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Original poster

To be really quite fucked off about the fact that I am currently miscarrying an having to look after DSD

164 replies

Emmawemmawoowah · 21/12/2015 10:15

I'm fuming, livid in fact.

I'm bleeding heavily, have thrown up twice this morning in front of DD and DSD and am having cramps.

DSD (7) hasn't let DP get close to me all weekend. She can't stand anyone else having his attention but herself, it usually doesn't bother me so much but at the moment I'm in need of that affection and struggling to bite my tongue.

They are both currently fighting as I'm writing on here, I'm trying to put my feet up, DP is out at work and I'm pretty mad that I've been left with both of them if I'm really honest. DSD has pushed DD (2) on to a table, she's caught her eye and bruised it so she's been crying hysterically an as a result DSD had a screaming fit because DD was getting attention off me.

I'm really struggling today, I just want to be on my own with DD. Is that understandable?

I usually look after DSD for most of the time he's here and she's usually always pretty demanding but my mood is low and I'm really hurting and struggling today.

OP posts:
QueenArseClangers · 21/12/2015 11:04

Oh darling. So sorry for your loss.
I really would be planning to LTB after this.
In comparison, when I miscarried I had 4 DC and DH took time off work. He tucked me up in bed, fed me, filled hot water bottles, got me chocolates and magazines, did the housework, went and bought me extra sanitary towels, cuddled me, ran me baths AND looked after the kids.
That's just what you do to take care of someone you love.
Can you say whereabouts in the country you are sweetheart?
Flowers

Original poster
Emmawemmawoowah · 21/12/2015 11:06

Ive rang my GP and he has told me tha what I'm describing doesn't sound to worrying in the context of anything other than a m/c.

He's told me that if I get any sharp one sided pains to ring 999 immediately and for anything else to contact him again.

The pain has eased almost completely now and I've just passed a huge clot (sorry TMI) so that was perhaps why.

He's not domesticated at all. I suppose I'm a bit of a martyr because I don't like mess an he never cleans up after himself. I've got a 'if you want a job doing do it yourself' attitude. I know I should be relaxing but the house is a pig sty, I need to dry some clothes (we don't have a tumble dryer so I have to hang every thing in the house until it's dry which takes forever as we no central heating) I need to hoover, I did some washing up this morning, it's nearly dinner time and I have no idea what they're going to eat as I have hardly anything in the house so it looks like I'm going to have to go shopping later as DP doesn't have a clue how to use a debit card or draw cash out. His charming DM has made him like this. He is utterly dependent on other people which I think is appalling for a man of 36 years old although he has gotten slightly better since I met him but not much.

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 21/12/2015 11:06

Your dp shouldn't be at work even if your dsd wasn't with you. Is he always this uncaring?

CallieTorres · 21/12/2015 11:06

oh no - this is horrific, you poor sausage, get yourself to hospital and get checked out xx

You OH is a fucking arse! and a poor excuse for a human being

CallieTorres · 21/12/2015 11:08

you dont need to hoover, you don't need to do washing, so long as you have some clean undies (and definitely not his clothes)

and if you go shopping, you are enabling him to stay as a child, send him out " as DP doesn't have a clue how to use a debit card or draw cash out" how long have you been together and putting up with this shit?

LotsOfShoes · 21/12/2015 11:11

Your OP is an arse and you are enabling him. Stop cleaning and cooking, get takeaway and LTB

Sparkletastic · 21/12/2015 11:12

Don't make the same mistakes his mother made. Hope you feel a bit better soon.

BeyondJinglebells · 21/12/2015 11:14

As much as i think he is being an arsehole, i feel i must point out that as a farmer it isnt as simple as "just dont go to work". But he should have gotten someone to come and look after you while he did so, not left you with an extra child!

RubbleBubble00 · 21/12/2015 11:15

Love of god. Take some painkillers and tuck yourself up in bed. Let him get a takeaway for food. Give him debit card and pin and tell him to go to shop and buy food.

Your enabling him. If he has to do not he will. It may not be up to your standard but it will be fine

Original poster
Emmawemmawoowah · 21/12/2015 11:18

I know but he's such a nightmare! I feel as though I have to chaperone everything he does. He would never remember to bath the kids or brush their teeth.

I've been sick this morning and my boobs are still sore but I don't think that there's anyway the pregnancy has survived with the amount of blood I've lost or cramping I've had

OP posts:
Littleredhouse · 21/12/2015 11:19

You don't need to go shopping! Just rest and get better. He'll have to sort out the kids' dinner. If he really can't work out how to get money out of a cash machine(!) then he'll have to go to his mum's and she'll need to show him. Glad the pain has lessened.

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 11:20

DP doesn't have a clue how to use a debit card or draw cash out.

I'm sorry, what?? Are you married to a child? Or a halfwit?

You DON'T need to hoover, for heaven's sake.

You need to get either a tumble dryer or proper heating. I suppose your DP 'doesn't have a clue' about these things either?

And yes, you must have contact details for your DSD's mother.

But short term, go to bed, rest and look after yourself.

Movingonmymind · 21/12/2015 11:22

You poor love! Get someone to look after the kids and go to bed and watch a comfort movie. Failing that, stick CBeebies on all day till do comes home and he can take over, completely! Take care.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 21/12/2015 11:32

The fact that he hasn't tackled his DD's possessive behaviour is worrying me, tbh. This should have been tackled long before now.

And of course he acted completely incorrectly this morning.

Finola1step · 21/12/2015 11:34

I take it your DP is from a farming family. Hence the never taking time off.

I'm so sorry that you are going through such a horrible experience. The hoovering can wait, it really can. Your dp chooses to be so crap domestically. It suits him so that he concentrates on work and can opt out of family responsibilities (while you pick up the slack).

Rest. You mustn't run yourself ragged. You must give yourself time to heal. It maybe that the events of the weekend make you challenge the status quo. But all in good time. Your priority is you and your health. That's the only thing that matters right now.

Original poster
Emmawemmawoowah · 21/12/2015 11:36

I feel as though I should be battling on through it but I don't have the energy. He's got the kids and I feel guilty that he's having to deal with them and work too

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 21/12/2015 11:36

You poor thing. I have had three mcs and I know how painful they are physically and emotionally. He should not have had his DD this weekend. He should have said "Emma is miscarrying", I will have to have DD when she has recovered.

Anything less is inconsiderate behaviour. You need privacy when miscarrying. It's messy and distressing. My heart goes out to you Flowers

Finola1step · 21/12/2015 11:36

I have to admit, I'm wondering why the relationship between your dp and the mother of dsd ended. Anything to do with his crappy behaviour? Or his mother?

SumThucker · 21/12/2015 11:39

Jesus don't feel guilty! You should have your feet up being looked after.

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 11:40

I feel guilty that he's having to deal with them and work too

Please try not to.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 21/12/2015 11:40

In the long term you are definitely enabling him though. You are exactly like his mother. People can really only treat you as badly as you let them.

Birdie85 · 21/12/2015 11:42

Don't feel that you have to 'battle through' at all. Don't feel guilty, your #1 priority right now is you and nothing else.

How the hell does someone get to adulthood in this day and age without knowing how to use a goddamn bank card?! Jesus, my not-even-two-year-old understands the process, card goes in the machine, enter PIN, remove card, job done! If he is absolutely adamant that he can't go and buy food then do an online shop and let him sort it once it arrives.

Kaytee1987 · 21/12/2015 11:45

Haven't had time to read everyone's answers. I think your dp should have stayed home from work and I cannot believe your mil said that to you! One its insensitive to say something about having 2 children considering what you're going through and 2 no you wouldn't have to just cope because most people's partners or families help out when asked especially as you're unwell! I hope your partner comes home ASAP. Take it easy.

sashh · 21/12/2015 11:45

OK plan of action

Is there anyone you could get contact details from? DSD's mum probably doesn't want her to witness a mc. Dh must have a number, or (clutching at straws someone would be in and answer the phone) could you contact her school? They won't give details because of data protection but they could pass a message on. Is there anyone ele you could get a number for, an aunt, school friend?

Look up 'just eat' and see who delivers lunch time, failing that dominos deliver from 11.

Do you have a TV in your room? Take both children to bed and put on a DVD and let them picnic on pizza. If not picnic in the living room with you under a blanket.

Sod the washing/cleaning/anything other than switching TV channels. Tell DSD you are ill and need to lie down under the magic blanket and both girls can join you.

Depending on size of logs and DSD could she fetch some one at a time?

Have you got hot water bottles?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 21/12/2015 11:45

It's time he learned and the way to learn is for him to get out there and do the things that need to be done.

You, meanwhile, need to look after you because it sounds like he's not going to.