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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by their choice of church? (Another wedding one- sorry)

262 replies

WanderingNotLost · 20/12/2015 00:36

A good friend of my DP's is getting married next year. We're quite close to the friend and his fiancée and I like them both a lot.

A while ago they chose a reception venue quite close to my home town- neither of them is from there, it's just a convenient and close-ish distance from where they live. I found out today though that they've now decided to get married in the church that I've always assumed I'll get married in myself.

My family has close ties to this church; my Grandfather grew up in the village and was an alter boy in the church; he is buried there and his name is included on the honour roll of local men who served in WWII. On the other hand our friends have no connection to it at all, it's just the closest one to their reception venue.

AIBU to be a bit upset/disappointed by this? It's true DP and I aren't even engaged yet (although we're not far off) but I feel like when the time comes it will feel a bit less special for me because I (and a decent number of mine and DP's friends) will already have been to a wedding there, and we'll just be reusing a church that someone else we know got married in before us, and our wedding day will be compared to that one. Were it as important to our friends as it is to me I think I'd be less upset, but to them it's just a church like any other.

OP posts:
youmustbekidding · 20/12/2015 14:34

OP, every church in the country has been host to thousands of weddings, funerals, christenings etc. That's why people use them - not just because they're nice buildings, but to cement themselves as part of a tradition within that building. If you do walk down the aisle of that particular church, you'll be doing so as one of many that have done so before you and many that will do after you. If that 'many' includes a friend, doesn't that make it all the nicer?

goldglittershitter · 20/12/2015 14:35
Biscuit
GoApeShit · 20/12/2015 14:35

We could have a cracking game of AIBU bingo with this one. The OP's flounce just got me a full house.

Debbriana1 · 20/12/2015 14:43

Ha ha ha you need to get a life. I didn't know churches where allocated to people and you needed to have a connection to use it.

wizzywig · 20/12/2015 15:02

Maaa haaa. Cracking post!!

PetShopGirl · 20/12/2015 15:23

Debbriana1 well yes, traditionally you do need a connection to a church to get married in it. But everyday's a school day, right? Although I'm in little doubt that your post was actually meant facetiously.

Depressing to see people still piling in. Does anyone actually think that the OP is still reading? I just hope she's not been put off coming here for advice or support one day when she really needs it. Nest of vipers thing ringing quite true and unironically at the moment.

ReallyTired · 20/12/2015 15:32

It's not that hard to make a connection with a church. You turn up once a month, get your name on the electoral roll before you approach the vicar about organising a wedding. In practice you might need to attend church for a year. A church is more than a pretty building for a wedding.

Alternatively if you want a church wedding without attending church beforehand, anyone can get married at their local parish church. You just have to accept that your wedding will be in the concrete monsterity that looks like a nuclear reactor rather than a pretty village church. In the uk everyone has the right to get married in a church provide that neither person us a divorcee with a living ex partner.

VaticanAssassin · 20/12/2015 15:40

Sorry OP, 'Nearly engaged' doesn't mean anything unless you're 15. It doesn't even guarantee a proposal- let alone a marriage.

Consider it this way OP- Me and DH have decided (after a long while and repeated discussion) that in the new year we will TTC. Obviously it may happen quickly, it may take a while, or (worst case scenario) it could not happen at all.

If I started referring to myself as 'Almost Pregnant', and laying claim to 'my church' for possible future christenings, I'd be called ridiculous, just as you have been for feeling aggrieved that someone who is actually getting married, has chosen her wedding venue before you!

YABU.

Grin
90sforever · 20/12/2015 15:42

Wow. You gotta learn to man grow up

BrendaandEddie · 20/12/2015 15:44

hahahah
YOU ARENT EVEN ENGAGED!!

Fricking nora

PresidentUnderwood · 20/12/2015 16:05

Oh this post has cheered me up. I love a good bit of wedding entitlement, but when the Op isn't even engaged yet - it's truly hilarious.

She won't be back anytime soon, she'll no doubt have her prissy feathers smoothed by the Huns at the other place

BadLad · 20/12/2015 16:14

Blimey. I don't usually read wedding threads, but you are being so unreasonable I could hear you all the way from Gifted and Talented.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/12/2015 16:46

insane, so you arent even engaged yet dont want a good friend to get married in the church that you want to get married in as has family ties

solution - get married before her Grin

how long have you been with dp? as if for a few years then surprised that dp didnt propose so that df could walk you done the aisle (tho sorry he died last year, so did my mum and it sucks)

many people dont get married where they were born, they marry near where they live and to a church near there if possible - like your friend is doing - quite normal

bridezillas are weird, years ago one of my friends went nutty as had set a date in a years time or so, then another mutual friend set her date, a whole 6 weeks before her and she didnt like it Hmm - was a totally diff venue and both got married at venue, which were maybe 30mins drive from each other, so totally speraTE BUT SHE FELT THE MUTUAL FRIEND WAS PISSING ON HER PARADE GETTING MARRIED FIRST

whoops hit caps but cant be bothered to retype

Antimobiles · 20/12/2015 16:49

badlad GrinGrin

BadLad · 20/12/2015 16:51

It's true DP and I aren't even engaged yet (although we're not far off) but I feel like when the time comes it will feel a bit less special for me because I (and a decent number of mine and DP's friends) will already have been to a wedding there, and we'll just be reusing a church that someone else we know got married in before us, and our wedding day will be compared to that one.

When the vicar asks if anyone knows of any reason why the bride and groom should not be married let him declare it now, you could get up and quote your OP.

Worth a try?

cheapandcheerful · 20/12/2015 16:53

Get a grip woman Confused

DayToDayShit · 20/12/2015 16:55

pmsl this has got to be a wind up

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 20/12/2015 17:00

Seriously you need to cop on to yourself
How can you be expected to be taken seriously with such a a ridiculous perceived problem

BadLad · 20/12/2015 17:02

My cousin wants to be a doctor, OP. Is that OK with you, or is she stealing the thunder of your future kids?

DayToDayShit · 20/12/2015 17:04

Grin BadLad. That is exactly how ridiculous this thread is!

PrimeDirective · 20/12/2015 17:47

Bonkers! Totally and utterly bonkers!

Enjolrass · 20/12/2015 18:10

My cousin wants to be a doctor, OP

She wants to be one? That's makes her not far off being a doctor then Grin

fatnan76 · 20/12/2015 19:22

Altar

Debbriana1 · 20/12/2015 19:22

Op I think your beef is with your partner not the people getting married. It made more sense when you talked about your father. Not the church but about getting married. this must have been posted after a few Wine .

YeOldeTrout · 20/12/2015 19:52

Just out of curiosity, WanderingNL, what baby names have you chosen in advance? You might want to exclusively restrict your options to names below No. 300 in popularity. To avoid future disappointment, I mean.