Giving to charity instead of sending cards - good idea or cop out?

[m0therofdragons]

A close relative emailed today saying he's not doing Christmas cards and will give the money to charity instead. I'm actually a bit miffed. To me, Christmas cards that I post are to say to those people "I may not see you in my everyday life but I still care about you and think of you and you're worth the effort and cost." This relative used to be close but circumstances have changed and we've drifted so it feels like he's pulling further away. I'm also annoyed for my elderly grandmother as he won't be sending her one either and he's asked me to let her know as she doesn't have email. Most of her friends are dead and she's always supported him with generous gifts and her time and a card would matter to her.
I'm not saying charities aren't deserving but I can manage to give to charity and send a few cards to those I love.
I can understand it for people you see regularly as I've said merry Christmas to my friends so not sending a card wouldn't matter as I can show them my love for them in other ways.
It just feels like a showy off "aren't I good" type gesture when actually it's a bit crap.
Iabu? Are Christmas cards a thing of the past?

I only send a few cards and email or text everyone else. I don't need to give anyone blurb about giving to charity, saving the environment or anything. I just do it.

I do recycle cards people send to me, making them into gift tags or whatever the following year.

I think it's a cop out. Because you can buy cards from a charity - whether it's the RNLI, Donkey Sanctuary, whatever charity you "approve" of - and that way both support the charity and send cards.

I enjoy sending cards and enjoy receiving cards. I do think for a lot of people they just can't be arsed with what they perceive as a time-consuming chore because they are now so used to texts and emails, the idea of sitting down and spending a couple of hours writing cards seems boring. I know the cost of postage is what it is, but for a lot of people, those who live alone or live far away from friends and family, receiving cards is a big part of Xmas.

I can't be arsed with Christmas cards. The handful of people I know who might be lonely at Christmas, and whom I can't visit myself, I send a little present through the tax dodgers. The rest have either stopped doing cards themselves, or won't miss one fewer when I don't send one.

Interesting views....it's true, I cant be arsed to write Christmas cards, but its equally true that I love my friends and family, so I contact them the way I can (email/text/fb) so they know I'm thinking of them. Its also true that I donate to charities through the year when I can, AND in lieu of cards that I don't want to write. If that makes me a cop out...well I'm ok with that.

If some people think I'm copping out then that's fine - I really couldn't give a shit. The most important thing is that charities across the world benefit from us copper outers (although I also donate the rest of the year).

No one else gives a shit that you "cop out" either, apart perhaps from the people who would otherwise have received your cards. But maybe they don't give a shit either so it's win win win. I'm not putting up Christmas decorations this year and I'm going to give the money to charity.

It seems on from this thread that there are plenty of people who actually get very upset about people 'copping out' and then explaining why, and imagine all sorts of things about why they think that might be. Odd.

It's up to you. Some of the people on here who are not sending cards sound so miserable it's probably a relief not to get a card from them anyway.

I know it's up to me.

People who get upset by others who don't send Christmas cards but who give to charity instead haven't got into the true spirit of the event. It'd be a relief not to have them on my list.

I thought you didn't have a list

Why did you think that?

I'll explain in my card.

Don't bother. Make a donation to a charity instead.

I actually think the real reason is that people cannot be bothered to tear themselves away from their screens for one evening and just sit with a pen, an address book and their own brains for company. In the same way that no-one writer letters any more, they'd rather just update Facebook than make a one to one connection with other people.

I find myself nodding. The art of writing will be lost in the next generation or two. Birthday cards can be subbed for Facebook. Christmas cards by a blanket JustGiving email, Letters by Facebook Messenger. It's nice to be in touch more with relatives overseas and those hard-to-see friends, but it's sad that the need to use handwriting is fading away.

The price of stamps, though... That hasn't helped.

It's a cop out! I think you could do both. I like getting cards, it shows that you're thinking of others, but I don't give people them if I see them every day.

Charities benefit from me as a card sender too, I donate to Crisis, buy charity cards (directly) and save all my used stamps for charity afterwards, it's not one or the other. I don't get upset at not receiving a card but love it when I do. For me it would be a sad day if they died out altogether, however it doesn't look like happening any time soon, so that's good.

Agree Who - it also raises the profiles of smaller charities. One of my team mates made a donation to a small local charity I'd never heard of...I looked them up and as a result will make a donation to them too, their work is amazing.

Yes, I try and choose cards from charities that don't have shops on my High Street, generally ones supporting illnesses that have affected my family (stroke, Parkinsons, CF). Also the local hospice that, like you SirChenjin, I hadn't heard of till someone at work said they were supporting them. I also like the cosy evening with a pile of cards and a fountain pen, my address book and my card list book, which have both been in use for many years and are a part of Christmas I'd hate to miss.

Me too Who. I have my close friends and family who get cards (from my chosen charities) and I have a wider set of acquaintances and work colleagues who get the 'I've made a donation to X in lieu of cards, have a wonderful Christmas and New Year' email or FB message, and which I also get from them. I like it - it's a great way of keeping in touch and I get to nosey at the causes they support

The charities I give too tend to be ones that don't have Christmas cards. One being a charity run by a good friend that's very small, but does invaluable work for a childhood killer. Of course if you choose to do both that's great. As is if you want to send cards. I just choose not too. Horses for courses.

Horses for courses

Exactly - couldn't agree more.

I don't get upset if people choose to give to charity or choose not to send me a Christmas card. I just don't see the 2 events as remotely comparable. If someone sees sending me a Christmas card as a purely financial transaction then I'd rather they didn't bother.

You're basically being ridiculous except for two points. One, you're right to be pissed off at him expecting you to be his messenger. While his attitude to cards is preferable to yours, that doesn't mean you have to communicate on his behalf. And two, you're right that they're increasingly becoming a thing of the past.