To have finally put my niece in her place after taunting my daughter for what she wears?

[CharlotteY1]

I have a ten year old Dd and an 8 almost 9 year old niece. For a while now when have vsisted my SiL's house or been on a day out together my niece takes it upon herself to carefully "assess" what my dd is wearing and if she doesn't like it then she doesn't hide it.

My Dd is quite a sensitive child and whilst she can usually brush off any teasing she is now sick of her cousin constantly scrutinising what she wears and making fun of her. I've had words with my SiL about this in the past but she just brushes it off sayid that she will "have words with her" but still it continues.

Well today we have been out for our annual Christmas meal, my Dd was dressed lovely yet as per my niece decided to have digs at her telling her that she looks stupid and that's not how her fiends dress. My SiL was sat right next to my niece and then my Dd next to her so she would have heard what she was saying, yet she chose to ignore it. My niece carried on and by this point my Dd was almost in tears so I decided to say something. I told my niece that at least my Dd dresses for her age, she wears clothes that are comfortable and stylish instead of walking round in belly tops and leggings with her backside hanging out! Now you can guess that after blatantly ignoring her dd calling my dd my SiL happened to hear what I had to say didn't she?.....well she wasn't happy. But you know what.....tough, why should I let my not so darling niece ridicule for my dd yet again who by the way dresses lovely usually wearing smart skinny jeans with jewelled tops, body warmer, and smart hi tops, or gorgeous skirt top sets etc. She doesn't walk round looking like she's a teenager like my 8 year old niece does flashing her arse and belly, so Aibu for finally saying something? My Dh doesn't think I am as he's admitted his niece is a little madam but maybe I could have timed it better.

Basically, the niece needed calling out for behaving like a bully, not for being in a bad position to criticise your dd's clothes because her own taste is crap and shows her backside to the world!

OP, what was the reaction on nieces face when you said that.

well done, she needed telling

I get where you are coming from op and so what, sounds like she needs a harsh telling off as clearly your sil doesn't care, plus you need to stand up for your dd. Next time maybe get the sil and niece in another room to deal with it.

I get it felt good to say! Don't worry about it.

OP, what was the reaction on nieces face when you said that.

What are you hoping for, vulcan?

Yabu. Yes she needed telling, but appropriately. All you have done is criticise the way she dresses so you're just as bad. She's still a child. You should be more than capable of telling her off without making personal attacks.

I'm on the fence here.

YABU. Not only have you taught your dd that it's acceptable to take the piss out of girls arses and bellies, you've pretty much confirmed to your DN that she is right and her views that your dd dresses young are true.

What's wrong with saying 'DN, wind your neck in, you're being rude' rather than say her arse is hanging out?

Regardless of whether people agree or disagree with what the OP said to her niece I find it incredibly sad that more thought to the bullies feelings has been expressed than the victim.

boopsy

So you're ok with the OP doing to her niece exactly what she was criticising her for doing to her DD? When there are so many more mature and measured responses on here that would have avoided her stooping to the level of personal insults? Right.

Someone asked me how I knew OP's daughter was dressed nicely. Well she gave a description which sounds nice to me. Decent for the bairn's age.

On the other hand, the cousin well, she sounds like she's dressed a bit older than her time. Just my opinion. I'm allowed it.

OP I hear that you have told this pair before, probably in the manner described by many on this thread. And it didn't work did it? Some on the thread aren't getting that. That's why you got a bit firmer. Because you were sick and tired of your DD being picked on by this little loosely parented child. Well maybe she'll shut her gob now.

If she doesn't, just don't bother with them again or tell your DD that on the once a year occasion you have to see them (to keep peace in the family) to ignore everything single word the cousin says because she is jealous. Then your daughter can go and play with her nice friends afterwards.

Rhonda what do you think I'm hoping for.

I have no idea, hence why I asked

I can fully understand why the OP did what she did, but she asked if she was unreasonable to have done it, not whether it was understandable. She was unreasonable and she knows it, as she more or less admitted as much during this thread. She did what her own dd didn't feel able to do because she has taught her dd not to behave like that herself!

The OP talks about "pputting her niece in her place". Of course she's a bully! She is an adult. call her out on her behaviour, fair enough. Resort to hurling insults at her, not on.

So people are saying the op is a bully yet there are some right bullying posts on here to her!
Pot, kettle.
So many posts about the poor dn yet only odd one or two for op's dd?
Why do her feelings not matter?
Some people have even had the bloody gall to blame her!
So much for not victim shaming!
I'm not going to have a go op, you may not have gone about it the right way but i can understand you snapped.
It's horrible when your kids are bullied.
Maybe it will have been a wakeup call for the dn.
Yes she maybe a child, it does not mean children of that age can't be nasty.

People are saying the OP has bullied an 8 year old child.

Pointing that out, adult to adult, is not bullying.

Normally I would never ever be unkind in speaking to someone else's child and I never have. Every once in a blue moon though I think a bully, however young like your niece, does need to hear her own unkind words back towards herself to understand how your daughter felt so many times at her hand.

Given that you've tried to resolve it many times previously by talking to your sil about it which was the right thing and it kept happening over and over again, I believe your niece wouldn't have listened to a kind reprimand.

You stood up for your daughter, in front of her, your daughter will always remember that you did that, also explain to her why you were harsh, but something tells me your daughter, who has been so patient and never lashed back, will understand that very rarely, it is necessary, for the bully's sake as well as the victim's.

And you know what? I bet your niece never bullies your daughter again.

I agree with littleBeautyBelle...

Your sis wasn't bothered or dealing with it, your neice was getting away with unacceptable behaviour tht wasn't in retaliation to anything, just being done purely out of nastiness.

you gave her a taste of her own medicine which is what she deserves and your dd needed to see some one sticking up for her.

your dd hasn't doneanything wrong, your neice has, and that's why I agree with what you've done.

i'd also tell her mumthat you're notintereted in meeting up until your neices can apologise and start behaving, if anyone says you need to apologise, just point outyou were dealing with a bullym, yourneice is a bully, that's what teh apology is needed for.