'Brown Owl' on the back, which I love.

Possibly I loved even more, was one of my Brownies coming up at the end of the night, saying thank you, and shaking my hand! It was so funny, it made my evening.

I will preface this by saying DD guide leaders got chocolate and a thank you. I have also done the parent helper thing at both rainbows and guides.

However I think if you are doing it for a thank you you will burn out. Do it because you enjoy it. Not because you think you will be appreciated. You won't, not to the extent you feel you should be (and you are probably right) and you will only end up resenting your "clientele"

I will add a few thoughts: both DD's brownies and rainbows have at times sent out letters implying how ungrateful parents were. Nothing was more offputing.

The rainbow one seemed to credit themselves with any aspect of personal growth of every child in the pack, why weren't we parents all more grateful?

This came at a time when DD was having major upset because she was being penalised for exh refusing to take her to church on his weekend and the leaders wouldn't even accept me taking her on a different weekend instead.

Volunteering there wasn't very plesent either because noone talked to you or made it clear what was supposed to be going on. it wasn't a pack I would have enjoyed helping out at for long.

The brownie one came after the pack organised a cinema trip 30 mins drive away with a weeks notice. It was unfortunate noone turned up...

Also if you volunteer you tend to get pounced on. I don't want to give heavily involved I never know when DS with SN is going to suddenly monopolise 90% of my time. I am however more than happy to turn up, clean to hall, make drinks and generally be dogsbody. After a while you tend to get "will you prepare this?" "could you do this for me next time?". It became a pressure (nothing to do with the parents) as opposed to an enjoyment (especially on top of a week when DS had been terribly ill). I quit at that point

In both of these cases i know the leaders were bemoaning the lack of volunteers or gratitude. If you aren't getting any thank yous or volunteers it might be worth checking out that there isn't a reason why.

I have been both a Brownie Guider and teacher for over 30 years and I too find it strange that I am given loads of presents for the job I am paid to do but rarely for my voluntary work. I don't want gifts for either of my roles but I really appreciate thank yous. It does actually kind of hurt when parents are so unappreciative of all the work that has gone into a weeks pack holiday and weekly meetings. Over the years I have met some really lovely appreciative parents but too many who seem to take it as some kind of right that that I supply an hour and a halves entertainment a week for the princely sum of £1.50. I love the fun of guiding and the experiences on offer for girls and leaders . My brownies enthusiasm and obvious enjoyment of our meetings make it all worthwhile. However a thank you costs nothing and apart from being polite makes volunteers feel appreciated and therefore more willing to carry on for another year.

They have other things on their minds, juggling work, Christmas, children's social commitments, family breakdown, ill health - whatever is going on in their lives that you don't know about. And here you are, whinging about them not doing something you never even asked them to do. Its definitely unreasonable.

I am a Brownie leader. I have juggled work, Christmas, my children, now my third high risk pregnancy, and I can still say thank you to people.

We are real people too with lots on our minds as well!

This.

I more than appreciate that parents have other things on their minds. I'm one of them. On top of my role as Brown Owl, I also have a full-time job, 2 children with more social commitments than you can wave a stick at, and elderly parents to look after.

I did get some cards, presents, and some thank yous this year which was lovely.

Alltheworld - a tin of Roses is perfect. In our unit we have 2 adults and 3 Young Leaders ( and 25 Brownies) so individual presents would be expensive and require some thinking about. We were given a couple of boxes of chocolates and biscuits to share which is ideal. We will be holding our planning meeting after Christmas so the chocs and biccies will go down a treat whilst we spend several hours planning next term's programme.

They have other things on their mind. A thank you takes about 2 seconds to say. I'm no one is tgat busy, where they can't utter 2 words

They have other things on their minds, juggling work, Christmas, children's social commitments, family breakdown, ill health - whatever is going on in their lives that you don't know about

And so do the leaders. I'm an assistant cub leader, we have a fab pack of cubs, but this year there was not one Christmas card from any cub or parent. One solitary parent remembered to say Merry Christmas.

I do appreciate that parents have many things going on in their lives - I know, I'm a parent too - most of the leaders are. But if you've got time to take your children to and from clubs, surely you've got 20 seconds to say 'thanks and merry Christmas'

dd has been a rainbow, a brownie and is now a guide. I've always got her to write Christmas cards for the leaders, and also thank you cards after camps and for the last meeting before the summer holidays. I'm not always good at keeping track of how many leaders/regular volunteers there are so we just get a big tub of chocolates for them to share. If she dares to moan about camp eg leaders sitting around while the girls did the washing up, I always remind her that they are volunteers who have given up their whole weekend for her and her friends.

Guiding and Scouting leaders do it because they enjoy it, but that doesn't mean that it isn't bloody hard work at times and they certainly deserve to be shown a bit of appreciation by both children and parents.

I sent some biscuits and I always thank them. They are amazing and a lesson in excellent communication. My mum and dad were youth leaders and I saw how they were treated over the years.

I totally agree with you and I think it is shameful that people fawn over teachers who are paid to do their jobs yet happily forget about all the volunteers who do much and so willingly.

I wonder if it is a change in cultural attitudes over the years? I was a Cub Leader for over 30 years and I can remember - about 20 years ago - coming home from the Christmas party evening with 20+ small gifts and cards, the same after Summer camps - but gradually we tended to get less and less genuine thanks and more and more hassle and complaints.

Thank you to the Op, and all the other volunteers, for everything you do.

Sometimes, when I've had a really hard camp (Rain, wet beds, zero sleep, homesickness, problems with the activities etc) the only thing that makes me come back for more is a little cub saying thank you and skipping off to Mum to bend her ear about what an amazing time he or she has had.
Those two words are worth the world to me.

My dd leaves brownies at Easter so this thread has inspired me to get all 3 leaders a card and some small gift. I've helped a few times myself which has always been fun.
Thanks costs nothing I thank our leaders after every session if I catch their eye. They are usually rushing around getting girls organised.

A few people in this thread are VERY rude indeed.

I think it is shameful that people fawn over teachers who are paid to do their jobs yet happily forget about all the volunteers who do much and so willingly
Compare the hours teachers put in, with those of volunteers. Compare the level of skill and years of training...

I have mixed feelings about this.

When dd was a brownie, I always did cards and presents at Christmas/end of school year/after trips etc. I think it's absolutely right that we express our thanks to those who help us, whether they are paid or not, and it's important that dd should learn to show gratitude to those who make a difference in her life, however small.

Having said that, I've also been a volunteer, and while it's very nice to be thanked, I don't think we should expect it or complain if the thanks aren't forthcoming. If you volunteer, do it because you want to, and because you get something out of it for yourself - even if that's just the joy of knowing that you're making a difference. That was always enough for me.

Bloody hell...DCs are expected to thank their sports coaches (unpaid volunteers too) at the end of every session.. DH and I will drop a bottle of wine for each coach tomorrow. I would hope that most parents and children appreciate the time volunteers give. , and for you.

And timleytess we teachers are paid

YANBU. I am quite surprised that parents don't give you anything as brownie/beaver etc volunteers in my area certainly always get quite a few Christmas presents and/or cards.

I'm not sure if everyone "fawns" over teachers. When my children were at primary school I didn't get all the teachers presents. It depended on how much my children liked them. At secondary they don't get any presents from pupils..

you get something out of it for yourself - even if that's just the joy of knowing that you're making a difference. That was always enough for me.

I think historically you volunteered because it makes you a better person and the best thanks was knowing that you made a difference. Now too many people do it for the difference you make to others and expect to be thanked. It's the wrong way round.

If you don't enjoy, it dont do it. The best leaders need scouting and guiding as much as scouting and guiding need them.

Don't compare yourself to teachers. Teachers can and do make a massive difference in your child's life's every day if the term. Children don't come to guides and scouts for you to make a difference to their lifes, they come for fun.

Lead

Timely what an absolutely awful attitude you have. It takes all sorts to make the world go round, Im glad Im bringing my children up to have manners because showing your appreciation is an example of this.

I'm a teacher and a brownie leader. On brownie night, my 2 young children and I are not in the house from before 8 am to nearly 8:30 pm. In the 20 minutes from nursery/school pick up we sit in the car outside our venue because it's not worth going home for 5 minutes before heading out again.

I get to know my brownies much better than my students. I spend more time with them in the week, plus extra events and pack holidays. Brownies is fun time that allows them to open up more than the chance they get in the classroom.

Some parents are lovely and say thank you frequently which is appreciated by the team. Our Facebook page helps with that. However some are very quick to raise hell when little flossie has suffered some petty disappointment.

I volunteer because on balance it is enjoyable, and I'm returning an investment that others once put into me that has enhanced my life. It is still tiring and often inconvenient to my family life (thinks of walking around on a brownie trip away with a breast pump up my uniform to avoid mastitis as I couldn't take baby on the residential).

There is a lot of beurocracy behind the scenes, and thanks from the parents and childrengoes a long way to reminding voluntarily helpers that it is worth it.

Fwiw OP I think you do make a difference to children's lives...and, as a teacher myself, I think you made a valid point about teachers.

Timely what an absolutely awful attitude you have
Not at all. I'm practical and honest, and I see clearly.

Well you would say that wouldnt you Timely..... but I dont respect the view of someone who doesn't have the manners to take on board how nice a show of appreciation would be for another human being. Its not about expecting a thank you, a present, a card - but what it means.

If you don't enjoy, it don't do it I know of several leaders who no longer enjoy it. Unfortunately this is mostly because of the very poor attitude of some parents. It's also because they are getting older, and it's bloody hard work. But they carry on because we are short of leaders. The number of children wanting to join scouts is constantly on the rise, packs/troops have waiting lists. But the number of volunteers is falling. If the leaders left, the packs/troops would close.

I enjoy being an assistant leader. But I still think it would nice to be appreciated, and actually I don't think it's wrong to hope that some people might take time to say thanks. I always ensure that my kids say thanks to their leaders and football coaches at the end of each and every session. It only takes a moment, and it means a lot to the coaches.

Don't compare yourself to teachers. Teachers can and do make a massive difference in your child's life's every day if the term. Children don't come to guides and scouts for you to make a difference to their lifes, they come for fun

Of course the kids come for fun, nothing is forcing them to come (except possibly parents in some cases!) and if they didn't enjoy it then there's no point in doing it. But to say that scouts doesn't make a difference to a child's life just shows that you don't really know what scouts is about, what makes it different to, for instance, a youth club.

As a teacher I am being paid for the hours I spend working. As a volunteer I also spend many many hours preparing and working with the girls. The amount of work behind the scenes that is involved in running a Brownie Pack would I think amaze people. Guiders also do a lot of training and have to take qualifications. All many of us are asking for is a quick thank you. You are being very nasty.

I personally would scale back on what you are doing OP. 3 hours to plan one meeting sounds like madness, I don't even spend three hours planning the whole term. They're only little kids, it's the simple things that keep them happy. We meet for 75 minutes each week, and honestly I can put together an evening in less than 20 minutes thought and we haven't had any complaints.

I will admit that the extra stuff takes time, the weekend events in particular, and I can see how emails and websites can take some time but I don't really spend any time keeping up to date with scouting, I just read the magazine when it comes through, have a nose at the email updates when I get them but it's really hardly anything at all. And the extra weekend events are maybe twice a year? Not that much of a time commitment overall.

I would agree with the PP who said if you don't enjoy it then don't do it. I do it because it's fun. It's lovely to get a thank you, but it does sound as though you are doing too much and maybe that's why you are expecting more out of it.