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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Hope For A Little Appreciation From Beavers Parents

177 replies

chowhound · 22/12/2015 18:49

The one big thing in my life right now is leading my Colony of Beaver Scouts. I really throw myself into it as do the rest of the Leader team.

Now, even though it's Christmas, and many parents seem to compete as to who can buy the best Christmas present for their PAID teachers, we volunteers on the other hand expect nothing at all. And boy do we get it.

I don't want gifts, I don't even want cards (although both are very great fully received, especially if it's something the child has made themselves). However, a thank you and maybe some feedback on what they and their DC feel about what we have done over the year would be nice. Failing that a smile and a 'merry Christmas'?

You know what I got this year? Nothing. Not a single card, not a single thank you, not a single seasons greeting. Barely even an acknowledgement that I was there,

Maybe I should make it a new year resolution to pack it in. The other leader and our Section Assistant feel the same. Problem is that our group and District are on a skeleton crew and can't get any stand insurance and none of our parents will make the commitment to be a leader (and I admit it's a big commitment). So, there would be 15 6-7 year old son who would have no Beavers if we did that.

I just would like a little acknowledgement of the work I put in at this time of year.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SouthWesterlyWinds · 22/12/2015 19:49

I have a bottle of wine for each of the beaver volunteers waiting by my front door for when we go back. The reason they didn't get them before Christmas was because they aren't too hot on the communications and didn't actually let parents know when the end date of beaver term was. There were a few of us milling outside of the scout hut the week after.

Groovee · 22/12/2015 19:52

I'm a brownie leader and a thank you means so much. Some parents don't give a hoot while others more than make up for the others X

JugglingFromHereToThere · 22/12/2015 19:54

Merry Christmas chowhound, glad you're feeling a bit better about things.
And thank-you Thanks

Pilgit · 22/12/2015 19:56

Quadrupel - I'm in the same position. Have had my unit going for 11 years and it's bloody hard work. The parents don't get it. You'd think they'd realise that 1.50 a week per girl isn't enough to pay for the hall, equipment and pay the leaders. Seriously did they not do maths at school?

Manners cost nothing but we are treated like a baby sitting service. They don't get the voluntary nature of it. The whole point is that we are all it in to make something bigger and better - that includes the parents.

Between that and the babying we get (that's a whole other thread - I've had perfectly sensible girls with no additional needs not being allowed by their parents to cross the road without holding hands. The same ones that have unfettered access to the Internet and have taught me a think or 2 about sex) we can't do anything with them! I had one parent tell me off for letting his daughter tend the fire. It was camp. She's a guide. What did he think was going to happen,? He got a polite reply along the lines of - it's camp. One of the chores is making sure we have fire so we can eat hot food. She is perfectly safe around the fire and has learnt a valuable life skill. I've jut used 5 days of annual leave for this - the appropriate response was thank you. (I was so glad she didn't mention the axe work. ...).

I have noticed that parents are getting more precious about their daughters, less appreciative, less supportive and more critical. It's not all parents but it is a significant number. So no YANBU.

catfordbetty · 22/12/2015 19:57

Now, even though it's Christmas, and many parents seem to compete as to who can buy the best Christmas present for their PAID teachers, we volunteers on the other hand expect nothing at all

Sounds as if you should give up the Beavers and take up teaching. There's a shortage, you know, and I think your experience working with young people would make you a strong applicant. Just think of it: a Christmas gift AND a salary. What's not to like?

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 20:10

Catford Bettyhill, I think I might have been a bit U by making the comparison about teachers, as I know how much work they put in behind the scenes and how stressful it can be. Will just take this opportunity to say how great my kids teachers and TAs are, and how much we appreciate their work.

OP posts:
catfordbetty · 22/12/2015 20:13

Fair enough Smile

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 20:14

Thinking about it, I could never give up Scouting. Just too many things that mean too much to me.

Would actually love to get into teaching though. I just can't afford to fully retrain right now, and I narrowly missed the 2:1 needed to do a direct access course (although my 16 years commercial experience might count)

OP posts:
DinoSnores · 22/12/2015 20:15

They have other things on their minds, juggling work, Christmas, children's social commitments, family breakdown, ill health - whatever is going on in their lives that you don't know about. And here you are, whinging about them not doing something you never even asked them to do. Its definitely unreasonable.

I am a Brownie leader. I have juggled work, Christmas, my children, now my third high risk pregnancy, and I can still say thank you to people.

I have some lovely parents but I do definitely have some parents who don't even bother to say hello and thank you after I've run a weekend camp for their daughter, most recently doing it while dealing with morning/all day sickness or the time before that when if I didn't do it with my 4 month old daughter then it would have to be cancelled.

We are real people too with lots on our minds as well!

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/12/2015 20:22

many parents seem to compete as to who can buy the best Christmas present for their PAID teachers, we volunteers on the other hand expect nothing at all.

Please feel free to jump on to the PAID teaching bandwagon, where many PAID teachers get nothing, not even the thanks/appreciation that you seem to think that we get.

EponasWildDaughter · 22/12/2015 20:26

They have other things on their minds, juggling work, Christmas, children's social commitments, family breakdown, ill health - whatever is going on in their lives that you don't know about. And here you are, whinging about them not doing something you never even asked them to do. Its definitely unreasonable.

Sorry to re.quote the above post, but it's logical to assume this one posters opinion is almost certainly not unique and this is so depressing.

Do those who agree with that post routinely walk out without ever thanking a nurse for their treatment? Or a doctor, or the dentist? Shop assistant? Someone who might hold a door open for them?

Jesus it takes less than 3 seconds of your life to say thank you. And these volunteers are people you see weekly, not even in a brief one off situation.

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 20:28

BoneyBackJefferson, if you read the posts above you will notice that I have apologised for making that comparison. If it is not clear enough, I do apologise.

I'm afraid the comment was made at a low moment, and was based on my own private experience of giving what I felt were thoughtful gifts to teacher, TAs and particularly transport escorts.

OP posts:
Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 20:29

You will also note that I would love nothing more than to be in a position to 'jump on the bandwagon'.

OP posts:
starry0ne · 22/12/2015 20:37

I sent a card with Ds. I find it impossible to do presents due to the amount of leaders...Those who bought chocs were shared out to the children at the end...

It doesn't mean I don't appreciate them though

RoseWithoutAThorn · 22/12/2015 20:37

Rosewithoutathorn, I apologise for my obviously poor choice of words/analogy.

Yes it was a very poor choice of words. Teachers have children from 9-3 every day, volunteers have children for a few hours a week. I'm not for one moment saying teachers expect gifts as none I know do. I've been in education for over 20 years and have never met a teacher yet that expected gifts. If you choose to volunteer then that's YOUR choice You CHOOSE to give your time to a voluntary organisation for children. If you expect gifts then say that to parents when they sign their children up. In my view, people don't volunteer for presents at Christmas. Teachers also don't choose a career for gifts. Lots of parents don't say "thank you for teaching my child", likewise, many parents don't thank volunteers.

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 20:55

Bloody hell, ever wish you could un-say something!

Look, I get it. I am a parent myself. I have 2 kids at primary school and an older child who attends a SILC.

My comment was based on the attitude that I have recently had to deal with from somebody involved in his care. Look, we appreciate everything you do and volunteer when we can and are allowed to (much of the time the door is slammed in our face) and when somebody in a position of trust throws your thanks back at you it fucking hurts. Right, just to be clear...

ONCE MORE, I APOLOGISE FOR ANY OFFENCE CAUSED TO EDUCATORS. THIS WAS WRONG OF ME AND WAS INFLUENCED BY MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF A DIFFICULT SITUATION AND I WOULD DEARLY LOVE TO JOIN YOUR RANKS.

Truth be told, I would jump at the opportunity to spend several hours a day with my Beavers. They are all little stars.

OP posts:
BlueJug · 22/12/2015 20:58

I have always volunteered, schools, teaching refugees, CAB, Crisis, church things, homeless meals. I do it because it makes society work, if we all give a bit when we can so much more can be done.

My kids have benefited from volunteers, (Brownies, after schools clubs, a choirmaster, a football team). I have given of my skills, others have given of theirs. I can't teach singing or run a choir, I am useless with large groups of kids - but I AM good in other situations; situations that other people can't handle. If we all do a bit and all appreciate how much we and our kids are gaining from this the worl is a better place.

My DB runs a football team. Every weekend. He rarely gets a thankyou from parents, and never an offer of help, and yet the kids love, love, love it!! This will more than likely be his last season. It is just too much. Many 7-12 years old will find themselves with nothing to do on a Saturday morning it will be a huge loss.

Original poster
chowhound · 22/12/2015 20:58

Correct, I choose to volunteer, and I of couse can choose to stop volunteering (not that I will).

Also, I don't particularly want gifts or cards. I never said that. Just a thank you and a merry Christmas would be nice. Which is what I will leave you with, rose et al.

OP posts:
BlueJug · 22/12/2015 21:01

chowhound - Thank you - and Merry Christmas. People like you do make the world go round and the kids will remember it.

Damselindestress · 22/12/2015 21:04

I think it's awful that you didn't even get a thank you or a merry christmas from the parents of your Beaver Scouts group! Those are just basic courtesies I extend to everyone I interact with, such as shop assistants, the postman etc, so I'm suprised they wouldn't say it to someone who helps their children! It must be upsetting not be acknowledged but try and focus on the children. If they seem to appreciate the activities then I would carry on for now but consider your own well being too, it can be very draining feeling you are working hard for no reward or for people who are rude to you.

Geraniumred · 22/12/2015 21:05

I think that is why we do work with children Blue, paid or unpaid- we are contributing something special to their childhood.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 22/12/2015 21:19

I think that is why we do work with children Blue, paid or unpaid- we are contributing something special to their childhood.

Exactly, and no-one needs a "thank you" for it.

theycallmemellojello · 22/12/2015 21:22

Ehh - do people really thank others at Christmas? I get that giving teachers/work staff Christmas gifts is a sign of appreciation - but I would never just thank someone at Christmas. I've never been thanked at Christmas either. I'm not sure this is a thing that occurs to people - I therefore don't think it's rude if they don't do it.

I also think the fewer gifts thing might be due to kids not forming much of a personal bond with the brownie/scout leaders - it's a couple of hours once a week, very different from a teacher. I do agree that a gift would be a nice gesture though - when my DS is old enough I'll definitely remember.

LillyBugg · 22/12/2015 21:28

I'm a beaver leader and a thank you does go a long way, I hear you OP. I'm interested though why you think it's such a lifestyle change and costs so much of your time? I run a colony with one other lady and I can honestly say while yes it costs time, it's really not that much time? Not a dig...just wondering what you're doing that takes so much time. Maybe I'm not beaver leadering to my full potential?

FanDabbyFloozy · 22/12/2015 21:31

YANBU

My kids have benefited hugely from two volunteer activities in the past year. At the end of one, I was literally the only person who gave a card, much less chocs. At my kids' brownies we were again the only ones who gave anything at xmas.

Honestly I don't think people think of volunteers for a second..

FWIW I have never got a present at work but am paid to do my job. That's the big difference between volunteers and paid employment, be that as teachers or anything else.