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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by their choice of church? (Another wedding one- sorry)

262 replies

WanderingNotLost · 20/12/2015 00:36

A good friend of my DP's is getting married next year. We're quite close to the friend and his fiancée and I like them both a lot.

A while ago they chose a reception venue quite close to my home town- neither of them is from there, it's just a convenient and close-ish distance from where they live. I found out today though that they've now decided to get married in the church that I've always assumed I'll get married in myself.

My family has close ties to this church; my Grandfather grew up in the village and was an alter boy in the church; he is buried there and his name is included on the honour roll of local men who served in WWII. On the other hand our friends have no connection to it at all, it's just the closest one to their reception venue.

AIBU to be a bit upset/disappointed by this? It's true DP and I aren't even engaged yet (although we're not far off) but I feel like when the time comes it will feel a bit less special for me because I (and a decent number of mine and DP's friends) will already have been to a wedding there, and we'll just be reusing a church that someone else we know got married in before us, and our wedding day will be compared to that one. Were it as important to our friends as it is to me I think I'd be less upset, but to them it's just a church like any other.

OP posts:
Samaritan1 · 20/12/2015 13:21

This thread has gone mental, honestly some posters need to imagine themselves saying in real life what they are typing and get some perspective.

Anyway, op, I think you've been told enough that yabu - I just have one thing to add. Your wedding is your wedding, no matter what anyone else has done, the day is yours. A friend of mine was upset because the bridesmaids at my wedding (which was just before hers) were wearing the same colour that she was planning for hers. That was years ago and our friendship never recovered. Concentrate on your day and don't concern yourself with what anyone else is doing for theirs.

sandylion · 20/12/2015 13:31

YABU but you don't want to hear that.

You won't want to hear either that no-one really cares about other people's weddings. Where they have it, what the dress is like, where the reception is etc. People pretend to be interested but they aren't really, they are being polite. So no-one will care if you get married in the same place as your friend. No-one will compare your wedding because it will probably be exactly the same as most weddings they have been to. Trust me.

ovenchips · 20/12/2015 13:31

But if OP said her AIBU to people in real life and kept defending it and telling someone to 'piss off' what do you think people in real life's reaction would be?! So you can't just compare the respondees' reactions to a real life situation, you'd first have to imagine the OP saying it in real life too.

It really is the silliest AIBU I've read.

ShelaghTurner · 20/12/2015 13:33

Christmas cheer alive and well on here as usual then Hmm

I thought MN was exactly the place to come when you want a little moan about the minutiae of life as well as the big stuff. OP knows she's being a bit daft, hasn't said anywhere that she's going to run the couple out of town or sit in the congregation wailing. She just wants a bit of a whinge. Shame some people can't see that.

Pigeonpost · 20/12/2015 13:36

Oh dear. YABU. For reasons which have been adequately covered by previous posters.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 20/12/2015 13:39

My sister had her funeral at the same church that I got married in. The sheer nerve of her.

XiCi · 20/12/2015 13:39

I completely agree with enjolrass.

I think the OP realises she may not get the marriage she desperately wants so is understandably a bit sad to see friends having the exact wedding she's always envisaged for herself

RakeMeHomeCountryToads · 20/12/2015 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notonthestairs · 20/12/2015 13:43

Well, we got married, my sister in law got married two months later and my brother two months after that. Three family weddings in the space of 5 months. Despite the fact that there was a lot of the same people at each wedding each day was completely unique and reflected the tastes of the individuals involved. I dont think anyone felt that their day was been affected by the previous or future weddings. Your wedding will be special to you because of your history there - your friends wedding wont diminish that experience.
And you might spot nice things about the wedding you want to copy later - or notice what doesnt work that well. Relax and enjoy it.

coconutpie · 20/12/2015 13:48

LOL. This is one of the most ridiculous AIBUs I have had the pleasure of reading.

You're not even engaged yet and you're already acting like a bridezilla. A church is a public place where people can get married. You do not have the right to expect people not to get married there just because it means something to you. And it means something to the couple getting married too, i.e. the reason they chose that church, be it convenience of whatever. Just because you seem to have an emotional attachment to this church, doesn't make it your church.

Jibberjabberjooo · 20/12/2015 13:52

People won't remember or care where you got married.

YakTriangle · 20/12/2015 13:55

I don't see the OP being 'petulant' or 'childish'. She's not stamping her feet, demanding they change venue, storming up the aisle and tearing the brides veil off or refusing to attend at all...she's just quietly disappointed not to have got married there first.

This is still unreasonable of course, because it's not up to her where her friends get married or when they choose to do so, but there has been a huge overreaction to this post. It's more like this than the summary someone gave above:
OP - Aibu?
MN - Yes! And not only that, you're a massive bitch who wants her friends to suffer and to jump up and down on their faces whilst spitting venom and burning the church down!
OP - Erm, no I never said any of...
MN - Yes you fucking did, you bridezilla nightmare!

So yeah. OP, yabu but you know that already.

ElizabethG81 · 20/12/2015 13:56

YABVU. I completely agree with sandylion - the vast majority of people don't give a shit about other people's weddings. They will pretend that they do out of politeness, but they actually don't give a shit where it is, how many people have got married there before, what you're wearing, what the bridesmaids are wearing, etc, etc. All they care about is when you're going to stop taking photos and feed them.

Antimobiles · 20/12/2015 13:56

OP regardless of your dad's name being on the roll call bla bla bla, your family don't own the church.
The church is a place of worship and for celebrations etc, open to everyone.
Get a firm grip!

vienna1981 · 20/12/2015 13:57

Bonkers.

PetShopGirl · 20/12/2015 13:57

Yep, YakTriangle has it.

knobblyknee · 20/12/2015 14:02

YABVU. Its not taking the shine from your wedding.

Twinkie1 · 20/12/2015 14:04

The sooner people realise that all that is important when you get married is looking into each other's eyes and making a promise the better off the world will be.

All the £££ spent and the grief and hassle is ridiculous. The cake, venue, menu choices, bridesmaids dresses and guest nightmares are all set dressing to you guys just making a promise to each other.

Roussette · 20/12/2015 14:05

I think some MNers on here are being a bit mean. Wandering... AIBU is not the place to think out loud. Which is what I think you are doing. The unreasonable thoughts you are having is probably just something you have mused on and to take those thoughts and put them on AIBU is bound to result in a flaming.

To answer your post, I promise you that by the time you get married, the guests there will barely even remember which church your friends got married in. Your wedding will be different and unique.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 20/12/2015 14:08

I think OP gets it now, guys.

MidnightVelvetthe4th · 20/12/2015 14:17

I understand what you mean OP, you've thought about your wedding a lot & chosen this particular venue because it has meanings to you & then someone rocks up who chose it because of where it is, so it could be any building it just happens to be the church you want. I can understand you being disappointed but honestly on the day nobody will remember or compare your wedding to anyone else's. Not at all. It won't make your day any less special.

Going back a few hundred years if we were in the same village then everyone would have been married in the same church, its really not a problem :) Wine

Sallyingforth · 20/12/2015 14:21

I think you are quite right OP.
Who would want to get married in a second-hand church that had been used before? Far better to have a new one built just for you. I'm sure the C of E can afford it for such an important priority customer.

Goingtobeawesome · 20/12/2015 14:23

I got married in the church my in laws did. Just felt a little pang that I couldn't even come up with my own family's church, what with having no family at all, but actuall it really does not matter.

I think this is more about not being engaged yourself. Talking about not being far off engaged is a bit silly imo.

BackforGood · 20/12/2015 14:26

Wow. Just wow. Heard it all now.

ENTirelyTrimmedUpForChristmas · 20/12/2015 14:28

I attend this church whenever I go home to see my Mum, so at least once a month. The vicar there is the same one who confirmed me, the same one who conducted my Grandfather's funeral. He knows me and my Mum by name. This church is a very special place for me so it's important to me that I get married there.