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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Hope For A Little Appreciation From Beavers Parents

177 replies

chowhound · 22/12/2015 18:49

The one big thing in my life right now is leading my Colony of Beaver Scouts. I really throw myself into it as do the rest of the Leader team.

Now, even though it's Christmas, and many parents seem to compete as to who can buy the best Christmas present for their PAID teachers, we volunteers on the other hand expect nothing at all. And boy do we get it.

I don't want gifts, I don't even want cards (although both are very great fully received, especially if it's something the child has made themselves). However, a thank you and maybe some feedback on what they and their DC feel about what we have done over the year would be nice. Failing that a smile and a 'merry Christmas'?

You know what I got this year? Nothing. Not a single card, not a single thank you, not a single seasons greeting. Barely even an acknowledgement that I was there,

Maybe I should make it a new year resolution to pack it in. The other leader and our Section Assistant feel the same. Problem is that our group and District are on a skeleton crew and can't get any stand insurance and none of our parents will make the commitment to be a leader (and I admit it's a big commitment). So, there would be 15 6-7 year old son who would have no Beavers if we did that.

I just would like a little acknowledgement of the work I put in at this time of year.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 22/12/2015 21:35

chowhound

given the dire straits that recruiting teachers is in, have you applied through teach direct (or whatever)?

Depending on your preferred area (and experience) they may make allowances.

alltheworld · 22/12/2015 21:35

Dd started brownies this year...as I only do pick up sometimes and it is rather quick, I genuinely have not worked out who the helpers are or how many..I don't know their real names, except brown owl, they are all something owl. Unlike a class situation, I don't know the other parents so no chance to discuss a group gift. So I got a tin of roses which I don't think is ideal.
If you don't do this already, at the start of next term, why not send a letter clearly setting out who is who, reminding people you are volunteers and setting out what a good deal the subs are.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/12/2015 21:42

Unless you charge appropriate money for something it is 'worthless' apparently. When I worked as a volunteer while doing training the organisation I worked for had to start charging £1 per session or people didn't turn up (to something which is £30 plus on the open market).

I have heard everything through hearing about other volunteers from "they just want to be in the will" (about age concern volunteers) to "they're paedos" (about scout volunteers who used a church as their base), "they're doing it because they're rich" (an intern who lived in his fucking car).

Unless people PAY it is worthless. Not just my opinion, theirs been studies on how little people value 'free' - always thinking theirs an ulterior motive or a catch.

Achooblessyou · 22/12/2015 21:44

YADNBU

I think it's amazing what the scouts, cubs, beavers etc volunteers do on top of often full time jobs. Week in week out, the planning and preparation, weekends away. You are vastly unappreciated by a lot of parents!

I spent slightly more on scouts and cub leaders/second in charges this year than I did on teachers. But there are other helpers and I didn't get them anything. Was slightly embarrassed carrying the pressies in and we seemed to be the only ones Confused

But I for one think you are amazing and the kids will remember what you've done for years to come - I certainly still remember my brown owl and tawny owl!

Here's a virtual pressie to keep you going FlowersChocolateWineGrin

timelytess · 22/12/2015 21:44

God there are some really vile people on here
I take it you meant to be so rude? I'm just stating it as it is. People cannot be expected to know what you want unless you tell them. So tell them and I'm sure they will do their best to comply.

catfordbetty · 22/12/2015 21:44

Can I just say in my view, as a teacher, presents are really not necessary but cards with a personal message are very nice - especially the homemade sort. I keep these and genuinely treasure them. I'm sure this would apply to scout and guide leaders too.

BlueJug · 22/12/2015 21:47

RoseWithoutAThorn
Someone gives you a gift because they like yo, someone holds a door for you out of manners, they offer you a seat on a train because they feel that you need it more, they hep you if you fall, they invite you to dinner...... all because they are nice people and choose to do it. Would you not thank anyone?

"Please" and "thank you" show respect, consideration, mutual understanding about the "rules" of society, (who has a right to what). These social niceties are very, very important. Otherwise we all just get what we believe we are entitled to and only give what we have to to get it. Horrible - and a recipe for fighting.

timelytess · 22/12/2015 21:48

I have a feeling that timely is the sort of parent OP is talking about
Then you are wrong. And MNetty rude. Aren't you big and clever? Well done.

Firstly, no child of mine would be involved in scouting.
Secondly, I am very polite. I met lots of lovely NHS staff today and thanked them all. I thanked the man who has kept me waiting a week for a receipt for a bill I paid, and was lovely to him.
I am a lovely person.
I like that about me.
I also like that you don't know that.

Almostfifty · 22/12/2015 21:51

What is your problem with Scouting Timelytess? I've been involved for over ten years and I have the privilege of knowing I've helped a number of children and young people.

redskybynight · 22/12/2015 21:52

timely people cannot be expected to know what you want unless you tell them

So I should say to my brownie parents "I give up x hours a month voluntarily to run this pack. I don't want gifts but if you could occasionally say "thank you" and acknowledge my presence that would be appreciated"??

BlueJug · 22/12/2015 21:58

But timely you were rude and really not very nice to the OP who was feeling low. Your kids may not be involved with scouting but you will have benefited from volunteers on many occasions throughout your life - without realising maybe. We all do.

Anyway - no point in getting into a spat. I hope that OP feels a bit better.

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 21:59

Lol, I'm sure you are. Maybe the word lifestyle was a bit much!

Normally, a 1 hour meeting would take about 3 hours to plan and prepare (we like to formalise things such as RA and programme checking, also have to buy supplies). I'm also doing a lot of training and practical validation right now, as well as dealing with DBS checks and induction for several new volunteers. Spend about 15 mins each week keeping up to date with changes in Scouting, particularly POR and factsheets. I also manage our website and communications.

We tend to have a monthly leaders meeting. Only takes about an hour.

Have been on a couple of training weekends this year, and have organised 2 sleepovers, several hikes, helped with a district fun day, a district trip, a picnic, helped with a county fun day, St George's day, couple of bag packing fundraisers and Remembrance Sunday.

So, only about 5 hours on an average week (have heard of others spending longer), and hopefully this will decrease when our new volunteers find their feet. It's the weekend stuff that can take time. We are a small but very active group, so it tends to be all hands to pumps. So worth it though.

OP posts:
BrandNewAndImproved · 22/12/2015 22:06

When my ds did beavers we had to volunteer. Every parent had one shift before they swam up to cubs and it was made clear if we didn't help out that once it wouldn't be running anymore.

It made me appreciate going home to a nice quiet house after! They were full of beans! I am quite shit at giving presents but I said thank you at the end of every session whether it was Xmas present not.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/12/2015 22:13

Timelytess - are you really saying that people need to be told to say thank-you to someone who is doing something for them? If I hold a door open for you, do I have to tell you to say thank you?

I thank people who do something for me - whether they are being paid for it or not - and I don't need to be told to do so. I don't think I am anything special - it's how I was brought up - and I find it baffling that there are adults who need to be told to say thank-you, or other adults who think this is normal or acceptable.

summerainbow · 22/12/2015 22:15

Timely
I glad you think are lovely person you have not been on this thread .
As you are a lovely person how many hours a week do you volunteer for?

writingonthewall · 22/12/2015 22:18

Not unreasonable at all. Doesn't everyone know that Beavers/Scout/Brownie leaders are volunteers? I am always effusive in my thanks as I'm in awe of the time they give.

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 22:19

Ooh, forgot district swim gala and District craft day. The gala was great, it tuns out we have a few budding Victoria Adlington in our Colony!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/12/2015 22:24

I think you have conflated a swimmer and a cyclist there - Becky Adlington and Victoria Pendleton. If we genetically splice in a good female runner - Eilidh Child maybe - we have a triathlon!

timelytess · 22/12/2015 22:31

Timely I glad you think are lovely person you have not been on this thread
Not true. I have simply explained how it comes about that people do not show their appreciation .

As you are a lovely person how many hours a week do you volunteer for?
Volunteering is not an essential component of being a lovely person. But as it happens, I have done a significant amount of volunteering in my time.

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 22:34

Oops, lol

OP posts:
Woodhill · 22/12/2015 22:42

Shame OP. I think when ds did Beavers I used to buy gifts and give cards.

Muckymoo71 · 22/12/2015 22:58

Op I would like to say thanks for reminding me to get a present for my kids football manager, if more parents were appreciative then it hopefully will show volunteers that parents do appreciate what others give up. Also think it's bang out of order that people on here have jumped on to whinge, maybe a bit of a guilty complex eh?

Muckymoo71 · 22/12/2015 23:04

I also think the scouts association is absolutely brilliant sadly my kids dropped out after Beavers, through a conflicting timetable. Whats your reason Timely for objecting to scouts?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/12/2015 23:22

YDNBU. I always used to buy for the volunteers. They don't have vto give up their time for my child. I think its down right rude the lack of respect and appreciation some parents have. A box of chocolates from the pound land wouldn't break the bank or even just a card.

DustyCropHopper · 22/12/2015 23:28

YANBU. I always post a thank you to the leaders on the fb page they have when they have done an activity/day out. Periodically get the boys to say thank you, have always thanked them and wished them merry Christmas or happy Easter or happy holiday for the summer. This year, being a little more organised, I got them a tin of chops to share and the boys wrote them a Christmas card that they had designed. Thanks cost nothing and I am well aware they are volunteers!