To be really quite fucked off about the fact that I am currently miscarrying an having to look after DSD

[Emmawemmawoowah]

I'm fuming, livid in fact.

I'm bleeding heavily, have thrown up twice this morning in front of DD and DSD and am having cramps.

DSD (7) hasn't let DP get close to me all weekend. She can't stand anyone else having his attention but herself, it usually doesn't bother me so much but at the moment I'm in need of that affection and struggling to bite my tongue.

They are both currently fighting as I'm writing on here, I'm trying to put my feet up, DP is out at work and I'm pretty mad that I've been left with both of them if I'm really honest. DSD has pushed DD (2) on to a table, she's caught her eye and bruised it so she's been crying hysterically an as a result DSD had a screaming fit because DD was getting attention off me.

I'm really struggling today, I just want to be on my own with DD. Is that understandable?

I usually look after DSD for most of the time he's here and she's usually always pretty demanding but my mood is low and I'm really hurting and struggling today.

OP you and your DD deserve so much better.

*DSD has just spat in my face. DP didn't discipline her. I told her to go to her room she screamed and refused.

DP has just told me that he will sort her out in future!!*

If I were you, OP, I'd be going on strike. I know you're vulnerable and not in the mood for a fight right now, but I really hope you have a serious talk with him about his DSD.

If you are still bleeding now, and still passing clots, please call 111 and ask them if you need an ambulance

I didn't have any cramps with my 2nd MC, but I did nearly bleed to death (seriously!) take your health seriously and just get to hospital. Do can sort himself out.

She really is turning into a spoilt little cow and it's all curtesy of DP and his ex DP.

I can see what the lack of discipline and giving into her all the time is doing to her and she's going to have a hard time as an adult when she realises life doesn't always go her way

I second a strike, and seriously. Spell it out for him ... write it down. You agree to x hours of looking after DSD a week (0 hours if necessary), he will put DD to bed every other night including bath on a tuesday/daily/etc and teeth brushed. He hoovers every other week, does the washing up alternate days, Etc etc. Make it damn clear to him!

It's not a strike because it's not all the OP's job. He just needs to do his bit.

OP honestly what does he do for you ?

How was he when you were pregnant ?

Why do you keep having children with this sexist twat?

Well the spoilt little cow isn't going anywhere - she will be part of your life forever more.

I think I'd leave the arsehole DP. That fixes two or possibly 3 probs in one go.

He's probably well made up at how he's effectively checked out of life bar his job. It always amazes me that any woman would ever go with a man like this. I can't believe he's treated you like this when you are going through this. How disrespectful and cruel.

It's not a strike because it's not all the OP's job. He just needs to do his bit.

Thank you for that obvious bit of pedantry. It's clear the DP DOES consider it to be all her work, and she's been doing ALL the work, so therefore it is going on strike until he realises he needs to help and support her.

Better?

I must say, I'm wondering how he would deal with his DSD if you weren't around, OP. I'm assuming he wants a continuing relationship with her, and if so, he needs to step up and arrange his life so that he can give her a decent amount of attention when she visits.

Thank you for the snittiness, darth. I was making a point about how the DP probably sees the OP's role, not being a pedant.

I honestly dot think he could cope if it wasn't for me. He struggles to read and write although I have been helping him with this.

He had a pretty shit childhood, his dad died before he was born and his mum did nothing short of neglect him, his brother and his sister. He's never been taught life skills but he is better now than he was when I met him believe it or not.

Not that a shit childhood gives him any sort of excuse for being a shit and thinking the world revolves around him.

OH OP, I was thinking this and feel harsh but am going to say it anyway..

Why do you keep having children with this sexist twat?

I don't often leap into LTB-land but you MUST get over this awful MC and take a step back, start using contraceptives and think really fucking hard if you want to spend the rest if you life with this man. as its a hell of allot easier to untangle yourself with 1 child, than 2

he wont change, his MIL wont change- they will grind you down and down , and down even more-

fucking me, if he cant care for you and his DD when you are miscarrying when will he???? does he think you are fucking livestock too?

wishing you the best

You should definitely ring the EPAU, I'll share what happened to me:

I had massive amounts of heavy bleeding, clots as big as my fist (apologies, that's quite tmi), cramps and felt horrendous at about 6 weeks pregnant.

I went to hospital, in an ambulance - but as it was Saturday, there wasn't a sonographer to be found. I was examined and the doctor basically said that yes, I was having a miscarriage. They booked me into the EPAU for the Monday morning to check, and by some miracle there was still a tiny little sack there, with what appeared to be a little heartbeat.

That little heartbeat is now 4.5 years old! (fwiw - we never got to the bottom of the bleeding, but it happened every 4 weeks for the entire prengnancy)

Firstly with regard to your MC. You don't need to see your GP but you do need to have a scan at the early pregnancy unit to ensure that your body has cleared everything out (if not you may need an ERPC).

Secondly, once this is over I would take this as a sign and an opportunity to take stock. I notice that you say DP not DH, so I assume you're not married. That's something I guess. Does this man bring anything positive to your life at all it does he just drag you down? Because it all sounds utterly miserable to the extent that I can't imagine life would be worse as a single mum. And please don't try for another baby. But really - I think you and your DD need to get out, either temporarily or for good.

Are any of us able to help you in a practical way? Like giving you a little TLC, cooking for you or taking you into hospital? I'm in Scotland.

OP, I am horrified like so many others but the first priority is your health and care for your little dd.

Oh sweetheart, this isn't something you just have to accept.

Do you have anyone who can take care of you? Mum, sister, close friend? You desperately need to rest, and you really should be checked by a medical professional. In my experience of miscarriage, the HCP generally want to scan / check you after a MC so that you don't have future problems (sorry, I'm trying to phrase it as delicately as possible because I understand how upsetting it is.)

If it were me, I think I'd be asking a friend or compassionate relative to come with me to out of hours GP while DP looks after the children. They should have the ability to refer you on should you need it.

I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry that your partner is such an incompetent neglectful arse.

I am really sorry for your loss, please get medical attention asap. However, I feel really sorry for dsd in all this mess. She is herself a child who appears not to be a fully fledged part of this family and her own mum is incommunicado and grandma doesn't care sufficiently to come and help occupy both her grandchildren.

Shocking

This is all so very sad and totally changeable. You have to want to change things though.

I think you should ltb.

I had a huge bleed with clots at 14 weeks, he's now shouting at his brother in the other room

Another vote for a scan x

Emma... Firstly

This isn't meant to be harsh but please please take stock of your relationship when you feel able/ready.

Whether he had a bad childhood or not, your duty of care is to yourself and your children. You must ensure they have a good childhood otherwise the cycle will repeat. Never bathing his own child? Madness.

You deserve so much better.