Giving to charity instead of sending cards - good idea or cop out?

[m0therofdragons]

A close relative emailed today saying he's not doing Christmas cards and will give the money to charity instead. I'm actually a bit miffed. To me, Christmas cards that I post are to say to those people "I may not see you in my everyday life but I still care about you and think of you and you're worth the effort and cost." This relative used to be close but circumstances have changed and we've drifted so it feels like he's pulling further away. I'm also annoyed for my elderly grandmother as he won't be sending her one either and he's asked me to let her know as she doesn't have email. Most of her friends are dead and she's always supported him with generous gifts and her time and a card would matter to her.
I'm not saying charities aren't deserving but I can manage to give to charity and send a few cards to those I love.
I can understand it for people you see regularly as I've said merry Christmas to my friends so not sending a card wouldn't matter as I can show them my love for them in other ways.
It just feels like a showy off "aren't I good" type gesture when actually it's a bit crap.
Iabu? Are Christmas cards a thing of the past?

Well said Oneowl last time I checked this was an open forum for discussion, obviously some comments and posters have disagreed with some other posters action, not judgy or presumptuous just opinions.

I stopped (mostly) sending cards a few years ago when it seemed that they were going to be held to ransom by the poor industrial relations in Royal Mail. I don't care who was in the wrong; between them they lost my business.

I give a donation to the charity I used to buy them from, and buy half a dozen in one of the shops which spring up during Advent selling many charities' cards; those are for six people who I want to stay in touch with and have not got email. Two of them sent cards back saying that they now have email - so next year it will be four.

I can see them disappearing down the plughole in ten or fifteen years from now.

I/we (as a family) make charitable donations all year round, not just at Christmas - on behalf of friends participating in charity events, to large organisations that we believe in and have supported for decades, etc etc etc. This is really important and personally meaningful to us. I would never dream of announcing those donations on FB!
I also did proper Christmas cards for decades, but for the last couple of years I have sent electronic Christmas cards (judge me all you want - but they require less time and are arguably kinder to the environment). This allows me to maintain contact with friends we don't see enough as we are all scattered to the four corners of the earth.

I don't like this sort of thing. If you donate to charity do it quietly or not at all.

I spent £90 on postage last year. I just can't afford that this year. Everyone who has email/Facebook got a message from me. I didn't post I was going to donate to charity because I won't be donating the equivalent amount, just what I can spare. DH is very anti cards, thinks it's a bonkers tradition, so I just sent to elderly relatives. Must admit it was much less stress!

This idea that giving Christmas cards is some intrinsically positive action needs to stop. It's neither good nor bad, it's just a thing that some people do. We all have our habits. Some people who receive cards really enjoy getting them, others find them to be a nuisance. I don't believe anyone chooses their stance based on what other people think, either. Odds are we all know someone who adores getting cards and we all know someone who thinks they're a pointless waste of time. People just choose their stance and justify it, perhaps even moralise, accordingly.

I can quite see why those who send them don't want to feel judged for not giving the money to charity, wasting resources etc. After all, that's true of a lot of unnecessary activities people engage in, so anyone objecting to Christmas cards on that basis should apply the same standards across the board. Or just be quiet. But the same holds true for people who are arrogant enough to think their ways of keeping in touch are superior and those who have different ways of doing things are somehow remiss. Believe me, both lots of you sound like dick cheeses.

Dick cheese back at ya.

Easier than trying to justify it I suppose. But really, if people could just deal with the fact that some people have different ways of keeping in touch and views about the desirability of various methods, that would be super duper.

I was trying to figure out why it annoyed me so much. I think it's the history with this relative, the lack of thought for my grandmother and the timing. my cousin said the same a couple of years ago and I didn't bat an eyelid. Telling people a few days before Christmas just feels like he forgot. A message back in November may have annoyed me less. He also has a way of writing that tends to irritate me. He used to be so lovely and a big part of our family but sadly he lost his wife and remarried and he's changed so much.

I'm not judging others - those who've had terrible family deaths or can't afford cards, you absolutely shouldn't feel guilty. I'm judging my relative as I have much more background info and I find his actions personal and upsetting.

Did you tell him to sod off expecting you to pass on messages he doesn't feel like delivering himself OP?

It's unacceptable for your relative to expect you to do his dirty work.

Going against the grain here but I like writing and receiving Christmas cards, I enjoy reading the messages from distant family and friends. I buy charity cards directly from the charity and make a donation at the same time, so it isn't a case of one or the other.

VulcanWoman at least 'thoughtless' and 'couldn't give a shit' are your honest opinion. Completely wrong, mind - I care a great deal about my friends and think about them a lot - I Evan do actual helpful things when they need help rather than sending an meaningless piece of card,but whatever, if you think that is what matters, yeah, I'm thoughtless and couldn't give a shit. How fucking arrogant can you get?

I think it's a cop out! It's that time of year again when all the Facebook posts are appearing about people giving money to charity instead of doing Christmas cards...how much are these people actually donating to charity?! I don't think it's enough to warrant letting a Christmas tradition die out! You can buy a box of 30 cards for 99p from the card factory. Or better still you can buy charity christmas cards for a couple of quid. Most charities do them now. I give all my cards out when I see people to save on postage costs where possible and then for distant relatives / friends I pay for postage (usually about £5). I get annoyed when I give cards to people and they tell me I won't be getting one back as "they give to charity instead" - this implies I do not give to charity! I do, I just don't see why me choosing to give to charity should be a sacrifice to my friends and family nor do I feel the need to tell all my friends and family that I am giving to charity! Cutting out Christmas cards is forcing everyone else to miss out of something so you can give to charity. I prefer to make personal sacrifices that don't affect other people, e.g. I buy Prosecco instead of Champagne! I'm a single mum with 3 kids so not rolling in it myself - I guess people just have different priorities! It also annoys me as a lot of these people have relatives / friends that are elderly and / or who find Christmas a difficult time for whatever reason who would appreciate receiving a card to let them know people are thinking of them. Charity begins at home and all that!!! I just think you can do both, whatever your budget. Donating to charity doesn't even need to involve cash, it could be time, food, an extra Christmas gift!